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Attention all 8-percenters! All porch executives, weekend warriors, and tee-ball dads. Our time is now!
For far too long, the IPA Gang has dwelled in the shadows, allowing the murky tasteless swills of the world to dominate the beer market. No more! It’s summertime dammit and I for one intend to start drinking like it.
Whether you’re an IPA purist, a grapefruit guy (no shame in that, brother), or a double IPA enthusiast (they add more HOPS to it), mid-May is the time to make yourself known. An ice cold India Pale Ale on a beautiful sunlit afternoon tingles your taste-buds like a lake-side rope swing prickling against your palms right before launching you out over the crystal clear sky blue waters of summer.
The crisp, bitter character of an IPA is like your best friend who isn’t afraid to tell you when you look like shit. A good Pale Ale looks you right in the eyes when it shakes your hand, sour yet inviting. It’s sweet but not soft, as if to say, “Maybe I am grapefruit flavored, fuck you. Who doesn’t like fruit? Do you not need vitamin C? Does your body not require micronutrients? DO YOU WANT SCURVY!?”
The strong, potent and proud taste of malt, hops, and yeast is like a perfectly harmonious threesome in your mouth. The kind of three-way that just feels right; Requiring little to no preamble of awkwardly superfluous small talk or physical hemming-and-hawing.
IPAs provide New England beach bums like me with the perfect chaser with which to rid our mouths of the acrid taste of ocean water. After a solid hour-long body surfing session, you will have inevitably swallowed several unintentional mouthfuls of saltwater, sand, plankton, and seaweed (keep your head down, dude!). It’s all good, though, because all you have to do is get out of the water, dry yourself off, and crack open a Pale one.
My personal favorite summertime ale is the Heady Topper IPA by Alchemist Brewery in Vermont. These guys make a damn fine adult beverage. I shit you not, their dizzypops are like poetry in a silver tallboy can. This truly isn’t a free advertisement considering their products can only be purchased in Vermont, which is a damn shame.
That’s another thing about IPAs which seems to transcend the rest of the beer market, the fact that everybody seems to have a local favorite. In this sense, as well as the alcohol content, IPAs are more like wine than beer. Nobody gets this fired up about your everyday light beer. I would never say, “No Natty Light for me thanks, I’m a Keystone guy.” Because it’s all the same shit, just pour whatever cheap piss is lying around into some plastic cups and throw some dirty Ping-Pong balls into them, ya jabroney.
No matter the quality, an IPA exudes a sense of respectability that seems to be lacking in other light beers. Fancy light beers are like the kid who played prep school lacrosse and comes home with a totally unhinged coke problem. IPAs are more like the guy who does a semester abroad in Iceland when he’s 17 and comes home wearing cool Patagonia down jackets and knowing how to prepare and eat shark fin. It’s still beer, but for some reason, it’s much more cultured.
No matter your preference, I’m sure you’ll find any India Pale Ale to be the perfect companion to a sun-heated Adirondack chair, a nice grilled piece of meat, and a long-awaited sunset. The tartness of this chillingly smooth yet heady beverage reminds you to pump the brakes and enjoy the simpler things in life. So chill out, kick back, and treat yourself to some hoppy goodness, it’s summertime baby..
Hey Ladies & Gentlemen,
Summer doesn’t start until we drop a sale on you. Use code Memorial20 through midnight for 20% off at Man Outfitters. You know the drill- bathing suits, t-shirts, shorts, button-downs, loafers… Gear up, hit the lake, and have a great time.
-DCR
Image via Wikipedia Commons
Respond
@CP_17
cpseventeen
Yeah, that’s gonna be a no from me, dawg.
Figure it out Parker
Nobody likes IPA guy
What happened with Rocket Man?
He had an IPA at dinner with Mike Pompeo, had to pull the deal
IPAs are trash. Summer is reserved for delicious cocktails and ice cold light beer. I’m going the Deep Eddy’s Grapefruit and Soda route this weekend.
Pro tip: do not mix your deep eddy grapefruit with Miller lite. It doesn’t end well.
Big fan of Deep Eddy’s and grapefruit Topo Chico
Game changer, my man, game changer
Yellow Rose IPA out of Lone Pint (a Magnolia based brewery) might change your mind. It’s bright and on the lighter side of hops. About 7 abv and goes down easy.
Deep eddy’s lemonade and Blue moon (or some equivalent). Nothing better than a summer beer. Nothing.
Drinking IPA’s during summer is one way to quickly torpedo my barely passable beach body.
“For far too long, the IPA Gang has dwelled in the shadows, allowing the murky tasteless swills of the world to dominate the beer market.”
We’ve been hearing beer snobs bleating about these shitty bitter beers for over a decade now. It’s 85 degrees out. I’ll have the ice cold light beer, you can drink what you want.
Deep Eddy Grapefruit in a can of Stiegal Radler. 10/10.
Only Mexican beers and macro American light beers for me during the summer
Hot take: IPAs are trash.
*Correct take
The best known secret on this site is that IPAs blow, stick to light beer or the weak cocktail
Summer is meant for Busch Light, and if I’m feeling the need to class it up a bit Shiner Light Blonde or Shiner Ruby Red.
That Ruby Red is one of the best thing to ever touch a man’s lips
You and I, my friend, think alike.
The Shiner Strawberry Blonde is an excellent poolside beer. Nice flavor and super light.
I like the false sense of accomplishment that mowing the lawn provides. I do not however want my beer to taste like those lawn clippings.