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If you don’t date a lot, or you’re just getting back in the game, the whole process can take a toll on your nerves. First dates are scary as shit, and even if you’re a gold-star bumble user, you’re bound to run into a date every now and again that gets you all jittery and sweaty. I know this because, while I have been known to go on my fair share of dates, I went out with a gentleman on Sunday night and on my way I nearly asked the Uber driver to turn around. I don’t know what it was about this kid, but he had my head all sloshy and my body all tingly before I walked through the door.
If you get nervous or anxious or queasy before a date do not trip, you’re not alone. People don’t talk about it, but walking into a first date (no matter how hot or confident you are) can do all types of things to your emotional stability. I get it.
There’s a reason we put up with endless vodka-sodas and Ubers across town, however, and it’s all for the L word. Lust or Love, you pick. Either way, I’m proud of you for getting out there. Take the below five tips on how to combat first date nervousness as an offering, from me to you, in honor of your goddamn cajones.
Call before the date.
When you’re en route in an Uber, or a block away on foot, give your date a ring. I know, it sounds a little crazy in an era of texting using mostly emojis, but just trust me on this one. I bet you met your date on an app, right? So this call will be the first time you’ve heard the person’s voice. Talking on the phone breaks the ice, it gets the awkward out and demystifies the other person. All you have to say is, “Hey! I’m close. Are you here?” and immediately they transform from an intimidating member of the opposite sex to a normal person with a normal voice.
Pump up song.
Now before you throw on “Eye of the Tiger” full throttle, please know that’s not what I mean by pump up song. The pre-date pump up song should not be a fist bumper or a locker room classic, it needs to be the type of song that gets you in the zone. The type of song that makes you want to get tipsy and talk to a stranger, the type of song that, after one listen, reminds you that you’d rather go out and shoot your shot than strip and watch Netflix after work. My song? Sometimes it’s “Rock Your Body” by Justin Timberlake and sometimes it’s “No Role Modelz” by J. Cole. Either way, my pump up song reminds me that even though I’m exhausted from work, life’s too short to go home and drink water.
Order their drink.
If you get there early, order their drink. Text your date, “Hey, just got to the bar, what are you drinking?” or conversely, if you’re late, “Ahh I’m running late! Order me a martini?” There’s something about doing a favor (even a tiny favor) like ordering a drink for someone that creates a connection, it’s a bit of comradery to make you feel comfortable and get the date rolling.
Wash your hands.
I mean, yes, please wash your hands before every date. That’s just generally courteous. Also though, use the hand washing excuse as a chance to take a breath and re-group. After you walk into the bar, see your date, approach with caution, and cheek kiss them hello, say the following; “I’m just going to run to the restroom and wash my hands.” It gives you a second, after the initial hello, to take a breath, collect your thoughts, freak out about how hot they are, and get back out there.
Admit you’re nervous.
There’s nothing more endearing than being slightly vulnerable whilst courting a potential lover. Being honest about your first date jitters is both flattering to the person across the table and diffuses any tension or anxiety. It says, “Hey, you’re cool enough for me to be nervous about,” which would make anyone feel good. Plus, admit you’re nervous and it’s instantly a breath of fresh air. Nervous you is hotter than any facade you curate, I promise.
I practice what I preach, so trust me when I say these tips are tried and tested. Couple the above advice with the obligatory pre-date drink (two fingers Tequila on the rocks, duh) and you’ll be fine. Hell, you’ll be better than fine. You’ll be the charming, nerdy, interesting, funny person you always have been. Just this time, your nerves won’t get in the way. .
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CallMeVictoria
Life is messy, let's get dirty. itwasvictoria@gmail.com
@callmevictoria
@itwasvictoria
I still get nervous on dates with my wife. I’m always in fear and at risk of a perfect moment in time when she glances across the restaurant and sees a hot dude right at the same time I’m making some idiotic comment like I always do and she realizes what a mistake the past 7 years have been
People might call you crazy, but these are the words of a reasonable man.
Dude I love first date nervousness. If the stakes aren’t high, are you even playing?
If there are no nerves, the date is over before it began.
Well said.
My pump up song is “I Just Had Sex” by lonely Island, you have to visualize success.
Not to be a downer, but as a girl I’d be nervous about accepting a drink they ordered for me before I got there. At least if it was a first date with a true stranger from an app. Like I really don’t think guys are out there drugging girls left and right, but crazies do exist and can hide it long enough for you to let you guard down. Do the kids not worry about this anymore? Am I old?
No! This is a very valid point, one to be cognizant of for sure and something I certainly overlooked in writing this piece. Everyone, men and women, should air on the side of caution (especially in accepting drinks) on a first date.
One trick I used was to go to the exact same place for every date. It’s off the beaten path, serves good drinks, and you can get a crab grilled cheese sandwich or sushi. All about that home turf, baby.
Tell me more about this crab grilled cheese?
According to their menu:
“Shrimp, Crab & Manchego $10.00
Sauteed shrimp, crab salad with manchego cheese on grilled tuscan bread”
Unbeatable for $10.00.
I’ll take one to go
I used to do a variation of this, where on dates where I was more hopeful that we were going to have good chemistry, I’d pick a place I already knew and liked because I figured a “home field advantage” would help the date come together better. For dates where I was less optimistic, I’d pick somewhere completely new to me because I figured worst case scenario, I got to explore a new place in the city.
The thought of kissing someone on the cheek the second I walk into a first date is giving me anxiety.. How do you do this in a non-awkward way?
The half hug. It’s not as though you’re planting one of their cheek from the side… just a small “peck”.
Yeah but what if they’re already sitting when you get in? Or what if they’re sitting in a bar stool and I can’t even reach, ya girl over here is v short
If a guy doesn’t get up to greet you that’s a red flag
Posted this on here previously, but if the guy has any semblance of interest in you and self-confidence in himself, he’ll go for the hug upon greeting you. There is no easier way to breach the contact barrier.
Whenever a girl gets there I either stand up or they stand up when I get there. Could just be my luck?
If you’re goldeneye era Pearce Brosnan and your meeting your Moroccan model date at a mega yacht/casino opening/christening you can get away with the cheek kiss MAYBE. Otherwise what the fuck are you doing. that over the top chivalry is on par with calling her m’lady and tipping fadora.
Alcohol will obliterate any nerves you may have.
I don’t know what this says about me, but my pump-up song is Stayin’ Alive by the Bee Gees…
Change over to We Trying to Stay Alive by Wyclef. You’ll thank me.
Am I the only one who thinks it would be weird for someone to specifically state that they were going to wash their hands?
I could see excusing yourself to go to the bathroom (even if its just to wash your hands/collect yourself), but the hands only thing comes off as kind of neurotic to me.