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Every American holiday these days is over-commercialized and over-extended. Halloween candy goes on sale in July. July 4th gear hits shelves in May. I’m writing a story on advent calendars before we’re a week in to November…but I digress.
The pinnacle of American consumerism is Christmas. Although the Super Bowl takes place in February, the real height of American competitiveness peaks during Black Friday when rowdy customers try to grab the elusive $100 50” plasma TV doorbuster deal. I dislike a lot of the rampant consumerism that overtakes some of my fondest childhood memories and experiences during the holidays. One of the things I’m not sad about is the evolution of advent calendars.
Once the rigid box of cardboard and stale chocolate that you mercilessly peddled to your friend’s parents in middle school, advent calendars have experienced a bit of a glow up as of late. Advent calendars are no longer about counting down the days till Christmas or trying to exercise self-control before shamelessly eating a full week’s worth of square chocolate in one sitting. Instead, advent calendars have taken a much more millennial appeal to their product. How? They introduced alcohol of course.
The period of post-Halloween to Christmas is the time where diets go to die and money flies out the window. You quickly become immersed in a myriad of social occasions, random opportunities to binge eat candy and numerous opportunities to casually drink on a weeknight because it’s cold out or a Charlie Brown Christmas is on TV. One of the areas that had remained mostly untouched by this binge period were advent calendars, which meticulously spaced out how much chocolate you should eat from Dec 1 to the 24th. Now, with the addition of booze, that temptation is heightened exponentially and extended past just the Christmas season in December.
Now, you can buy an advent calendar filled with the booze, beer or wine or your choosing, whenever you want. Instead of a small piece of frozen Hershey’s, you can indulge in a new seasonal craft beer every night, a shot-and-a-half bottle of artisan gin or a mini airport bottle of wine. Unlike the chocolate-filled versions, these new advent calendars are a lot larger and a lot more expensive than what I would sell when I was ten. But is it worth it? If I get a chance to try out a new Jack Daniels or Bailey’s variant every night for three plus weeks, I think I’d be a happy customer.
The emergence of the boozy calendars are great from a personal perspective, but they’re also sure to be a hit for gift exchanges or that friend that has everything. Instead of scrolling through ten plus pages of Amazon algorithm, you can simply search for advent calendars plus the desired alcohol preference of the friend or loved one, place the order, and relax. Sure, it’s not the most thoughtful gift of all time, but every time your buddy opens up a new advent window and gets a nice warm buzz, they’ll be thinking about your gift. That seems like a pretty great way to spread holiday cheer. Cheers!.
Respond
@TaylorLaabs
@taylor1laabs
My Advent calendar is a 24 pack of Miller Lite. Except I’m always done by the December 10th.
Thirteenth Colony Bourbon is fantastic! I highly suggest picking some up if you can find it.
I know a number of people who come into Total Wine around the holidays to buy for beer exchanges. It sounds like something that is comparatively (to an advent calendar) inexpensive and a change of pace from a cookie exchange. The booze advent calendar is definitely cool, I just think it becomes more of a chore.
Sounds awesome but a cheese advent calendar seems even more awesome.
Gonna have to disagree on this one, some will disagree but I’ve been getting sick of alcohol, maybe it’s the worsening hangovers. I think this year I’m gonna tone it down a bit and try to focus on the family and put the Christ back in Christmas.
It’s all fun and games until you actually have a drinking problem and realize you’ve been ignoring your mental health all your life
Exactly. The noble thing to do in this country is to pool a bunch of investment money into Constellation Brands and profit off of the substance abuse problems of nearly an entire nation that has masked its mental health deficiencies behind it because waking up to the idea that the majority has been caste into a system of systemic oppression is what will fuel the capital gains for years to come until it all crumbles under its own deadweight lol
Honestly I get what you’re trying to do, but none of it makes sense, you’re just rambling off buzzwords at this point. Plus the dark twisted humor you’ve been keeping up for the past few years seems like more than a cry for help. You alright bro? If you hate your job that much then quit and do something that makes you happy
I literally just gave you financial advice that will make you a lot of money in a recession proof asset and you’re over here telling me I need help lol