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On the heels of “the most ambitious crossover event in movie history,” I feel as though it’s time to admit to all of you that I don’t exactly play by the rules when it comes to snack etiquette at the movie theatre. Infinity War has a runtime of two hours and forty minutes, and while I’m not exactly a fan of those kinds of movies, I think it’s important for all of you to consider options outside of the concession stand at your local theater.
As a teen and well into my college years, the theater that I frequented the most offered something phenomenal – free refills on popcorn and pop (sorry, my Pure Michigan roots will not allow me to use the word “soda”) in any size. I was never strapped for cash during this period of time, but the thought of spending roughly twelve dollars on a small popcorn and pop was abhorrent to me.
I’d simply buy my ticket, go to my designated theater, and then find a popcorn bucket and leftover pop from the garbage near the entrance. I’d wash the cup out in the bathroom, wipe the popcorn bucket down with a few napkins, and bimbo bambo, I’d have a delicious snack and drink for free. They also had delicious ICEE’s at this theater I’m talking about, but the tops were different for those and sometimes more difficult to find in the garbage.
It’s not like those trash cans have anything other than empty candy wrappers, popcorn buckets, and cups in them. No one is vomiting into a movie theater trash can next to the entrance (unless you were walking out of Gigli starring Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez). That’s a little box office humor for you – sorry if it offended anyone.
The maintenance staff cleared those garbage cans out every couple of movies and I really didn’t see anything wrong with it. Sometimes I’d bring in a few beers as well. It’s always hilarious when the lights are dimmed and you immediately hear the crack of crispy cold cans from various parts of a theater.
Many of you will sit in your ivory towers and tell me I’m disgusting. That’s fine and you know what? I get it. Stealing used popcorn buckets and empty cups out of a trash receptacle isn’t for everyone. But that way of life shaped my movie-going experience moving forward.
The theaters I go to here in Chicago don’t offer free refills because they definitely know about the “garbage scheme” I was taking advantage of during my earlier years. The theaters here have forced my hand a bit.
Never in the history of movie theaters have we seen prices this high. The going rate for a bag of popcorn is through the goddamn roof, and while I love having popcorn during a movie, I can no longer bring myself to buy a bucket that costs eight or nine bucks. That’s highway robbery, folks. And so I sneak food in.
I’m telling you right now that this is not a move for the faint-hearted. You’re going to get some pushback from friends and family members who want to remain apart of the herd of sheep that willingly purchases movie theater sponsored snacks.
To many people, this is as bad as taking empties from the garbage cans near the entrance to your assigned theater. To me, this is the only way to get back at Big Movie Theater and their tyrannical reign over concessions. Nowadays you can order brick oven pizzas, chicken tenders with fries, and chicken alfredo, brought right to you by a waitress while you recline in a plush leather chair. The only problem is the uptick for getting something like that has become obscene.
You can get mixed drinks to go with your lightly salted buttered popcorn, but what if I told you that you could do all of that for free? I mean seriously what is stopping us from grilling a few cheeseburgers up before the big movie and bringing one wrapped in tin foil to the movies?
Why should I pay top dollar for a medium sized popcorn when I can use my Williams-Sonoma Whirley Pop and get the same result for a fraction of the price? The only way that these theaters are going to bring down the price of popcorn, pop, and sweet treats is by playing hardball. Stop buying and they will be forced to listen to the masses. We are the 99%, and Big Movie Theater should not be getting away with this..
Respond
jduda@grandex.co
I don’t know a single person who would disagree it’s a good idea to bring in your own snacks/drinks. But reusing items from the garbage can is flat out disgusting and astonishing, even for you.
100%. There’s not playing the theater’s game, and then there’s outright stealing from them. Trash move (pun unavoidable).
This all but confirms a running theory of mine that you’re homeless
He’s just a literal trash person
Not now Johnny, we’re fighting over whether NYC is a shithole!
Hint: It is
How wild is that comment section? Good stuff for a Tuesday morning
It’s a god damn war in there. Going back in, cover me!
I’m pissed I missed the start of it.
I’ve always wanted to pull a Charlie Kelly and bring a ziploc bag full of spaghetti and meatballs to the movies.
“Uh hi, yes, what exactly is your spaghetti policy here?”
I was mistaken Duda, I thought your outfits and general opinions on the world was the worst thing about you. Dumpster diving for used cups and popcorn bowls is a LITERAL TRASH MOVE.
Went and saw Super Troopers 2 by myself on Friday. Stuffed 5 beers in my tucked in polo, then threw a baggy pullover on top. Paranoia was at an all time high when I sat down between 2 strangers and untucked, letting all the beers clank out. Overall great move though.
I got a little too blazed and fell asleep halfway through it. Was it actually good? All I remember is a fight scene every five minutes.
Not sure, I had an edible before I went. I know I laughed just about the entire time though
You can’t lump sneaking food and drinks into a theater with dumpster diving for cups together one is completely normal and the other is a literal trash move
Once when I was younger I snuck a whole loaf of banana bread into the theatre and ate the entire thing. All those carbs and not a care in the world. I miss those days.
living. the. dream.
My brother and I snuck in full size subs from jersey mike’s once. It was summer so we hid them in our pants. Would’ve been totally discrete if the woman next to us didn’t fall off her chair laughing at the sight of us whipping giant cheesesteaks out of our pants
is that a sandwich in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Moviepass for the win