Starting A New Job Is Just Like Your First Day At A New School

======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====

As I walked down the unfamiliar halls, I was suddenly thrust back over a decade. We’ve all had the experience, at some point or another, of entering a brand new school full of unfamiliar faces. Even if you’ve been lucky enough to avoid the horror of transferring mid-year, whether it be going to junior high or high school, at some point we’ve all been that scared awkward kid holding a map, trying to figure out where homeroom is. That’s where I was on Monday, entering into a brand new job after some needed time off and much anticipation. It was a weird, yet familiar experience, and unfortunately having lived through it once before had prepared me no better this time around.

Everyone congratulates you for your first job after graduation, but no one ever talks about how your first job is likely not your last. Whether you flame out gloriously, quit in a fit of rage, or just start letting your work dip below the bare minimum of mediocrity that’s been expected of you, at some point you will change jobs. In doing so, you will leave behind all the familiarity of your former office, and the work friendships you’ve forged will immediately evaporate (but you’ll totally stay in touch and maybe visit over the summer!). You’re bound for the unknown, hoping you’ll be one of the popular kids this time, and the teachers won’t be too harsh when you forget your homework.

When you first arrive, some authority figure like a guidance counselor or HR rep (the adult equivalent), takes it upon themselves to orient you to your surroundings. But instead of being shown to your locker, homeroom, and the gym, you’re escorted to your desk, the break room, and…well the gym (what can I say, I’m #blessed). You’re introduced to all your coworkers, whose names you immediately forget. They try to be kind and make a good first impression, but to them, you’re a momentary distraction as they continue hacking away at their spreadsheets and try to psyche themselves up for the meeting in 10. Their lives and routines are already set, from their lunch orders to the inter-office fantasy football league. You are an intruder walking into an already-established food chain. The cliques, the hierarchy, it’s all in place long before you got there. You’ll be an outsider, shunned until you manage to prove your worth with some good work on a project or an embarrassing anecdote from your last Bumble date.

In an attempt to make the transition easier, corporate might stick you with a group of fellow newbies, much in the same way that the over-eager guidance counselor would try to force new kids to be friends with other new kids. The problem, of course, is that you are all not coming into this company to the same department. Thus, these new relationships you forge on day one will evaporate by the second week. By your third month there, you’ll vaguely recognize that person next to you in the elevator from those two days in Conference Room D. Hopefully, by that point you’ll have at least befriended some of the people you interact with. Or accepted your life as the office hermit.

Of course, it’s not all bad. Your first day is all about getting to check out the new digs and your shiny new toys. You’ll marvel at the break room and the free soda machine on the 7th floor, and discover the blind spots where your boss won’t be able to see your screen. You’re also likely excited by the work and the opportunity to start fresh without all the baggage of your old office, whether it be the time you got too drunk at an office party, a failed inter-office relationship, or getting caught watching March Madness while on a client call.

And, obviously, the biggest and most exciting new change is scoping out the new talent. From the moment HR says that office relationships are fine so long as they’re not inter-department, your pupils will turn into hearts faster than Pepe LePew. Of course, the popular, established girls at the office are already taken, just like the cheerleaders at your new school. The only difference is that when you try to cuck the douchey jock to win the fair maiden’s heart they have a different term for it than they did back in sophomore year: an affair. Still, it’s nice to have an instant in with hundreds of new, cute girls who don’t know that you once threw up from drinking too much orange soda in the cafeteria. Despite the temptation, you know in your heart that, at best, you’ll end up making out with the homely office manager after drinking too much bourbon at the Christmas party. It’s for the best though. Office romances never work out well, no matter what those montages of Jim and Pam would have you believe.

Ultimately, a new job is exciting in the same way that starting at a new school gives you a chance to forge a new identity. Despite all the fears you have, you can walk into a new job knowing that all the bullies, the mean girls, the overly competitive nerds you hated are left behind. Here, you can be the uber-jock you’ve always wanted to be, the cool rebel who plays by no one’s rules, or the straight edge model employee. Play your cards right on those first few days, you can end up with a great group of friends that will get you through years of awkward meetings and happy hours. Choose poorly, and you’ll spend your days eating lunch in the break room with that kid who ate paste and grew up to microwave fish at the office. .

23

Respond

Email this to a friend

Hey, I saw this on Post Grad Problems. Check it out.

Josh T.

Don't call me a liar, but you don't have to call me a truther.

• @joshetyler
• @joshetyler