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It’s hard to believe, but this is my third year telling you how a disinterested girl fills out a March Madness bracket. And yet, no matter how many times I tell you that I am not a disinterested girl, you don’t seem to believe me. Now, let’s be clear: there are a lot of things that don’t interest me in the slightest, such as soccer, Game of Thrones, and most things having to do with politics, but college basketball does not fall into this category. All three of my degrees (#humblebrag) are from “basketball schools,” so the fervor that many of you have for college football manifests itself in March Madness for me.
That being said, I still have a bunch of girlfriends that are totally clueless when it comes to the sport, and ask me for advice on how to fill out their brackets. Given that I don’t have hours upon hours to explain the intricacies of the sport to them, I usually give them some other ways to make their bracket decisions.
Eliminate the Schools From The Same State. Look at it this way – if you have more than one basketball powerhouse in your state, your talent is getting split. Which means you’ve got to ditch all of the schools in Tennessee (E. Tennessee State, Middle Tennessee State, Vanderbilt), Florida (Florida, Florida State, Florida Gulf Coast, Miami (FL), Jacksonville State), Kentucky (Kentucky, N. Kentucky, Louisville), Virginia (Virginia, VCU, Virginia Tech, West Virginia), Kansas (Kansas, Kansas State, Wichita State), and North Carolina (Wake Forest, North Carolina, UNC-Wilmington, NC Central, Duke). Better to stick with the likes of North Dakota, South Dakota State, New Mexico and Vermont, where they are the only game in town.
Except for Texas. On the flip side, if everything is bigger in Texas, that should mean they are pretty good at basketball, I think. That’s how this works, right? So it seems like SMU, Baylor, and Texas Southern are good picks.
Religious Schools – Out. Listen, college sports is a competitive arena. While I am a product of a quality Jesuit education, all that values crap that is imparted onto those students means they simply aren’t going to be cutthroat enough to get it done. So sorry Providence, Marquette, Mt. St. Mary’s, Notre Dame, Xavier, St. Mary’s (CA), Seton Hall, Creighton, and yes, even my beloved Gonzaga. You just don’t have the edge needed.
Go With The Never-Heard-of-Yous. Do you know anyone that goes to Winthrop, Iona, Troy, Dayton or Kent State? No, because no one actually does go there…except for basketball players, apparently. I like the sole focus on recruiting here.
Good Stories = Good Team Rhode Island is back for the first time since Lamar Odom (yes, that Lamar Odom) took them there in 1999. Northwestern is there for the first time ever. These two are sure-fire picks because the teams with the best background stories always hang around for a while.
Use The “Popular Picks” AutoFill. The top seeds autofill is a sure way to lose, in my opinion. When was the last time the final four was all number one seeds? 2008 actually, but that was the only time since 1979, so the odds on that are pretty fucking low. The “popular picks” is a much better option because it allows you to leverage the knowledge of all of the people who actually did bracket research without having to do any yourself. And what’s better for the disinterested girl than that?
Oh, and in case you are interested, here are my 2017 brackets:
Happy picking. .
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Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
@JennaLCrowley
@donttakeitfromus
Gonzaga, lol
FUCK KU
An ISU vs KU sweet 16 game in Kansas City will be a blood bath. Energy in the Sprint Center would be near national championship levels
I can’t “Nice Work” this comment enough. Go ‘Clones!
Nice to see some fellow state supporters on here. After what I saw in KC last weekend, if ISU makes the Sweet 16, Sprint Center will turn into Hilton South once again. FU KU
Worst cheer in sport. “Rock, Chalk, Jayhawk”? WTF?
Don’t even get me started with that or their “waving the wheat”
wow someone is full of hate this afternoon.
Teddy Roosevelt says otherwise
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rock_Chalk,_Jayhawk
ayyyy my dude! came down here to say that
Couldn’t agree more
Who hurt you?
Big 12 Refs. Don’t even try to sympathize, you’ve got no clue
Fun statistic: KSU has a larger foul advantage than KU does on the season.
Were being hated on immensely
You wildkitties are REALLY good at saying that and losing to KU simultaneously, it’s like clock work. Congrats on getting in this year!
Thank you I’m also happy we got in this year.
Soooooo .. West Virginia is a different state than Virginia. It’s much drunker. And better at basketball.
Buzz Williams disagrees with you:
You honestly think UNC is going to get by Texas Southern??
Missed Indiana having multiple teams get in (Purdue, Notre Dame, and Butler). It’s all good though, you can put your rent money on Purdue going to the Final Four.
Why would you burn that amount of cash?
Knowing tons of people that went to the “Never-Heard-of-Yous” PGP
Please tell me where Iona is?
I got you: http://bfy.tw/Ad3s
Westchester
Basically New York City. Knew a kid that transferred from there.
Just reluctantly filled out my bracket (despite watching zero basketball this year) and shot off Venmo payments (that I know I’ll never see again).
I’ve got another pool for you to join in that case. $1000 an entry.
Gonzaga is gonna be a tournament bust as usual.
Smart money says pick AZ, KS, UNC/UCLA, and Duke/Nova for your final 4
Sweet 16: East – Nova, Virginia, SMU, Duke. Midwest – Kanas, Iowa St, Oregon, Michigan. West – Zaga, ND, FSU, Zona. South – UNC, MTSU, UCLA, UK.
Elite 8: Nova & Duke. Kansas & Michigan. Gonzaga & Arizona. UNC and UK.
Final 4: Duke, Kansas, Arizona & UNC.
Champ: Kansas over Arizona.
It was heartbreaking picking UNC over my Bruins in the Elite 8, but there’s no way we make the Final Four with that shitty defense and shitty coaching.
Please prove me wrong.
That and the inevitable Duke-Nova matchup were the two hardest decisions of my bracket. Ended up going with UCLA mostly because one of my best friends went there
That’s an easy pick, Nova all the way. Everyone is ignoring Duke’s mediocre regular season just because they won the ACC tourney and Grayson Allen is a little bitch.
by mediocre you mean they didnt have their head coach for a month, half the team was hurt/learning new role, and are just now a whole team? i hate duke, but you can’t hold the regular season against them when they are just now hitting mid season form.
My allegiances are to the Bruins and Duke so I couldn’t in good conscious put UCLA losing to UNC in the Elite 8. I’m sure I”l regret that pick.