Grading Season 2 Of The PGP Remote Writer Fantasy Football Draft

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As the NFL season is finally upon us, your friends and coworker’s attention should be entirely focused on all things football. I know now that my wedding is over that it’s all I’m going to be doing for the next five months.

Some of my fellow PGP remote writers and I had our second annual fantasy football draft a few nights ago. Take a gander and judge away on how we did. I’ve provided Yahoo’s draft grades in addition to my not-so-professional personal grades. Make sure to follow along on Twitter as we place wagers throughout the season and participate in some light, playful shit talking as well.

League name: PGP B-Squad
# of players: 10
Roster: 1 QB, 3 WRs, 2 RBs, 1 TE, 1 FLEX, 1 K, 1 DEF, 6 BN, 1 IR
Scoring: Standard
Draft: Snake

Jenna Crowley: The Brady Bunch

1 Tom Brady (NE – QB)
2 Travis Kelce (KC – TE)
3 Devonta Freeman (Atl – RB)
4 Chris Hogan (NE – WR)
5 Doug Baldwin (Sea – WR)
6 Stephen Gostkowski (NE – K)
7 Jacksonville (Jax – DEF)
8 Robert Woods (LAR – WR)
9 Kerryon Johnson (Det – RB)
10 Julian Edelman (NE – WR)
11 Jordan Reed (Was – TE)
12 Kenny Stills (Mia – WR)
13 Ronald Jones II (TB – RB)
14 Dak Prescott (Dal – QB)
15 Josh Doctson (Was – WR)
16 LeGarrette Blount (Det – RB)

Yahoo Grade: C
JR’s Grade: C-

While I’m not in the habit of badmouthing former podcast partners, this draft was just not pretty. As sure as the sun rises in the East, Jenna drafted TB12 with the first overall pick, which all of us expected. But to also grab her Kicker and Defense in the first 8 rounds? Pure insanity that adds up to a weak run game and injury-prone bench. The only good news for Jenna is that her receivers play on the West Coast so she’ll never get a chance to see them play. Because she goes to sleep at 7PM like my 83 year old grandmother.

Update: in bed at 709. https://t.co/ZhGtyzZFAf

— Jenna (@JennaLCrowley) August 10, 2018

Boston Max: Pretty Good Penis

1 Todd Gurley II (LAR – RB)
2 Keenan Allen (LAC – WR)
3 Davante Adams (GB – WR)
4 Joe Mixon (Cin – RB)
5 Jarvis Landry (Cle – WR)
6 Allen Robinson II (Chi – WR)
7 Evan Engram (NYG – TE)
8 Kirk Cousins (Min – QB)
9 Minnesota (Min – DEF)
10 Wil Lutz (NO – K)
11 Jamison Crowder (Was – WR)
12 Carson Wentz (Phi – QB)
13 George Kittle (SF – TE)
14 Rashaad Penny (Sea – RB)
15 Kenny Golladay (Det – WR)
16 Atlanta (Atl – DEF)

Yahoo Grade: B
JR’s Grade: B

I’m aligned with Yahoo here. Since we have 3 x WRs, Max (who was on autodraft) went wideout heavy and drafted SIX of ’em. Who knows what Kirk Cousins will do in Minnesota’s system so that’s a big question mark here as well. All in all a good core here but the question remains: does Max have a pretty good penis?

Derby Dayyyyy pic.twitter.com/OBvEJsIrbt

— Boston Max (@BostonMaxG) May 5, 2018

All signs point to no.

Charlie Walker: Charlie Kinda Sucks

1 Le’Veon Bell (Pit – RB)
2 Kareem Hunt (KC – RB)
3 A.J. Green (Cin – WR)
4 T.Y. Hilton (Ind – WR)
5 Kenyan Drake (Mia – RB)
6 Drew Brees (NO – QB)
7 Corey Davis (Ten – WR)
8 David Njoku (Cle – TE)
9 Los Angeles (LAC – DEF)
10 Matt Bryant (Atl – K)
11 Mark Ingram (NO – RB)
12 Matt Ryan (Atl – QB)
13 Sony Michel (NE – RB)
14 Ricky Seals-Jones (Ari – TE)
15 New Orleans (NO – DEF)
16 Mike Williams (LAC – WR)

Yahoo Grade: B
JR’s Grade: C

Charlie, who was also on autodraft, got boned pretty hard here with the Bell pick. I guess it’s just luck of the draw. Really, he should be mad at Jenna for taking Brady first because if she had just followed logic he would have missed Bell and he would have gone to Max. And let’s face it, we like Charlie more than we like Max.

