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In my mind, New Year’s Eve is easily the most overrated drinking day of the entire year. Everywhere is packed, it takes forever to get a drink from the bar, and everyone in your group is usually a hot mess before 11pm. Everyone’s expectations for the night are way out of the realm of reality and the night is usually ruined before midnight.
Expectation: You and your friends will arrive in style to the party, making a grand entrance.
Reality: You and your friends will pile eight-deep into a cab and stumble out onto the curb in plain view of the entire line in front of the venue.
Expectation: You’ll be popping bottles all night in your new suit/dress.
Reality: Some asshole will be spilling champagne all over your new suit/dress.
Expectation: You’ll fall in love and have the perfect midnight kiss, leading to a romantic after-hours rendezvous.
Reality: You’ll drunkenly make out with the first person you can find after midnight, leading to a trip to Walgreen’s for Plan B in the morning.
Expectation: A champagne toast at midnight.
Reality: Half of the bar will have a champagne toast at midnight.
Expectation: 2013 will be your year, when you really hit your stride.
Reality: You’ll still hate your job on January 2nd.
Expectation: All you can eat appetizers all night.
Reality: The appetizers will be gone by 8 o’clock.
Expectation: Open bar with top shelf liquor.
Reality: 45 minutes to get anything besides beer.
Expectation: “Exclusive countdown and ball drop at midnight!”
Reality: “Our DJ will screw up the countdown!”
Expectation: “It’s the biggest party of the year!”
Reality: “It’s the biggest shitshow of the year!”
Expectation: You’ll end the night with your arms around your friends reminiscing about how great the year was.
Reality: You’ll get a DWI.
Expectation: You’ll finally propose.
Reality: Your girlfriend will be too drunk.
Expectation: “Full VIP experience!”
Reality: “Stand in line for 45 minutes in the freezing cold and then we’ll lose your topcoat in our insanely unorganized coat check!”
Expectation: “End 2012 and start 2013 in a big way!”
Reality: “End 2012 by breaking up fights and start 2013 with a soul-crushing hangover!”
Expectation: “Your favorite bar is where you’d love to ring in the new year.”
Reality: “Your favorite bar is going to be overrun with hordes of drunken adult-children.”
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TheChampionsTour
TheChampionsTour (@ChampsTourTFM) is a contributing writer for Post Grad Problems, Rowdy Gentleman, and Total Frat Move .
@TheChampsTour