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Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co or call the Mailbag hotline at (833) 345-5662 to leave a voicemail and be featured on The Mailbag podcast. All topics welcome.
The Mailbag, a podcast based on this series, is now live. The questions that make the podcast will be a combination of emails (if you’d like to remain anonymous) and voicemails. The hotline number is above. Please give me plenty to choose from so we have interesting topics of discussion.
Episode 2 is below.
1. Hey Dill,
Got a question for you. What do you do if one of your best friends absolutely sucks at drinking? I know he isn’t addicted because he frequently goes sober for a month or two, but when he does drink he is absolutely unbearable. 2-3 glasses of red and he is the most obnoxious person in the entire world and also a $60,000 millionaire. If he drinks enough he gets mean, I’m talking the type of mean that will make you want to cry (the type of mean that absolutely cuts deep because its one of your day ones who knows everything about you).
It’s gotten to the point where my girlfriend will absolutely not go to dinner with him. I’ve thought about talking to his parents, but I’m not sure if this is the move (we are 24). His “girlfriend” is also a wildcard and doesn’t really see anything wrong with this. Thoughts much appreciated.
It’s always interesting to me the ways people change once they’re drunk — the types of people they become. Otherwise normally behaved people become mean, annoying, unpredictable, contentious, and even physically violent. Many of us, of course, stay cool and collected.
People like your friend shouldn’t drink. Bottom line. If an elevated BAC turns you into an insufferable asshole, you should really learn to get by without alcohol. Or seek counseling about it. Maybe it’s some psychiatric trigger that you can learn to manage? I don’t know.
You mention talking to his parents, but have you considered pulling him aside and talking to him? It’s possible he’s unaware that he turns into a prick when he drinks. He needs to be made aware. Go from there.
2. Hey Dillon,
Been a fan of the mailbag and have really enjoyed the new pod.
I have an issues that’s been affecting me for a while. During junior year of college (over two years ago) I contracted the herps. It was a one-night stand with a girl who I didn’t know. I assume she had no idea she had it, or was just drunk and was careless. Nevertheless this has been an issue I’ve had trouble getting past. I’ve never been great at talking to girls and going on dates, as I’m a bit shy until I get to know someone. Having herpes has heavily decreased my motivation to talk to girls at bars, and go on dates with tinder or bumble matches. I have little idea on how or when to bring this up with a potential romantic or sexual partner. Please let me know your thoughts.
Thanks,
Dude with the herps
I believe there is a broad misconception about herpes, and that the social stigma is the worst part about having it.
Did you know about 70% to 80% of people have herpes 1 and about 15% to 20% of people have herpes 2? And that very few of these people know they have it because it’s a mostly dormant infection. I know you didn’t ask me to make you feel better about having such a common disease, but I think having this knowledge might make you feel more normal about having it, because you are normal for having it. People who don’t are actually in the minority.
These sources from The Washington Post and Vice back my numbers up and might also provide you some effective ways of dealing with it, regarding your own self-reflection and how to deal with sexual partners. Maybe the best course of action is to help them understand that A) what you have is normal and not serious, and B) they probably have it, too.
3. Sup dillpod,
LTFT. Dropped out of college, just wasn’t for me. Enlisted in the army and head to fort benn. On sept 3. Was wondering if you or any commenters had any advice for me as far as what to expect? I’m going infantry and want to go airborne after training.
Also totally unrelated, is a Tomato a fruit or vegetable?
And not the scientific bs lies they try to feed us…Deep down in your heart and soul what do you think a Tomato is?
I am no help to you regarding your first question, but I know some commenters will pick me up. Thank you for your service.
A tomato is a vegetable. I don’t care what anyone says about their seeds or science or whatever. When classifying a tomato based on taste and which foods they complement, common sense prevails: those shits are vegetables.
4. Long Distance Relationship vs. Fireball Across Town
LTFT, you know the drill. So I’m in a long distance relationship and am in need of some external advice.
My boyfriend and I met through Tinder while we were in the same city for work, deciding to be exclusive after roughly two months of talking. We’ve been together for about six months. Due to his job, he had to go to the Middle East for at minimum nine months (he could be there longer) starting two months ago. We talked about the pros and cons of staying together and opted to try to make it work. We click really well, I’ve met his family, and I can see myself with him for a long time.
Here’s where we have a problem. After matching with my boyfriend, I went back to my hometown where (since my bf and I were not exclusive yet) I proceeded to sleep with my ex, who we will call S. S doesn’t want a relationship, and I did, so we parted as friends, as we have done in the past. S and I talk infrequently but last week I went to a party he was at. I got too drunk to safely drive home and Uber was not an option.
S and I ended up sharing a camping cot and I left the next morning. Nothing happened between S and I, aside from a very deep conversation about why we don’t work as a couple. My best friend has compared it to napalm and gasoline.
Here’s where I am at a cross roads… do I stick out this long distance relationship with a great guy who might move to my hometown (DFW area, so it’s not the boonies) or put it on pause for a fling with S, who’s got a sex drive and temper that rival mine?
