======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
1. “Please forward all of my calls to (immediate superior’s name).”
2. Park in guest parking. Who will say ‘boo?’
3. Shoot your shot with Laura in accounting.
4. Post your going away party itinerary in Slack/Basecamp.
5. “Claire in marketing? Totally hit that back in 2k13. Don’t tell anyone, though.”
6. Leave a pair of size 20 Starburys next to your desk, because they need to know…they’ve got big shoes to fill.
7. Out of office notification email set from 12-5 p.m. everyday.
8. “F–k you, f–k you, you’re cool, f–k you…”
9. Exit interview. Capital Grille.
10. Bring a plus-one to your exit interview.
11. Tell anyone who asks for anything that you’re “too swamped with the transition.”
12. Write “burn in hell” on your keycard.
13. Call the front desk everyday to make sure your town car will be there to pick you up on your last day.
14. Bequeath your filthy mousepad to an intern. “Take good care of it.”
15. Loudly ask about the company’s stock option program with your boss.
16. Start every sentence with “We’ve both been here long enough to know…”
17. Make sure everyone knows about your new company’s work-from-home policy.
18. Refer to the person who is filling your position as your “heir.”
19. Send yourself roses on your second to last day.
20. “Peace out, warehouse. Catch you on the flippity flip.”
21. No-show on your last day. You’re outty 5000. They can have the cake. .
Image via YouTube
Respond
Brian McGannon
What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.
@BrianMcGannon
@brianmcgannon
brianmcgannon
No desk beers?
Maybe a couple nose beers with Claire in marketing later
**off of Claire later.
Desk nose beers off Claire? She’s be down
I regularly fantasize about putting my two weeks in and never seeing anyone here, ever again.
Don’t we all?
I didn’t get any cake or recognition on my last day.
I couldn’t sleep last night because I got too cranked out on cold brew and I’m concerned that I’ll take this list as a challenge today.
Implementing “cranked out” into more than just jerking-it convos from now on
Put your 2 hours notice and then go take a 47 minute shit in the handicapped stall. Worrying about burning bridges is so overrated in 2017 plus you already know how to swim so these invisible bridges that people speak of are irrelevant. If you don’t know how to swim…well, you probably came from a family that didn’t love you so maybe grow up or something idk lol
Brian loved power mov… wait what?!?!
Start casually throwing out wildly inappropriate comments about every picture of a coworkers’ wife or daughter
*Aggressive finger point* “Would hit that like Sonny Bono on a ski slope.”
There is a special kind of endorphin release when you get the new job offer and put in the two weeks at the old gig. Especially if you were worth anything at the old job.
Did #3 with the girl at the suite across the hall like two months ago (I’m quitting in three weeks). Got shot down so hard it wasn’t even funny. This was the most stone cold rejection I ever received
Elaborate?
This makes me miss Gil
Say no more fam https://pgparchive.wpengine.com/diary-of-a-middle-management-sellout-checking-in/