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Wedding trends, man. I can hardly keep up.
First, we’ve got people doing live paintings at receptions. Then, we’ve got some some assholes paying upwards of five figs for ice sculptures. And now we’ve got something called the “earlymoon,” per Yahoo.
Earlymoons, which “gives [the bride and groom] a chance to de-stress and reconnect before tying the knot,” are quite possibly the most disgustingly privileged thing I’ve ever heard of, and I’ve heard of a lot of privileged shit.
One wedding planner said, “Earlymoons can be as simple as a staycation, driving to the beach, renting out a cabin, the point is to reconnect,” which leads to me to one very important question.
How rich are you people?
The average wedding cost is nearly $30,000 in 2017 and we’ve got couples dropping everything and spending money to go to Paris beforehand? Wow, not to sound like Jan in Accounting but “must be nice.” I mean, I know we’re not in a recession anymore but come on.
Just look at this couple who took one before their wedding:
“We were met with champagne and macaroons at the hotel [and] enjoyed some really nice dinners,” said Nick Hymer, 27, who took an earlymoon with his now-wife, Christina Hymer, also 27, to Paris before their wedding last year.
You’ve probably got Christina’s mom running around their local country club trying to sort out flower logistics while Nick and Christina are taking international flights and feeding each other macaroons like they’re the goddamn Royal Family. Call me old fashioned, but if I told my mom that I was going to Paris before a wedding, she’d hit me with an “Oh, no you’re not,” before telling me to lock it up.
Yahoo’s report also noted, “Seventy-one percent of engaged and newlywed couples said planning their wedding was more stressful than buying a home or finding a job.” No shit, Sherlock. But if you’re out there taking earlymoons, I’m pretty sure that buying a home and finding a job aren’t the most stressful things in the world. Pretty sure you’re flush with cash to begin with, so yeah, planning a luxurious 500-person party on your parents’ dime is probably a little more stressful than anything else.
What ever happened to just coping with stress with alcohol like Don Draper in the ’60s? Kids these days, I tell ya. .
[via Yahoo]
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
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Will, where are you and your girlfriend going to go for your earlymoon?
They broke up didn’t you see his last column
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I can’t even afford a real honeymoon. I know she’s gonna be pissed when we pull up to a Motel 6 but hey, we’re married, she can’t just leave me at that point.
It’s sad how that saying isn’t true anymore because she can, if fact, “just leave [you] at [any] point.”
in fact*
Isn’t that just called vacation?
Right? And why is taking a “staycation” before your wedding an “earlymoon”, isn’t that just called having a lazy/relaxing weekend?
Sherman, feel free to head back down to Savannah and finish the business. It’s really hood now.
Wait, isn’t an “Earlymoon” the entirety of your life before the moment you asked someone to hang out with you for life and get the government and the church involved in your sex life? That’s all life is folks, it’s sex. Sex created all of us and then sex died shortly after that
An “Earlymoon” to my Ex and I is simply us staring at our phones, not speaking to each other in a different place.
That sounds high key lovely
looks like nick doesn’t know the difference between macaroon and macaron.
Exactly. I am quite sure that in Paris he had the meringue based confection (macaron) not the coconut based macaroon. Damn trust fund idiot doesn’t even know how to ‘elite’ right.
and Macron (Emmanuel,)
As if combined bachelor & bachelorette parties weren’t bad enough? Really?
My ex-wife and I took an early moon to Myrtle Beach. Nice weekend.
TGDAG: Earlymoon
I hate people.