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Jon Hamm’s face was the first thing I woke up to after attempting to watch the critically acclaimed Mad Men this past summer. His character, Don Draper, is a fixture in pop culture after an impressive seven-year run that saw Hamm’s character really find himself.
I didn’t see it, of course, because Mad Men is a slow-burning, sorry excuse for a television show that was made for napping, but I’ve heard about it. I sat down with Don Draper this past weekend to discuss the show that catapulted him onto the A-list and to talk about cold cuts. Here’s what he had to say.
On his penis:
JD: Who would you say is your biggest influence?
JH: Definitely my dick. When I need inspiration for a character or a commercial that I’m starring in, I’ll unzip my fly and just sort of stare my flaccid penis for a few hours. We’ll talk. We’ll sit together in silence and just observe our surroundings, whether it’s on a park bench, in my living room, or in a crowded coffee shop. People get a little uptight when I bring Mr. Draper out in public but I’m an artist, okay? This is preparation for work, and no number of indecent exposure charges is going to deter me from letting him out of his cage.
JD: Sorry, could you elaborate a little bit. Who is “Mr. Draper”?
JH: My penis.
On wearing sweatpants to The Oscars last year:
JD: Didn’t you think wearing sweatpants to The Oscars was a bit of a slap in the face to the Academy?
JH: No. Not at all. That was actually Mr. Draper’s idea. We had Oscar De La Renta design the sweatpants and I think they really showed the world who Mr. Draper was as a person.
JD: Your penis isn’t a person. It’s a sexual organ.
JH: If you’re going to continue to disparage Mr. Draper’s name, I’ll end this interview and leave right now.
JD: …we’re at your house, Jon.
JH: This isn’t my house. It’s-
JD: Wait. Let me guess. It’s Mr. Draper’s house isn’t it?
JH: Yes. Care for a sandwich?
On deli meats:
[At this point in the interview, Jon Hamm has gotten up from his seat in the living room. Dressed in only a kimono, he walks to a bar cart next to his television, where an array of cold cuts (turkey, ham, prosciutto) and cheese sit.]
JD: What would you say is your favorite deli meat, Jon?
JH: [Hamm is lathering his body in mayonnaise, groaning and motioning for me to join him.]
It was at this point that I left Jon Hamm’s home. Between his incessant, nonsensical banter about “Mr. Draper” and his ritualistic cold cut episode, I got weirded out. Stay tuned next when I interview Zach Braff from the W Hotel in New York City. .
Image via Youtube
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jduda@grandex.co
What the actual fuck?
What the fuck did I just read
Guys, Duda is interviewing me next Live from the handicapped stall in a ladies bathroom within a seedy has station off Route 66 where we will discuss my thoughts on the Noah’s Arc Story, climate change Deniers who believe in the Noah’s Arc story, and B-roll 7Up commercials from the 90’s
My main question is, “what happened in your day that led you to this point?”
im so wet
You good, Duda?
This is how you create content, people!
I am constantly amazed you get women to sleep with you. Fucking blows my mind.
Now this is some #FreshContent
I laughed at this more than I probably should have.