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The following are undoubtedly most important business events to ever occur, at least within the last week. So if you plan on ending the week with a bang bigger than anything North Korea could ever dream of, read the following and avoid sounding like a (completely) uninformed douchebag as you begin your weekend festivities.
Uber to IPO… eventually.
On Wednesday, newly appointed Uber CEO, Dara Khosrowshahi, announced that the company is expected to go public in the next 18 to 36 months. Khosrowshahi was brought on board to replace previous CEO, Travis Kalanick, who stepped down after pressure from the board of directors. During Kalanick’s leadership, there were several scandals involving harassment in the workplace as well as scandals revolving around his personally poor leadership. Turns out the phrase “women on demand” can be found offensive even under the anti-PC culture of our new administration. One of the most notorious instances of Kalanick’s poor leadership was the dash cam video of him yelling at an Uber driver back in February. Frankly, this announcement seems more premature than, well, you know.
Apple attempts to be reasonable with prices.
Apple, the brand notorious for putting massive premiums on an arguably inferior product to their competitors, is currently in negotiations to lower prices for 4k movies at an attempt to have a successful re-launch of Apple TV. These lower prices will be essential if they hope to claim a larger portion of the streaming device industry which is currently dominated, like all things, by Amazon. While their fight to lower these prices is completely in self interest, it is still great news for consumers. God knows that people with the pockets to buy a 4K TV can’t afford the extra $5 a 4K movie costs.
Your pot dealer is ripping you off.
The days of paying $15 a G for the good stuff are long gone. Marijuana production has gone sky high in the last two years and that large supply have forced prices down. The lower prices of weed have created a problem for dispensaries though as lower prices are significantly harming margins. However, if you’re the Bolder type; crashing on a friend’s couch, spending a third of your check on the devil’s lettuce and the rest on the lease to your Subie with that sick turbo, this is absolutely electric news.
Turns out you CAN get away with exaggerating by an inch.
Trump and many other small handed individuals were put into a dangerous place a few years back when the quick service restaurant Subway became involved in a class action lawsuit. The suit emerged after allegations that the sub shop was trying to push their often 11-inch sub as a sure thing 12 incher. However, rather than fighting the claims with the go to “I swear this has never happened before,” they settled for $500,000, setting a dangerous precedent for those who tend to round up. However, this week brings hope as an appeal court determined that the suit should be thrown out as variability in the subs is understandable and the only real winners were lawyers who stood to collect nearly the entire amount via fees. .
Respond
Is this a new series? If so I approve!
I have to say this, he hit my hands. Nobody has ever hit my hands. I’ve never heard of this one. Look at those hands. Are they small hands? And he referred to my hands if they’re small, something else must be small. I guarantee you there’s no problem. I guarantee you.
Spirit was there. Flawed execution.