Cleopatra died roughly 2000 years ago. The Great Pyramids at Giza were constructed roughly 2500 before she died. So the Pyramids at Giza were more ancient to Cleopatra than Cleopatra is to us. Anyway happy Sunday

— Charlie Walker (@therescharlie) August 5, 2018

A fun AND educational follow!

Nived Neirbo

1 Antonio Brown (Pit – WR)
2 Marshawn Lynch (Oak – RB)
3 Golden Tate (Det – WR)
4 Larry Fitzgerald (Ari – WR)
5 Demaryius Thomas (Den – WR)
6 Royce Freeman (Den – RB)
7 Trey Burton (Chi – TE)
8 Jamaal Williams (GB – RB)
9 Jimmy Garoppolo (SF – QB)
10 Jordy Nelson (Oak – WR)
11 Jake Elliott (Phi – K)
12 Matt Breida (SF – RB)
13 Andrew Luck (Ind – QB)
14 Houston (Hou – DEF)
15 Jared Cook (Oak – TE)
16 Chris Godwin (TB – WR)

Yahoo Grade: D
JR’s Grade: C-

PGP’s resident OG commenter/psychopath/occasional columnist Nived got the raw end of the deal here. His starting five picks would have been a NASTY lineup…in 2013. Seriously I can’t wrap my admittedly gigantic head around him picking Marshawn second overall. However after watching the below clip I can’t blame Nived…

Fun story: I literally bumped into Beastmode outside a Super Bowl party in SF in 2016. He had announced his retirement via Instagram post the night before and was smoking a blunt right in the open. The Capital R Roommate (as she was known at the time) and I crashed to the ground because he’s so massive and he proceeded to help her up and give her a shoulder massage. It was then that I understood cuckhold porn.

JR Will Do It

1 David Johnson (Ari – RB)
2 Michael Thomas (NO – WR)
3 Christian McCaffrey (Car – RB)
4 Aaron Rodgers (GB – QB)
5 Brandin Cooks (LAR – WR)
6 Marquise Goodwin (SF – WR)
7 Kyle Rudolph (Min – TE)
8 Chris Carson (Sea – RB)
9 Tevin Coleman (Atl – RB)
10 Tyler Lockett (Sea – WR)
11 Denver (Den – DEF)
12 Duke Johnson Jr. (Cle – RB)
13 Jared Goff (LAR – QB)
14 Mason Crosby (GB – K)
15 Keelan Cole (Jax – WR)
16 Aaron Jones (GB – RB)

Yahoo Grade: C
JR’s Grade: B-

Even I’ll admit I could have drafted better. However, when you’re playing fantasy football in this bozo nightmare, it’s better to have an even team that’s average at every position across the board. As long as there are no major injuries, I might be able to goose step my way to the playoffs and see what happens. Make some bad decisions, just to see how it feels.

Kyle Bandujo

1 Ezekiel Elliott (Dal – RB)
2 Julio Jones (Atl – WR)
3 Dalvin Cook (Min – RB)
4 Amari Cooper (Oak – WR)
5 Derrick Henry (Ten – RB)
6 Jimmy Graham (GB – TE)
7 Marvin Jones Jr. (Det – WR)
8 Alfred Morris (SF – RB)
9 Cooper Kupp (LAR – WR)
10 Rex Burkhead (NE – RB)
11 Philip Rivers (LAC – QB)
12 Patrick Mahomes (KC – QB)
13 Baltimore (Bal – DEF)
14 Tyler Eifert (Cin – TE)
15 Chris Boswell (Pit – K)
16 Michael Gallup (Dal – WR)

Yahoo Grade: B
JR’s Grade: B+

Honestly, Kyle’s team scares me the most. With a dynamic running game with some receivers ready to make big leaps this year to back up JJ, I wouldn’t be surprised if Kyle’s making noise come December. God knows he makes enough on Twitter already.

Trump plays a special version of dipshit Mad Libs with the thirteen words he knows every time he does a rally https://t.co/IiPzC2cxlZ

— Kyle Bandujo (@kylebandujo) August 31, 2018

Wondering what Kyle’s thoughts are on the current administration? Don’t worry, he’ll tell you.

Kevin Caulfield: Return of the Mack

1 DeAndre Hopkins (Hou – WR)
2 Leonard Fournette (Jax – RB)
3 Jordan Howard (Chi – RB)
4 JuJu Smith-Schuster (Pit – WR)
5 Greg Olsen (Car – TE)
6 Deshaun Watson (Hou – QB)
7 Emmanuel Sanders (Den – WR)
8 Michael Crabtree (Bal – WR)
9 Chicago (Chi – DEF)
10 Pierre Garcon (SF – WR)
11 Adrian Peterson (Was – RB)
12 Alex Smith (Was – QB)
13 O.J. Howard (TB – TE)
14 Sterling Shepard (NYG – WR)
15 Kelvin Benjamin (Buf – WR)
16 Adam Vinatieri (Ind – K)

Yahoo Grade: C+
JR’s Grade: C

I gotta respect Kevin for a lot of things. One of those being losing to me in Week 9 last year and wearing a Miami green Jay Cutler jersey around for a day and the other is for moving from NYC to Chicago, dropping some weight and still sucking at drafting fantasy football players.

