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Last Friday, started out with a bold proclamation – I would not be going out that evening. The pollen count in my neck of the woods has been particularly high this year and my sinuses have been absolutely ravaged. These allergies, and a rather expensive steak dinner on Wednesday night left me feeling bloated and light in the wallet. I arrived home at 4:30 p.m. carrying a six pack of craft beer. My plan for the evening was simple – watch some playoff hockey, drink a few beers, and be asleep by midnight at the latest.
It wasn’t that I had a particularly grueling Saturday in front of me, but I figured a Friday night without spending money at a bar would be good for me. I knew that all three of my roommates were going to live shows on Friday night and I wouldn’t feel any peer pressure to go out. They’d be gone for the majority of the evening, and I had nothing to do but sit on my couch alone and eat a homemade turkey sandwich with a side of Ruffles All-Dressed potato chips.
The night was going according to plan until everyone started to trickle back into the house around 10:30 p.m. with vodka, whiskey, and more beer. What had initially started out as a quiet night in soon devolved into an impromptu house party, with grandiose plans of hitting a few bars a couple of blocks away from my living room.
This sort of thing frequently happens after leaving a live music venue. Everyone is in groups of 7-10 people, and one person will volunteer their home as a destination until something more concrete can be figured out. By 11:15, there were 15 to 20 people in the living room and I had no choice but to retreat back to my room and change out of my mustard stained sweatpants and into something more formal – jeans, Birkenstocks with woolies, and a bone white women’s blouse I had found on sale at Uniqlo. Incredible outfit, trust me on this one.
My three craft beers that I had consumed turned into four. Then five. And then I found myself with a vodka-soda in front of me and thinking that maybe going out wasn’t such a bad idea after all. Before I knew it, I was at a bar ignoring requests for personalized drinks and just getting everyone in my group a rail vodka-soda.
My night, which was supposed to end with me sleeping in bed at midnight, was now approaching three in the morning. Saturday turned into a disgusting display of self-pity. I rolled around in bed moaning until 11:00 a.m. which is unheard of for me. I haven’t stayed in bed that long in years.
My hangover was so bad I considered making myself throw up because I’ve heard that this is sometimes an effective way to get rid of one. Late in the afternoon, I was convinced that the only way to get rid of this hangover was to go back out and start drinking again.
This is a short-term solution. I eventually did end up getting drunk again, and because I apparently cannot say no, I got convinced by the same people from Friday night to go to a few more bars. Sunday morning, I legitimately thought I was going to die.
Going out two days in a row is no longer feasible. It just isn’t. I sweat through my bed sheets last night trying to fall asleep with the air conditioning on and a fan going. I’m sitting here on Monday afternoon with a hangover from Saturday night. You want to see abject defeat? Look no further. Stick a fork in me because I am done. I’m available for one night only going forward. Somebody kill me please. .
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jduda@grandex.co
I can’t wait to see Duda at 31.
I’ve got $5 on him going belly up at 27 from some crazy STD
I did a Thursday-Sunday bachelor party this weekend and all today I’ve felt like an alien doing his best impression of a human
I respect the hustle, Jonathon. Hope you’re not suffering too badly from a two day hangover. Where’d you go for steak last Wednesday? I hit Tango Sur, great if you haven’t been.
Bavettes. Phenomenal meal
This place is incredible. Came there both times I’ve been in Chicago – probably top 5 steak I’ve ever had. Bone marrow is pretty good too.
Damn, that place does look amazing. Date night, I assume. Did you get a cocktail there?
My last two nights in Nashville almost ended my life at a robust 29. I’m legitimately afraid of the next binge in Vegas or NOLA.
At this point I legit have no reason to go back to either of those cities with the intention of partying. Fear of how I will feel after outweighs the benefit of any fun to be had.
Glad to know there is life after 28
Tell me more about this blouse
Ignoring individual drink requests and ordering everyone what you want is 100% the move.
I feel this struggle. Managed to do 4 nights in a row in Vegas and still pretty impressed by this feat as 2 nights in a row in Chicago usually destroy me these days.
4 nights in a row in Vegas sounds like a death sentence. Especially if you’re hitting up pool parties during the day.
“2 Nights Max In Vegas” is my own personal version of “Never Go Back To Your Alma Mater”
Go Cougs
Definitely didn’t make it to any pool parties
Went to a concert Thurs, out Fri, vineyard tours/wine tasting followed by out again Sat, moved to a new city Sunday, started at a new office today. Threw my drinking boots away this morning.
Ruffles All Dressed are amazing. I still struggle to find them sometimes but they are a treasure when I do.
A women’s blouse? C’mon man. How do you get laid
It’s called peacocking.
It’s called cross dressing