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You’re probably thinking, this is going to be another random column about a random fella who doesn’t understand how dating works, mainly because he failed so many times. While part of that is true (I’m a picky guy), it is no secret that the dating game has changed drastically. People have more access to options, most people don’t want to be committed, the list goes on. However, I am here to tell you that if you are single and want to be in a relationship, I want to let you know the secret is to not to chase.
Before I continue, I need to provide some background information about myself. I graduated from from a 4-year university in 2016. I am currently residing in Richmond, Virginia as a Medical Sales Representative. The job provides a lot of opportunities, plus Richmond can be a fun place to live. Long story short, I’m a deal closer and very family-oriented. I have a work hard, play harder mentality and I’m always content for what lies ahead. Life is good. No reason for me to complain right?
Well since I graduated, I’ve been on countless dates. From dates where I know for a fact that we wouldn’t work out 5 minutes in, to dates where I saw a lot of potential but, in the end, they aren’t willing to pull their weight. I was chasing dates constantly for the hope that something great would come out of it. However, until recently, I realize I am doing the dating game wrong. Dating is a two-way street, and if I don’t see an investment, then I am not going to waste my time. No one is perfect, but that shouldn’t give me a reason to not be choosy.
Yes, I want to be in a relationship. I want to go home after making a big sale, with my significant other who is also coming back from a long day of work kicking ass, have a couple glasses of wine, watch Anthony Bourdain’s: Parts Unknown while we joke about why Guy Fieri looks like a new Dorito flavor mixed with hair gel, and then eventually have intense sex while The Revivalists is playing in the background, because hell, who wouldn’t want that? However, I believe collectively, the chasing for a relationship needs to stop.
I want to point out there is nothing wrong with showing interest to another. I am not talking about that. Showing interest is a clear indication you like the other person, and it is up to that other person to communicate back clearly. I am talking about chasing something that you don’t see any sort of hint to continue. Basically, you decide to show interest, you don’t get any sort of obvious clue that the other person thinks of you the same way, and you continue to push interest while they put you in the back burner. For those of you that do this consistently after weeks or even a few days, I guarantee you are wasting your time and energy. If you show you have interest constantly, not only it can show desperation, it can also show insecurity. For anyone still reading, you are better than this.
Getting someone to like you is like sales, in a sense. If people want to connect with you, it is not because they like you, it is because you like them. A salesperson understands this fully and takes this input to their daily lives. If someone doesn’t show interest, it’s because they are either undecided or not interested in you. Plain and simple. There could be multiple reasons why they aren’t ready or not interested, however, the result is the same and you shouldn’t waste your time to ponder the “why?”
Instead of worrying on trying to get him/her to focus on you, focus on yourself. Become a better human being, because that will attract others. People are attracted to others who see self-improvement, it’s science. The beautiful thing is everyone can do this, because humans are an imperfect species. There are plenty of ways to start. Here are a few examples:
– Spend more time with your family
– Get into a gym routine and stick with it
– Volunteer in your community more often
– Focus on your work and get that promotion you want
– Travel more and embrace different cultures
– Adopt a foster dog and train him/her daily
– Pick up a new musical instrument/learn to read music
If you focus on yourself, you focus on what is best for you. Not only is it fulfilling, but it makes you a better person. People will come and go, yes. However, the ones who stay will know your worth. It is time for you to take control instead of someone else driving your emotions.
Just try it for a few weeks. You will realize the only person you need to impress is yourself, and there is no better feeling than accomplishing something you did on your own..
Image via Shutterstock
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ViagraSalesman
Drugs can be the cheat codes of life. However, abuse it too much, and it doesn't get any more fun.
Great read, Boner Pill Pusher. Do you get high on your own supply?….that’s a peepee joke guys. Alright, happy Tuesday Lol
This article is awesome and after some recent posts, definitely needed. I also need to toss you a “sup” after that 4th paragraph. Damn.
Too old for “intense sex”. PGP
Buddy, mid 20s to early 30s are your intense sex prime. I need that kinda sex like I need oxygen.
He’s absolutely right, we’re all just dick salesmen looking for a commission
THIS. Finally someone articulates what so many of us have been trying to say in the comments section of other articles. Thank you.
For real. I’ve been trying to say exactly this behind all the cute things I say like how we’re all trapped on a prison planet owners by a select few and how it’s only going to get worse here on out lol
Thanks, ViagraSalesman.
This was a real…….pick me up..
“If someone is interested in you, they’ll make it known. If they’re not, who gives a fuck.” Prob the best advice my older brother gave me.
I’ve been focusing on this for the past year, and yes I’m still single. But my body is back in pre-college shape and I don’t miss the anxiety of bad dates and waiting to hear back from someone who clearly isn’t interested. Don’t make your happiness rely on someone else.
Name does not check out.
Completely agree. It’s the mentality that no one else is responsible for your happiness but you. And if you seek a relationship in the hopes that it will fulfill you, that’s a lot of pressure to put on the other person.
Goddamn dude I needed this so badly. Came out of a 3 year relationship in August and have started dating a new girl in February that seems amazing. I’m trying to not be a shithead like I was in the relationship but it means I’m making some major mistakes like being way too keen, some of which made me cringe to think about while reading. Hope I haven’t fucked it up with new girl and it’s not too late. Solid first article 10/10.
It’s so cool how articles written on here help people out. Gotta say the community aspect of PGP is pretty neat.
If you feel that your girl is pulling away from you, don’t fall into the illusion of action (oh I’ve gotta do something!) and start chasing. Don’t chase.
Instead pull away yourself by filling your time being busy with work projects, working out, family, etc. If she really likes you she’ll notice you’ve backed away a bit and have been working on yourself and she’ll hit you up.