Post Grad Horoscopes For October

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There’s always the idea of consulting with a professional astrologist to provide career, love, and booze related Post Grad Horoscopes… but why not take a stab at it and just source from within? So, y’all are stuck with me. Hi. I’ve spent endless time studying natal star charts and mindfully connecting to the greater forces of the universe and… Um, I don’t understand any of it… I am merely here to be the mouthpiece. So. Here’s my oh-so-starry PGP astrological wisdom:

Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)
Your natural friendliness is going to be put to the test to this month, Aquarius. In October, you’re destined to get stuck in the elevator a ton with that weirdo from HR and he’s going to keep asking you if you’ve watched “Young Sheldon” yet. Sorry.

Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20)
Pisces! Congratulations! You will finally find the love of your life this month. Walk outside. Right now. See someone? The two of y’all will be making out together by the end of 2018. Don’t see anyone outside? Well. Maybe next month… We’ll see.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
It’s not an easy month for you, Aries. Make yourself feel more important by writing things you’ve already completed in your planner just so you can cross it off and feel accomplished. You deserve it. I’m proud of you.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Everywhere you go this month, Taurus, laughter and smiles will surround you. This would be wonderful if you were trying to be comical, but everyone is actually laughing at you. Not with you. Honestly, that’s Venus’ fault since it’s retrograding. Venus is being a total asshole right now, I don’t know what to tell you.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Gemini, your entire month is going to be determined by how you interpret the incoherent drunk texts received from your old college roommate the weekend prior. Good luck. Your fate depends on it.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
One of your key traits is your sensitivity, Cancer. But don’t stress too much about the new Gmail finishing your sentences for you. It doesn’t mean Google is telling you how easily they can replace you with a computer. Or is it?…

Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
Adopting a can-do attitude this month and taking charge of your office space will make you an absolute hit around the Keurig, but your ego will really annoy Jackie in Marketing, so avoid her or she’ll “mistake” your lunch for hers. Again.

Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
Happy Libra season! You will encounter a frustration at work when you come across a coworker stealing free office materials to take home. But remember: snitches get stitches.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)
You will be crowned employee of the month, Scorpio! Congrats! Your childhood dreams of being famous have finally come to fruition. Too bad the photo they’ll hang up in the office is from that day you were hungover and breaking out from all the drunk pizza you ate.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)
Wake up, Sagittarius. Venus is in retrograde this month which means it’s already October and you’ve spend the past thirty days still drunk from that Labor Day weekend wedding. Get your shit together.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)
Capricorn, your hunch is correct. That Starbucks barista is absolutely spelling your name incorrectly for the sixth time in a row because they have a personal vendetta against you. You probably shouldn’t drink the coffee either… just saying. Stay woke, Caps..

Image via Shutterstock

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KatieCallaway

Katie is 27 and is from Nashville, TN but lives in Los Angeles, CA as an actress, comedian, writer, and marketing manager. Although some might disagree, she likely peaked when she had dinner with Randy Jackson and he called her “dude” a lot. You can see her active on the Twitterverse at @KECallaway or you can also follow her new Insta at @KatieCallaway even though she hates Instagram.

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