Dallas Girl
You’re in a committed, exclusive relationship with a guy and you’re asking me if he’s worth waiting around for after admitting that A) you are actively talking to another guy (your ex), B) you spent the night with the other guy while having a deep convo, and C) you think about him sexually.
I think you already know the answer to your question but you need to hear it from a neutral party. I think you also probably know that what you’re doing is fucked up. If you want to talk to and spend time with another guy, fine, but you should end it with your boyfriend first. It’s the right thing to do. Don’t be shitty. If you still have feelings for him when he moves back, try again to make it work.
5. D Man,
I know you are a big gym guy, and want to know your list of the Top 5 worst people you see at the gym. Really interested to hear your thoughts on this.
P.S. Shouts out Micah for continuing to grind in the octagon
Bet
I’ll try my best to come up with a top five:
5. the guy who occupies more than one machine at a time
4. the smelly guy (discussed in this Mailbag)
3. the guy who tries to get your attention when you’re using headphones/earbuds
2. the guy who makes a scene with his loud grunting and in-between-set theatrics to inform everyone there he’s moving big weight
1. the social butterfly who has lots of gym friends.
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Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
@dcheverere
@dcheverere
RogerJDorn
Lol @ the girl looking for some moral justification to bang her ex
Lol at the LDR girl wanting to “pause” a long distance relationship to sleep around. Are you aware what long distance relationships are and what they entail? If I were your boyfriend out in the Middle East and found out about you and your ex sharing a cot and doing everything but actual physical cheating, I’d break up with you in a heartbeat and find me some local girls that wouldn’t begin considering dumping me the second I leave town.
Is the new military guy is the same one being emotionally cheated on by the girl with her ex?
This mailbag was really deep and I just wasn’t ready for it
3. Not active duty nor infantry, but I’ve been in the army for 4 years. They’re changing up basic training for combat branches of the army. Read up on what you’re going to have to be able to do. My best advice would be to show up in shape. Be able to run 5 miles without stopping. Look up the fitness standards for the APFT and be able to exceed them. Most of all, be disciplined and pay attention to everything you are told. Make sure you get airborne in your contract or are going to Bragg if you really want airborne
Reserves or National Guard?
Worst gym dudes:
– guy who doesn’t clean up (reraack, wipe down)
– guy who pulls out phone between every set
– guy who puts 14 plates on each side of leg press to do half reps
– guy giving out unsolicited pointers
– guy who stands right in front of dumbbell rack to do curls
– guy who does CrossFit in middle of regular gym
Ft. Benning guy, congrats on manning-up and going Infantry. Everyone else sucks, and they know it.
Do the world a favor and don’t get some ridiculous moto tattoo on Victory Drive (“Death from above” or something like that) and don’t attempt to bang a stripper the first time they let you out.
Basic is going to be “difficult”, but it really is kids’ play compared to what you’re going to do at your unit in the near future.
Good luck.
You forgot about not buying the American sports car at 35%.
Dude with the herps, don’t worry dude it’s really not a big deal. You just gotta be upfront with your dates and say you’ve got it, but it’s not like a deadly disease or anything. A good time to tell is usually a couple dates, enough dates in that you think it’s worth broaching the subject, but you haven’t had sex yet. Straight guys are lucky because girls are usually pretty patient and understanding if you’re totally honest with them, and won’t bolt immediately just because you have herpes. You’ll still kill it player, just be confident. You’re not any less of a person because you’ve got the herp.
As a woman, I can honestly say I wouldn’t turn down a guy solely because of it. If you’re an absolute sociopath and have herpes, then yeah, that’s gonna be a no from me, but the rules are pretty simple: use protection, and don’t do the deed if you have an outbreak.
But if he’s an absolute sociopath with no STDs, you’re DTF?
Mr. Meeseeks, I’d like to make sure that our generation retires within the next decade
Wanna chime in here. Was sleeping with a guy I reeeally liked, and I’m pretty strict with condoms, even in a relationship (can’t really use birth control). This guy kinda wanted to do it without a condom, and I always said no. We stopped seeing each other for distance reasons. Then I find out through his best friend that he’s had herpes for a couple of years. I was PISSED. Not because he had herpes, that wouldn’t have stopped me if I really liked him (I did), but because he didn’t tell me AND wanted to have condomless sex without telling me about it. Moral: tell the girl, explain that it’s not a huuuuge deal, use a condom/take your meds, and get it.
Getting that kind of mean when drunk is definitely signs of some more deeply rooted issue and cause for concern. Even if he can go a couple months without drinking, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a problem when he does. If you’re worried, there’s no shame in talking to the ‘rents, they may have noticed it too.
I have the mouth herps (cold sores) and have been getting flare-ups since I was a kid so I sorta know your pain. The stats Dill mentioned really helped me just mentally deal with having them.
If we’re at the gym and you’re taking forever on a machine and it is the only machine of its kind then I’m seeing if I can work in. I’m not trying to spend hours at they gym.
Good luck in the comments #4. I’m not quite sure there’s any qualifying your situation.