======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
Fresh off of graduation from BC it was time to move back home, naturally. I had a job lined up in New York City (where I currently work) and planned to commute from home for a bit to save some money. Well, the first night back didn’t go over so smoothly.
Let’s set the stage. When I got home I essentially just dropped all my boxes in the hallway of our garage door entrance. When my parents asked if I wanted to go to dinner I told them I couldn’t because I had plans to go out with my friend, Gabe. They were less than thrilled that their house was acting as a storage facility AND the fact that I was planning to hang out with my friend Gabe- they despise Gabe. No way to treat your parents, but I was young and naïve a year ago. Now? Infinitely more mature.
A fifth of New Amsterdam later and I find myself in a cab to this bar where we proceeded to drink rum and cokes and dance through the night. Blacked out and woke up in my bed thinking the night had went on without a hitch. Welp, that lasted about 4 seconds from when I opened my eyes.
“Who the FUCK are you?!” echoed through the house from our family living room. If you guessed it was my mom that was so curious, you’re very right. I sprinted down the stairs to a scene that was less than ideal. In the living room sat my mom and younger brother watching Netflix and next to them stood a rather attractive young (?) woman dressed in clubby/going out attire. And then there was me; bloodshot eyes, reeking of booze and cigarettes with my hands on my knees in just underwear.
“Joseph, do you know who this young lady is?” I looked directly at my mother, then the girl, then my mother and had to tell the truth. “Honestly, Mom, I don’t- I have never seen her in my life.” Which drew a swift, “Are you fucking kidding me?” I responded the only way I knew how, apologizing repeatedly to my mother while carrying on a conversation as if this woman wasn’t standing in my house.
After said apologies were complete, my mother kicked me out of the house, told me to get the girl a cab home and then leave for the day.
We’re sitting outside waiting for her cab and she asked me if I remembered anything from the night prior. I had to admit I did not and I asked her name, it was May. She was quite nice for someone must have felt so embarrassed. She proceeded to tell me that I said I OWNED a home in Westchester where I was from and the family that lived there prior was in the process of moving out so I had to live in the basement. What the fuck was I thinking?
It gets better, she tells me that she was skeptical at first (then why come all the way from NYC to my place) but she knew that I was lying when we walked in through my front door to be greeted by the obnoxious portrait of me and my two younger brothers. God, I’m smooth. So, I sent May on her merry way and went over to my friend’s house for the day.
I had to beg my mom and brother not to tell my dad because I think he would have kicked my ass if he found out. Thank god my mom is real as fuck and didn’t snitch. She forever holds this over my head and I do not blame her.
I now live in a one bedroom apartment flexed into a three bedroom.
Mom, if you’re reading this, I love you. May, if you’re reading this, the dinner offer I sent around this time last year still stands..
Respond
“OWNED a home in Westchester” – Shooters shoot.
Doesn’t matter, had sex.
Wait does “a one bedroom apartment flexed into a three bedroom” mean you live in a one bedroom place with three people? If so what the hell man!
Now you’re in Newwww Yorkkkkkkkk
concrete jungle, wet dream tomato
There’s nothing you can’t dooo except rent a normal apartmentttt
I don’t understand how people live there.
that sounds horrible! does someone sleep in the living area where the couch is or something?
Yeah, please write an article about this because I wanna know how this works.
Imagine rooms split by curtains, which act as walls. Now imagine nothing but a place to hang your clothes and a twin size bed. This is where many people dwell.
But don’t worry, they’re in a bourgie neighborhood. They just sleep like peasants. Avocado and toast with a side of slum-like dwelling.
That’s even beyond “two bedroom” being “one bedroom, and then another room without windows that you can probably fit a bed in” that I’m used to.
I see this a lot in high cost areas on the west coast. Basically they turn the living room into a bed room, or split rooms (two beds to a room like a dorm room). People will hang up sheets, or put a rice paper screen in the living room, put their mattress on the floor, and that’s now a “room”. So two bedroom apartment now has four people living there. Two bedroom apartment with a living room now may have 3.
Some four or five bedroom houses may now house 10 people. All rooms are double, possibly the master being a triple. Its pretty common. Maybe not the 10+ people, but definitely three or four people to a two room apartment. I’ve heard stories of tech interns and new hires in Silicon Valley doing two bunk beds in a one bed room apartment, aka four dudes to a one bed.
Yeah again I ask the question, why the hell would you live there?
Yikes, sharing a room with anyone other than a SO is a no go. I’ve gotten to live in some great cities with accommodation paid for by my company, without it you can’t live there unless you’re rich. That said, for NYC I would consider those conditions on a temp basis.
Currently living at home, and and I feel this struggle on too many levels.
Mom is a bro.
“I now live in a one bedroom apartment flexed into a three bedroom.” Same.