======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
Our monthly girls night dinner started out like any other. It was unseasonably cool for August and our outdoor patio table was filled with half-eaten plates of food and completely empty pitchers of sangria. We discussed work, last-minute summer trips, and of course, how excited we were for fall.
“Ugh, I just cannot wait to wear my burgundy over-the-knee boots again,” my friend commented while picking an apple out of her sangria. “Why isn’t it September yet?”
Everyone agreed and began discussing the potential fall activities we could all drag our boyfriends along to. Apple picking, pumpkins patches, and foliage road trips were all discussed until one idea rose above them all.
A winery day. Complete with an overpriced party bus and an abundance of fake-laughing pictures in the vineyards. It would be couples only, so tough luck for anyone who was single or would go through a break-up before the big day.
I also agreed with an enthusiastic smile knowing that this day-trip would never actually happen. Don’t get me wrong, I love wine just as much as the next girl. And wine tastings? Count me in every day of the week and twice on Sunday. But nothing sounds more like my personal idea of hell than shelling out more than $300 a couple just to witness a drunken fight on the bus ride home while nursing a hangover when I could be watching college football in my pajamas and drinking $6 Trader Joe’s wine from the comfort of my couch. But I was in the clear. No way these girls would be organized enough to coordinate a day-trip three months away. Right?
Yet here I am. Having to break the news to my significant other that yes, we will be participating in this activity because I forgot to make up an excuse about being out of town that weekend and the payment is due in advance so we can’t even pretend to be sick the day-of.
I should be excited for this. I’m admittedly pretty basic in every other way possible. I love brunch and tapas and rooftop bars. I’m counting down the days until Taylor Swift’s new album. It only makes sense that I would be into organized coupley fall things too.
But it doesn’t just stop at the winery. Hayrides, corn mazes, fall festivals and couples costumes make me recoil in horror. Anything involving me, my boyfriend, and more than four other people with a pumpkin makes me want to run the other way. I can’t explain it except that I may be the world’s worst fall girlfriend ever.
Maybe it’s because my relationship is fairly new and I don’t want to subject him to things he’ll hate but still have to pay for and act happy about. Maybe it’s because these activities mostly just include every couple trying to one-up everyone else’s happiness. Or maybe it’s because it doesn’t matter what time of year it is – my favorite thing to do is spend quality time at home with the person I’m dating.
You can keep your “FALLing in Love” Instagram captions and your couples-only pumpkin carving parties. I’ll be just fine sharing a blanket and a bottle of red at home with the only person I actually care about impressing.
That being said, I can’t make the same promise two months from now. Because come Christmas season, I’ll be singing “Baby It’s Cold Outside” on repeat while mainlining hot chocolate and dragging him to every snowy Christmas tree farm and holiday party around the city. It’s the most wonderful time of the year for a reason, right? .
Respond
The things guys will do for regular sex is wild isn’t it?
You know who won’t force you to constantly do shit you don’t wanna do yet charge around the same price you’d pay to take a girl out to a mediocre dinner/drinks at some mundane sports bar yet still giving you what you want? Escorts lol
Most people do this type of shit anyway except they do it for free most times
Some asshole is gonna invent the Uber of escorting soon since like everyone in our generation is poor and we need other avenues of income to pay down our massive debts.
Yay!
I think it’s called craig’s list.
*invents the Uber of the AirBnb of the Brothel industry where they bring the brothel to you via a mobile home that accepts Bitcoin as payment*
It was called the eros.vision ICO. Until it got shot down it was gonna be the BitCoin for hookers.
That just might be crazy enough to work.
The fact that you want to watch football, drink wine and spend alone time with your boyfriend instead of trying to one-up others on social media might actually make you the best Fall girlfriend.
The boyfriend wanted to go to a cider mill this weekend, I convinced him we need to stay home and day drink to football instead… I might be the worst.
Eh no… Quite the opposite in fast. You the real MVP
“Maybe it’s because my relationship is fairly new and I don’t want to subject him to things he’ll hate but still have to pay for and act happy about” God Bless you.
—Every new boyfriend this fall
Don’t mainline beer, we tried it, it was bad
Are you the worst fall girlfriend?
Abso-fucking-lutely not. The worst are the girls that think their significant other really wants to go apple picking or to a corn maze. As a guy that has spent a little time out amongst the corn I can tell you it ain’t that much fun. Your boyfriend is lucky to have you.
Is your name ‘Girl’? Then no. You are not the worst fall girlfriend.
I feel the same way, from a single girl’s perspective. I asked my roommates to go apple picking without me, but I’ll help make apple pie at home. Big group fall activities are not my thing, unless it’s a tailgate.
Wait do we date???