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Wow. What a week. I went to London and there were like a million dudes still trying to out dick each other for Instagram fame and an engagement that probably wouldn’t last as long as Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande’s, and bingo bango bongo, I come back and we’re down to, like, twelve. Becca went ape shit sending dudes to their graves left right and center.
At the Pearl Jam show, Eddie talked a lot about honesty; he was losing his voice, saw a few voice specialists, and ended up having to cancel the second show the next night which prompted me to fling myself off of Tower Bridge. So, in Ed’s footsteps, in the name of honesty, I have to admit that I didn’t watch this week’s episode. Please forgive me. BUT, I did read Cricky’s recap so I feel well informed to deliver the perfect eugoogly for these poor idiots.
So, in honor of the Pearl Jam concert I went to in London, let’s plug in some Pearl Jam (if you like this one, here’s one of my favorite duets ever, Eddie Vedder and Ben Harper, doing the same song). Light a few candles. Say the Mourner’s Kaddish, and, as always, don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.
Mike, 27, sports analyst from Cincinnati, Ohio
Pro Football Focus’s Mike is the man with the golden locks. Let’s be honest: dude has awesome hair. But, we hardly got to know him. Probably because he’s relatively boring and didn’t make for great TV.
I think Mike will do fine for himself with the ladies. I mean, he’s got a dog named Riggins for fuck’s sake.
Oh, and he’s pretty good at dunking.
Ryan, 26, banjoist from Manhattan Beach, California
I liked Ryan, mostly because my intel tells me he’s originally from the Boston area and lived on a boat in the Boston harbor for a bit, which is equally parts absurdly wild and wicked cool. I know he’s listed as “banjoist” but one of his prior jobs was really altruistic: he used to work at Circle Surrogacy for a few years, an agency that assists people having children through surrogacy or egg donation. What a good dude!
Jean-Blanc, 31, Colognoisseur from Pensacola, Florida
This guy always sort of rubbed me the wrong way, and based upon Cricky’s description of how this guy went down in a blaze of glory shitty perfumes, my initial scent on this guy was correct: frickin’ weirdo.
Nick, 27, attorney from Orlando, Florida
Nick is a young lawyer who apparently works in workers compensation cases; I wonder what kind of work place faux pas he noticed during his time on the show? Quick observation about Nick: he’s absolutely shredded. When did this guy find the time to get so yoked while studying torts and contracts?
Christon, 31, former Globetrotter from Los Angeles, California
Christon: good at dunking. Also, his eyes are NUTS.
Okay, let’s watch this dude throw down, shall we?
He’s good.
RIP. .
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Boston Max
Spending my retirement fund at Trader Joe's and trying to remember to check my mailbox semi-regularly
@BostonMaxG
@boston_maxg
If Nick flexes for one more second in that shirtless pic he’s going to pass out. Also, you think he makes his dogs follow along with whatever insane diet he’s into each month?