The Saturday Morning Breakfast Blog: Equinox Gym Has Seduced Me With High-End Soaps And Amenities

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Disclaimer: Welcome to The Saturday Morning Breakfast Blog, or as I’ll call it from here on out “The S.M.B.B.” This is pretty self-explanatory. I don’t care if you stayed in last night or decided to house several light beers because you were finally set free from the shackles of your cubicle – I think everyone deserves a nice, lighthearted blog on a Saturday morning.

This is a spot where I’ll release a blog that I’m hoping you can enjoy with a hot cup of joe and maybe a toasted bagel with cream cheese. Saturday morning is all about not getting too high or too low, and the aim with this is to bring you simple, breezy, light reading that will ease you into your two days of rest and relaxation.

When I got an e-mail on Thursday afternoon telling me that I had been gifted a three day guest pass to Equinox fitness club, I scoffed. I’m a Planet Fitness guy by trade, a simple man with simple tastes. I like to go to the gym in the morning and spend no more time than is absolutely necessary inside. I don’t need bells and whistles to work out, plus it’s ten dollars a month and I’m not exactly training for the Olympics here so why should I spend any more than that when I already hate going to the gym?

I’m weary of free promotions much like an old timer is. I always feel like I’m about to get duped, and surely this was just some clever marketing ploy to get me inside and talking to a Equinox rep.

I knew what this three day guest pass really was – a thinly veiled sales pitch which would eventually lure me into purchasing a year-long membership. People talk about Equinox and other luxury gyms like they’re resorts but I’ve always been a naysayer. Foolishly I thought that this place wouldn’t be all that different from the crummy Planet Fitness that I usually go to. I was wrong. Dead wrong.

* * *

It’s 6:00 a.m. and I’m greeted with a warm smile and an offer to tour the Equinox facility with a guide. I decline, and I mosey my way up two flights of stairs to the locker room where I change into gym shorts and a ratty Duke basketball t-shirt. I enter the second floor cardio area, where I run one mile just to get my blood pumping.

Next to the treadmills is a small refrigerator filled to the brim with rolled up eucalyptus infused towels. I take two, using one on my arms and legs and then another to dab my face with. I throw both into a towel bin, and then I take yet another and make my up to the third floor where there are free weights and machines.

I complete a back and shoulders routine in just under 45 minutes, marveling at the amount of space I have to do my workout. The third floor weight room is crowded, but everyone there is doing their thing without having to interrupt someone else with the obligatory “You mind if I work in here?” or “Hey man, how many more sets you got left on this?” Unlike at Planet Fitness, there are enough weights for everyone here. I make my way to the sauna to decompress for twenty minutes.

Inside the sauna I closed my eyes and waited for my fingers to prune up. I could only handle fifteen minutes before I was ready to get the hell out of there, so I got into a shower and began rinsing off.

So far I had been impressed with the gym’s layout and the eucalyptus towels, but were unlimited towels and room to move around really worth the 250/month pricetag?

This question was answered for me when I stepped into the shower and noticed that they had Kiehl’s shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and face wash. I nearly got an erection when I put the amino acid shampoo in my hair. Just delightful.

By this time I was completely sold on Equinox, and as I walked out of that shower smelling of calendula flowers and grapefruit, I felt like a fool to think that I would be able to resist the charm of a high end gym like this.

I didn’t have to shave that morning, but since Equinox had free razors and shaving cream I did anyways. I don’t normally use mouthwash, but they had that too so I rinsed my mouth out. They even had that Pinaud Clubman powder that you can put anywhere and guess what? I took some of that tossed some on my nether regions.

I used two towels to dry myself off- just absolutely living in the lap of luxury – and then I moisturized my body with some Kiehl’s lotion that they had next to the blow dryers. You can be rest assured that anything that locker room had to offer I used. I was a kid in a candy store in there.

After putting my standard office outfit on (khakis that I’ve worn four days in a row and a wrinkly button down) I made my way back down to the lobby where I got myself an acai smoothie and chatted the receptionist up about my experience.

I’ve got two days left on my guest pass and I really don’t see how I can ever go back to Planet Fitness again. I’ve tasted the forbidden fruit. The Kiehl’s products, eucalyptus towels, and spa are all so nice. And I haven’t even sampled any of their workout classes yet!

I walked out of that gym feeling invigorated. When I leave Planet Fitness all I want to do is go home and take a shower, which by the way does not have Kiehl’s products inside of it. Equinox has its claws in me and I’m afraid I like it..

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Johnny D

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• jduda@grandex.co