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As is usually the case, it started with a group text.
Mark: Ok guys it’s almost summer, we’ve been putting this off for too damn long. We’ve gotta get this golf trip together or it’s never going to happen. And if that’s the case the only time we’re all getting together this year is for Tubbs’ wedding.
Leo: Yeah, I’m not going to Tubbs’ wedding. Softball Worlds that weekend in Orlando.
Tubbs: Whatever dick, I didn’t want to pay for your beef or chicken anyways.
Leo: Man I’m sorry, those guys need me though. Been crushing the ball lately.
Jeffrey: It’s softball, Leo. Softball. Anyways I’ve told you guys from the start I’m in, just let me know the weekend. Ever since Christy moved out I’ve got unlimited free time and money, it’s fucking amazing.
He stared at his phone, watching his friends turn something as simple as booking a golf weekend into a shitshow. They had talked about getting a trip together for a long time; just like they’d talked about going in on a tailgate spot at their alma mater or multiple Vegas trips that never materialized.
Since he was busy watching Grant (and working on his putting stroke on the mat in his living room) he felt it better to just send his input then let the idiots figure out the plans. He typed up a text as Grant walked up next to him to grab his putter.
“Like I’ve said before, give me two months notice so I can make sure I’ve got childcare for that weekend, and I’m in. Figure it out, I fucking need this this.”
He hit send then turned his attention to a wildly swinging Grant. “Hey bud, show me your real putting stance.”
Grant spread his feet out wide and threw the putter over his shoulder like Bryce Harper. His father shrugged and walked over to correct him, still holding his phone in his left hand and watching it light up with trip planning progress.
Mark: Oh daddy is in! If he’s in we’ve all gotta make it happen. Figured he couldn’t give up watching Paw Patrol for an entire weekend to join us.
Tubbs: Since I’m doing that low key fishing trip for my bachelor party I’m pretty much in the clear. Plus Lindsey has two bachelorette parties this summer anyways, so I’m good to go.
Drew: Yeah, considering I’m getting snipped in a few weeks I’m pretty much in the clear for literally anything. I could tell the old ball and chain that we’re taking a golf trip to Amsterdam and I think I’d still be good to go.
James: I’m golfing right now so can’t really chime in, but I’m booked pretty much all of August but anything else I’m in. I’ve also got four out-of-state weddings this year so if we could avoid anything that involves a flight that’d be greaaaat (Lumberg voice).
Drew: So like, you wouldn’t be down for Wisconsin or Myrtle?
James: Since I live in Austin, would I have to fly there?
Drew: Probably, yeah.
James: Then no Drew, I wouldn’t be down for Wisconsin or Myrtle. Just mark me down for anywhere driving distance and not in August. I’ll check the text in a bit, I’m going low as fuck today.
I bet he doesn’t break 90. Someone needs to take initiative already.
He put his phone up on the counter so he could use both his hands to help Grant get a proper putting grip and start working on a simple stroke. He put his hands over Grant’s and together they pulled the club back and sent it down the mat and into the hole.
“WOW!” Grant jumped up like he’d just won The Masters. “I’m a great putter!”
Well, it is all about confidence I guess.
“Yeah buddy, great putt. Why don’t you work on a couple on your own for a minute.” He picked his phone back up to check on the progress of the trip. It was right then that he saw a wild card had been put into play.
Tubbs added Frank to the conversation
Mark: Ah shit, sorry Frank, can’t believe I forgot you.
Drew: I forgot him on purpose.
Frank: It’s all good guys, but let’s do this fucking trip in VEGAS!
Mark: No.
Drew: No.
Leo: I’m never going to Vegas with you again.
James: Sarah said she’d leave me if I went to Vegas with you again.
Frank: Come on guys, I’m a changed man, I’m on probation now.
He looked up and saw Grant continuing to swing away, but gently tapping the ball. “Hit it a little harder buddy” he said, before staring back down at his phone and typing, “No you’re not Frank. Alright, where are we headed guys?”
Drew: If we’re doing driving distance let’s do DFW, Austin, or Lake Charles. That’s driving distance for everyone except Leo, Leo you good flying out?
Leo: Do I have a choice?
Drew: Nope.
Leo: Then yeah, I’m good flying.
Mark: Perfect. I vote DFW. I’ve already looked at stay and play packages there, and it’s about the same drive for everyone. Lots of courses and shit to do there.
Tubbs: And you and Drew both live in DFW.
Mark: This is also true, but Lake Charles is an absolute hike for everyone, and I’m pretty sure Frank is rightfully banned from that muni course we played at in Austin. I’ll go find us a solid stay and play package for July if everyone is in on this now. All in favor?
Frank: Hell yeah I’m in, Drew can I come up a night early and crash at your place?
Drew: I’m in on DFW and no Frank you absolutely cannot.
Tubbs: I’m in.
James: Going low as fuck today isn’t working out, but yeah I’m in for DFW.
Mark: What about you daddy, think you can pawn Grant off and come join us in DFW?
This was perfect. He needed a golf trip in the horizon to get him through the grind this next few months. He furiously typed “Damn right, daddy is in and going low” and hit send as fast as he could.
Beaming to himself, he opened up his phone browser to start looking at stay and play packages on his own. Nothing like a golf trip to-
WHACK!
Taking his father’s advice to heart, Grant had swung harder, sending the ball flying past the mat and the club careening out of his hands, right into his father’s shins.
Yeah, that’s gonna bruise. .
If you’re enjoying following “PostGrad Single Dad,” be sure to go listen to the latest episode of “The DadGum Podcast” with Dillon Cheverere, live on Grandex Labs.
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Kyle Bandujo
The artist formerly known as Crash Davis. My kid doesn't think I'm funny.
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Knowing Grant had a golf club made that the most anxiety inducing text conversation
My money was on a window breaking
I just always assume it’s going to be a shattered tv screen. Was waiting for it the whole time. A hit to the shins doesn’t seem too terrible by comparison.
Frank is the friend every group needs
Need a spin-off series on Frank here. Sounds like a real wildcard
It’d be like having a HIMYM spin-off with just Barney. Great in theory, but probably terrible in execution.
Pictured “Old School” Frank and read his texts in Will Ferrell voice the whole text exchange.
“Daddy is in and going low” was probs not supposed to be sexually suggestive, but that’s where I took it on this Wednesday.
Sup?
What about next Wednesday, sup?
How about the one after that. Sup?
Disappointed that the cheap flights, great courses, and endless “entertainment” venues to Myrtle didn’t get more of a look. It’s the be all, end all of golf trips. But it ain’t my trip.
Where are you getting cheap flights to Myrtle? I had to fly into Charlotte and drive in last year just to save some coin.
We have a golf agent we go through. I usually hop a puddle jumper to CLT, then on my way. We played 6 rounds of primo courses, flight, and villa for 4 nights last June. $800 a man.
Direct flights from MSP for $160.
….shit I’m the lite version of Frank in my group. Nobody will go to NOLA with me.