The Day Before My Best Friend’s Wedding

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My best friend is getting married tomorrow.

That feels weird to type. I’m not sure why, but it feels really big right now. Shocking, even, It’s been a long time coming. She dated him for years. She’s been engaged for a year and a half. Hell, it’s been well over two years that they went to the ring shop together and picked out her perfect, 1-carat halo. It’s not like this was a surprise.

And still, as I’m sitting here waiting for my turn in the shower (because if you ever share a one bedroom apartment with four 20-something girls the day before a wedding, you’ll learn that you’ll be dead before you’re ready), I can’t help but feel way too nostalgic.

I never understood why weddings were such a big deal before. I mean, most of my friends lived in sin long before donning white and walking down an overpriced aisle. Their weddings were an excuse to drop a paycheck, take a “vacation,” and try to forget that my credit score was plummeting with the help of their open bar.

Sure, I felt something at the events. I’d shed a tear at the vows because that’s what you’re supposed to do and I basically taught the course in Making Yourself Cry: 101. I’d glace at my date with “why the fuck isn’t that me” eyes and I’d awww over the bride and groom’s first dance, but none of it truly meant something to me. Most of them were people I met in college, would blackout with, and talked to occasionally in the years that followed. Friends? Sure. But people whose happiness I really, truly cared about? Eh.

So, naturally, coming into this wedding weekend, I figured I’d feel more of the same. Stressed, sure. Because as maid of honor, my list of pre-wedding things was second to the bride’s. But emotional? Nah, I’m good. These two have basically been married for years. Things weren’t going to change.

And then, well, and then I started writing my speech. You know, the one I put off for months and months and months and months? As I finally sat down to write it, I had to really think about everything. Which sounds weird because what had I been doing for the past eighteen months? But being wrapped up in planning the bachelorette party, coordinating outfits with bridesmaids, and buying a million and one plane tickets to be a part of the entire process, it didn’t really hit me *what* it was all about.

As I sat there, though, and recounted all of the times we had together, it slowly started to dawn on me. Here’s this person, this person who randomly decided to hang out with me our freshman year of high school. She’s the girl who lied to my parents the first time I was drunk (sorry, mom!) and she was the one who cursed out my shitty high school boyfriend when he cheated on me sophomore year. Then junior year. Thennnn senior year. She held my hand through all of it, even when I took these assholes back again and again and again.

She’s been a part of my entire growing up process. We’ve spent countless nights discussing boys, our dreams, and the hard things our families were facing. She’s spent more holidays at my house than anyone I have ever dated, and my relatives ask where she is the few times she’s been missing.

Family. She’s become family, it’s as simple as that. You know the best friends that you find once or twice in your lifetime? The friends that the word “friend” doesn’t even begin to describe?

That person, my person, is getting married tomorrow.

And I guess that hard part about all of this is realizing that everything is changing. Sure, it’s easy to think it’s not, but it’s starting to hit me in the face. Today is the last day she’ll have her last name (I mean, she’ll probably take her sweet ass time to go legally change it, but you know what I mean). This is the last day we’ll be two single girls. The last day we’ll both be on the same playing field. Both be in the same place in our lives.

And I am so fucking happy for her. I really am.

But, as with most big things in life, with happiness comes grief. Mourning. It’s not just me and her against the world anymore. There’s no reason to wonder if this guy is it, or if it’s going to be forever because they agreed. It’s happening. She’s found him. It’s over.

And as much as I was to put our relationship in a box, tape it up, and preserve it as it is right now, I know that’s not only impossible but also selfish. What makes life so special is that nothing stays the same. And as much as I hate change, I know that it’s necessary.

Because just like everything else, we’ve outgrown this phase. We went from awkward 14-year-olds who had barely been kissed to our proms where he had serious boyfriend’s draped over our arms. We found our favorite alcohols together, found our least favorite hangovers together, and learned that some things are just not worth the free shot (basically anything involving dancing on a raised surface). We graduated from Moscato to boxed wine to Pinot Grigio, just like we graduated from high school to college to our first jobs together. We broke hearts, we had our hearts broken, but through it all, we’ve been there for each other.

So, instead of rambling on and crying to myself (because I need to save some tears for later), I guess the point is, change is fucking hard — no matter how good of a change it is. And even though my best friend is legally getting a new person tomorrow, there’s one thing I know — I’ll always be honored to stand by her side. Not just tomorrow, but forever.

That is, of course, assuming she still wants to be my friend after I give my roast tomorrow. Wait, did I say roast? Totally meant toast. Same thing, right? .

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Rachel Varina

if it doesn't have snack or seats, i'm not there. hate mail/Sunny references can be sent to itsrachelvarina@gmail.com

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