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As the years have passed, it seems like more and more things from our childhoods have been vilified. The children of today will never know the carefree days of riding your bike without a suit of armor, drinking full-calorie Coke by the 2-liter, or taking a draw from a candy cigarette. But now, one of the most common denominators across all of our childhoods is under attack, and I for one will not stand for it.
According to The New York Daily News, something called The Coalition for Safer Food Processing & Packaging is lobbying the federal government to prohibit a chemical called phthalates from foods being distributed in the U.S. So what is this supposedly toxic chemical found in? Well, lab tests recently revealed that it’s in ten varieties of macaroni and cheese, including eight out of nine Kraft products – meaning that the blue box from your childhood (and your drunken 2 a.m. attempts to “cook”) are in danger. All because phthalates supposedly disrupt hormones, causing possible reproductive, thyroid and neurological issues. Whatever.
Now, there are some people that will assert that Velveeta shells and cheese is a superior product. Those bougie assholes and $2.50 cheesy pasta can go to hell, along with the folks at The Coalition for Safer Food Processing & Packaging; we are proud 98-cents-a-box people around here. Luckily for us, “Trump’s Food and Drug Administration has yet to act,” according to coalition member Peter Lehner. So instead, the group has taken to appealing to Kraft Heinz to remove the chemical, which actually isn’t intentionally added to foods; it’s a by-product from contact materials during preparation, processing, and packing. Chemicals added by accident totally don’t count, right?
There is cause for hope that the anti-blue box movement will not succeed: the folks at Kraft have yet to comment or make any changes to the products, despite the fact that, out of all the types of cheese tested, powdered mac and cheese products had the highest amount of phthalates. So thankfully, it hasn’t escalated to this point… yet. .
[via The New York Daily News]
Image via YouTube
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Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
@JennaLCrowley
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I’m Going To Lose This Weight: Defending Mac And Cheese
I resigned my office-job and now I am getting paid $63 hourly. How? I work over internet! My old work was making me miserable, so I was forced to try something different, two years after…I can say my life is changed-completely for the betterr! Check it out what i do….CILCK HERE FOR MORE INFO
If you think velvetta is better than spongebob shapes Mac and cheese, you’re not drunk enough.
Just me or do the Spongebob shapes taste better than the original noodles?
Literally everyone ever has said this.
Shells and cheese is way better.
Goddamit, I thought this was America! If we want to fuck over our hormones and possibly hasten our deaths by eating overly processed but delicious food, we should be able to do so!
Slightly off topic but I took the wife and kiddos out for breakfast the other day to this nice little diner that has a gift shop attached to it and I shit you not, they had candy cigarettes there. Hadn’t seen them in years. It was awesome.
This is a ploy from the elites to entice the poors to “get on their level” even though they will never “get on their level”. This also makes it easier for them to aggregate consumer complaints, store that in a database, segment you as an audience, and then ultimately kill you off since you’d be deemed useless to their agenda. It’s the dark side of marketing, guys lol
This is not the kind of news we need on a Friday afternoon. Luckily we have the Internet and social media to band together and fight this s*** before it’s too late. STAND UP PEOPLE. don’t let them take Mac n Cheese away from us like this.
Personally I’m all about the Annie’s Mac and Cheese. Best box of Mac and Cheese on shelves in my opinion. Mixing in some grilled chicken and some veggies to that stuff is heavenly.
I have to agree, but that’s a legit meal, not a 2am drunk snack.
Ugh yes the white cheddar is heaven
This is all BS anyway. Yes, Kraft mac-n-cheese contains this chemical, that yes, does mess with hormone production. But the food contains literal trace amounts of it, and if anyone needs a lesson in all of this, here it is: IT IS ALL ABOUT DOSAGE. Trace amounts = does not matter.
What about eating 13 boxes in one sitting? I ignore all serving size suggestions.
If it be a sin to covet honour,
I am the most offending soul alive.
No, faith, my cause, wish not a soul born around the 90s from these United States
God’s peace! I would not lose so great an honour
As one man more methinks would share from me
For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, hippie jackasses, through my host,
That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
Let him depart; his passport shall be made,
And bus pass for convoy put into his purse;
We would not die in that hippie’s company
That fears his drunk meal to die with us.
This day is call’d the feast of Kraft
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam’d,
And rouse him at the name of Kraft.
He that shall see this day, and live old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his drunk buddies,
And say “To-night we sup Saint Kraft.”
Then will he strip his midriff and show his stretch marks,
And say “These noodles I had on Kraft’s day.”
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he’ll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words—
Jenna of Crowley, Rico of Rum Running and that funny Dolphin guy—
Be in their flowing bowls freshly rememb’red.
This story shall the good folk teach their son;
And Kraft shall ne’er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be rememberèd-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers (and sisters);
For he to-day that sups on golden mac with me
Shall be my brother (or sister) be they ne’er so vile
Nerd.
I saluteth you, Karl. Once more unto the mac and cheese my friends
Serious Q, why do spirals cost more? I mean, spirals all day everyday but I’ve never understood the significant price increase (relative to KMC pricing that is)