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There are certain adjectives we would all love to have used when we are referenced by our boss in the workplace. Determined, a leader, team player, etc. Cliché perhaps, but these words are nice to hear and typically have something to do with the quality of work being performed or, at the very least, a characteristic that has been shown through a successful project. It’s not so often that you get a compliment on something that isn’t work-related, and yet that’s where I have found myself.
The other day I had a meeting with my boss regarding a time-sensitive contract issue, and although successful, afterward I was informed that she told a coworker I was “so cute” during the conversation.
Umm, excuse me?
Look, I’ll be the first one to admit that I am in fact very cute, but do you know where I don’t want to be described as cute? Any work situation that is legitimately serious! Especially one where I was being assertive to make things happen! This was not an instance when I had any intent to be anything less than on my game because I needed answers, but, unfortunately, my boss left our meeting thinking, “Aww, she’s adorable!”
Great. This is exactly the kind of impression I want to leave on the person who decides if I get a raise or a promotion!
Not.
So what am I supposed to think? Where do we go from here? Do I just go into future meetings knowing that my confidence plays off as the equivalent of a puppy playing in the snow? Should I be flattered that my charming personality knows no bounds and has cracked my normally not-so-fun boss lady’s exterior enough to tell other people about it? The jury is still out.
Granted, I’m sure this would be a different story if my boss were, say, an attractive dude. Would I be as thrown off if my work crush who also happened to be overseeing me thought I was delightful during negotiations? Doubtful. But when that judgment comes from a middle-aged woman who rarely smiles and has never paid me a compliment things get confusing. Is it too much to ask to be taken seriously?
And maybe I’m overreacting. What harm is there in it really? Because in almost any other situation I would happily accept the descriptor of cute. Yes, I am not too shabby looking and endearing, thank you very much! What a nice thing for you to say! There’s just something about this situation that rubs me the wrong way and leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Kittens are cute. Mini-cupcakes are cute. Videos of old people dancing are cute. For goodness sake, babies can be cute. However, this is not the desired category in which I would like myself to be placed into when I am trying to get through the grind that is Monday to Friday. Call me cute at happy hour all you want, just don’t do it at the office..
Respond
Whatever Lola Wants
Outward appearance of being a hot mess with just enough Type A personality to not be a complete disappointment to my parents. Almost as good at avoiding commitment as I am at holding my liquor.
@LauraMeinert
You have to fight her. That’s the only option.
in a mud pit… in a bikini… in the office.
…Sup?
aren’t you married?
Name checks out.
I lol’ed
Uh, you realize “sup” is a joke and not an actual attempt at a date, etc, right?
This would piss me off. I don’t know the whole context of the situation, but it really seems to imply a lack of respect. You’re in a meeting trying to do your job and she says you were ‘so cute’? That’s some annoying, condescending shit right there. Maybe I jump the gun too soon, but I would look for a different job. If she doesn’t take you seriously, then she’s not going to give you any raises/promotions.
Hard to read if you don’t know exact context or intent. Maybe she was literally just saying she thought she looked cute as in really put together or dressed nicely. Probably best to avoid reading into it too much unless/until a pattern emerges
Lol
Is Dillon dead?
The Touchers deserve to know if he still has his cabeza
I am genuinely concerned
Aw this was cute.
The Knicks fan in me is triggered by your username
I have no idea how office politics (or relationships for that matter) work between women, but it definitely seems to imply a lack of respect, especially if your boss was on the opposite side of the issue. What was the context of her conversation with your coworker?
agreed. This does not sound like a compliment, especially when Lola describes the boss as “a middle-aged woman who rarely smiles”. I have no idea how I would handle it though. I can’t imagine why a boss would say that to a coworker.
Don’t know the situation or tone it was used in, but “that’s cute”, to me, is extremely passive aggressive, dismissive and patronizing. I could be TOTALLY misreading this, but there are literally a million other words this woman could have used and it’s extremely odd and suspicious that she’d use that one. But, being middle aged, maybe it doesn’t have the same meaning as it does to me.
I still don’t know the full context of the situation either but after reading this it seems that your boss is just checked out and probably questioning if any of this shot is worth at the end of the day because she’s probably been doing this horse shit for way too long. I don’t think she meant to slight you or come off as demeaning. You probably just woke her up a little bit and put a fire under her ass and the word “cute” came out. She’s probably impressed by you. I know we live in a world that takes offense to everything, but don’t get offended by this. If she keeps doing it and her tonality seems to prove otherwise or if she tries to touch your butt or something then take action and by taking action I mean go get the HR Department fires because there I still have not figured out what they do everyday, get your boss fired, and then light the office on fire because offices are literally pointless space occupiers lol
My typos make this unreadable so I will take myself out now
You may want to clarify the full context before making any rash decisions. I’ve known people to only relay partial information to cause issues between coworkers to help their own office advancement.
Agreed. Talk to her, ask her to elaborate on what she meant. If she gives you a less than satisfactory answer, document everything that was discussed as soon as you finish talking to her and then go talk to HR.
Play hardball and report your boss to HR for making sexual comments about you to a coworker during office hours. See if she thinks youre cute after that.