JK Kev ILY

Today marks my one year of moving back to Chicago. I came back depressed, drunk, and fat. But now I’m hot as shit so it’s all good.

— Kevin Caulfield (@TheKevinC__) August 11, 2018

KatieCallaway: Much Football

1 Cam Newton (Car – QB)
2 Rob Gronkowski (NE – TE)
3 Mike Evans (TB – WR)
4 Greg Zuerlein (LAR – K)
5 Dion Lewis (Ten – RB)
6 Jay Ajayi (Phi – RB)
7 Devin Funchess (Car – WR)
8 Los Angeles (LAR – DEF)
9 Robby Anderson (NYJ – WR)
10 Marcus Mariota (Ten – QB)
11 Peyton Barber (TB – RB)
12 Jack Doyle (Ind – TE)
13 D.J. Moore (Car – WR)
14 Latavius Murray (Min – RB)
15 Benjamin Watson (NO – TE)
16 Bilal Powell (NYJ – RB)

Yahoo Grade: C+
JR’s Grade: C-

Katie, you’re new here so I’m going to go easy on you. What in the holy hell were you doing? I audibly gasped and had to pull my pants up when I saw the kicker for the Rams go in the 4th round. Not to mention she didn’t even think of a running back until 5 picks in when all the good ones were gone. Stick to acting, this is really not your strong suit.

Madoff Investment

1 Alvin Kamara (NO – RB)
2 Melvin Gordon (LAC – RB)
3 Tyreek Hill (KC – WR)
4 Adam Thielen (Min – WR)
5 Alex Collins (Bal – RB)
6 Josh Gordon (Cle – WR)
7 Matthew Stafford (Det – QB)
8 Delanie Walker (Ten – TE)
9 Philadelphia (Phi – DEF)
10 Justin Tucker (Bal – K)
11 Ben Roethlisberger (Pit – QB)
12 Isaiah Crowell (NYJ – RB)
13 Chris Thompson (Was – RB)
14 Nelson Agholor (Phi – WR)
15 Cameron Brate (TB – TE)
16 Pittsburgh (Pit – DEF)

Yahoo Grade: A-
JR’s Grade: B

You gotta be kidding me. Madoff was on autodraft because he was “hiking” for 36 hours and he’s awarded the highest grade of all of us. I get it, Kamara, Gordon and Hill are a lethal first three picks. But I can’t get behind Stafford as a good fantasy QB and Josh Gordon is relatively untested the past two years. But this highlight reel of him working out from Hard Knocks has got me ready to run through a brick wall.

Josh T: Airing of Revises

1 Saquon Barkley (NYG – RB)
2 Odell Beckham Jr. (NYG – WR)
3 Zach Ertz (Phi – TE)
4 Stefon Diggs (Min – WR)
5 Russell Wilson (Sea – QB)
6 Lamar Miller (Hou – RB)
7 LeSean McCoy (Buf – RB)
8 Carlos Hyde (Cle – RB)
9 Sammy Watkins (KC – WR)
10 Will Fuller V (Hou – WR)
11 Alshon Jeffery (Phi – WR)
12 Tarik Cohen (Chi – RB)
13 Marlon Mack (Ind – RB)
14 Derek Carr (Oak – QB)
15 Matt Prater (Det – K)
16 New England (NE – DEF)

Yahoo Grade: B
JR’s Grade: B-

Since last year’s champion Tina did not return to the battlefield this year, Josh (last year’s runner up) has taken it upon himself to declare himself the defending champ. That’s not how it works, bud. Two Giants as your first two picks? I’m lukewarm here. However, I think Russell Wilson is going to have a helluva year and Will Fuller is a great late round addition. But what do I know? I’m just a comedian who spends too much time on the Internet.

For the six of you still reading – who do you think drafted best?.

Image via Shutterstock

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JR Hickey

Stand up comedian and writer from Chicago who now resides on the West Coast. JR can be seen performing at Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco and Zanies Comedy Clubs in Chicago. His work has been published in the Chicago Tribune and recently he was a part of SF Sketchfest 2015. JR's also the host of the PGP dating podcast Don't Take It From Us. He loves you very, very much.

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