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I don’t own a dog yet despite the fact that I really want one. The main reason why I haven’t pulled the trigger on buying a best friend is because, like a naive minor league ballplayer, I want to look back on my career and say I got it done without PEDs. I’m talking, of course, about picking up chicks. If I had a little cute flufffy dog that looked like a teddy bear? Game over. Fish in a barrel. Everyone who wants to touch my dog (and therefore touch me), line up to the left. *Entire room lines up to the left*
I mean, yes, I’ll get one eventually because even the greats (Bonds, Clemens, Rodriguez, Boston Max), want to see how far they can push their talents. So yeah, I’ll get my little cavapoo eventually. But I know that despite how much I love her, and despite how incredible she is at picking up girls so hot they’d melt your face Indiana Jones-style, she’s going to drain me of my money. Pets are expensive. Food, toys, first class plane ticket because she’ll be too pampered to fly in coach? I’m aware of all of this. And the vaccines. That shit will cost a TON. So with that in mind, I may take a page out of the Brooklyn hipster handbook and eschew all dog vaccinations when the time comes.
Per The New York Post:
These pet-owning hipsters refuse to give vaccines a shot.
Skeptical Brooklynites are joining the anti-vaccination movement — balking at inoculations for fear their pooch or puss may develop autism or other health problems.
“I had a client concerned about an autistic child who didn’t want to vaccinate the dog for the same reason,” Dr. Stephanie Liff of Pure Paws Veterinary Care in Clinton Hill told The Brooklyn Paper. “We’ve never diagnosed autism in a dog. I don’t think you could.”
Some claim vaccines can cause autism, but vets said that even if pets were susceptible to autism, their owners probably wouldn’t notice.
The increased skepticism about pet vaccines comes mostly from young hip residents who promote a more holistic lifestyle for their pets, vets told the paper.
“It’s actually much more common in the hipster-y areas,” Ford, the Boerum Hill vet, said. “I really don’t know what the reasoning is, they just feel that injecting chemicals into their pet is going to cause a problems.”
Added Dr. Amy Ford of the Veterinarian Wellness Center: “We do see a higher number of clients who don’t want to vaccinate their animals.”
Core vaccines for pooches include distemper, hepatitis, and rabies, which is required by law.
These hipsters make a strong case. I mean, everyone knows vaccines cause autism. Pretty certain that’s just accepted as fact at this point by #science. You know what’s grown exponentially in this country in the last hundred years? Vaccines. You know what else? Autism. Boom, science. Correlations like Pearson (that’s, uh, a stats joke). Coefficients like the pros do it.
So why wouldn’t it only be natural that this carries over to canines? And you think I want an autistic dog? For sure not. That’s not what I paid for. I don’t want a dog that has issues communicating with me. I don’t want a dog that lacks intuition and social cues. Outside of taking my pup to Vegas to count cards, I can’t see any use for an autistic dog so there’s no way you’ll catch me vaccinating my puppy. Not. a. chance.
[via The New York Post]
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Boston Max
Spending my retirement fund at Trader Joe's and trying to remember to check my mailbox semi-regularly
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@boston_maxg
Every time someone becomes a hipster, a puppy dies….probably because it was never vaccinated.
Goddammit people, get off your educated yet unintelligent high horse. Always looking for some special knowledge that makes you special is cool, but it’ll get your kids and your dogs contracting diseases that have basically been eradicated. Don’t call me when you’ve got an Ol’ Yeller situation and need someone to put down your dog, “naturally”.
I just enjoy the thought of these hipsters suffering after they contract something from their dogs. Also, fuck em because dogs are better than people and should be cared for
This. Stuff like this makes me ok with there being a nuclear holocaust that sanitizes the earth so that not even bacteria can live on it until the half life of the radiation has decreased and hopefully the next dominant species to evolve from the mildly radioactive primordial goo will manage to be less of a bunch of dumbasses.
This is very Nived.
Thanks for the compliment
Thinking vaccines can give dogs autism may be the only think that beats thinking leather isn’t made of animals in terms of pure stupidity.
Hipsters were bad enough when they were just pissing off the general population, but now they bring the health of helpless dogs into it?! Oh Hell No.
Today we want to talk about something serious: packs of stray dogs that control many hipsters in North America.
But on the real, hipsters, feral dogs aren’t cool. Neither is rabies.
I hope all these owners get bitten by their rabid pets
Also, as someone who seriously has a dog with some sort of mental problem, at least he doesn’t have heart worms or something shitty. Basically they’re saying “well my dog is super sick but at least I can take him out in public and not get laughed at cas he’s a little weird”. Sorry, this article just has me fired up because, like I said, dogs are better than humans.
Love the satire… but this still fires me up