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We’re all about the #GrowthMindset at my company. It’s kind of a mantra that my team has adopted, since we’re a bunch of trainers who focus on onboarding new-hires and — as of 2017 — continuous professional training and development. I drank the Kool-Aid on it at the beginning of last month and have been pushing myself for success ever since.
Every week, I try to regroup, reflect, and try to point out areas of improvement. Last week I took a step forward, which was huge. I was proactive, took initiative, but ultimately felt overwhelmed. This week, I took three steps back.
In fairness, it wasn’t just me. My whole team has been disjointed this week. We have three training classes going on right now and two coming up next week. Our plate’s full. We’re stretched thin. We’re stressed. Our coffee machine broke for a day. And when we get put into positions like these, I find it best to try and lighten the mood as best as I can. Unfortunately, that makes me look “unprofessional” and “disruptive” and “like all I do is fuck around and distract people.” Fuck you too, Steve. Not my fault I know how to have a good time.
In fairness, here are some of the things he was referencing.
Walked around the office making the same dad joke for 20 minutes.
“Hey Terry, what do you call an alligator that solves crimes? An investigator!”
Got wine drunk and talked on the phone with my ex two nights in a row.
Anytime someone comes back into your life after a year and a half with absolutely no communication will fuck you up in one way or another. Whether you’re elated or furious, it’s going to distract you. For a minute, I really thought there was a shot that we might get back together in the long run.
We won’t be. I’m not going to get into why, but I’ll tell you it’s not because of anything anyone said in the comments section (yeah, I read those). I said some things that were mean, she got rightfully upset, and thus the chapter of my love life called “Charlie and Kelly” came to a final close.
That happened on a Tuesday, and I spent Wednesday sitting at my desk, staring at half full project plans, listening to Deja Entendu, and honestly wondering how I had become the person I am today. Needless to say, I got very little done.
Told my audience that the only reason I was giving them a presentation was to cover our ass.
I think transparency is good. If you’re straight with me, I’m much more likely to trust and respect you. Shit, I’ll probably begrudgingly do whatever it is that you’re trying to get me to do.
On Monday, I learned that too much transparency in the wrong setting is a horrible fucking idea. As my audience gathered in our conference room and I started my presentation, someone raised their hand and asked why it was they were in the meeting. As a knee jerk reaction, I basically told the room that the only reason they were getting trained on something they already do is so that we could have it on paper that they were trained in it.
In that moment, I lost the enthusiasm of the entire audience. Nobody wanted to participate since everyone knew that the whole presentation was being done as a formality. It was like pulling teeth. Never again.
Finally, this interaction:
4:00 p.m., in front of a new-hire class.
Riley: Hey Charlie…
Me: Yeah?
Riley: Why do you have “Square Dancing?” written and circled on the white board?
Me: Makes animated gesture towards the new-hire class. Oh…oh shit, you didn’t tell them?
Riley: Tell them what?
Me: Winks, knowing that it literally means nothing. Exactly.
I start walking toward the door, out of the conference room.
Me: Hey Riley…
Riley: What, Charlie?
Me: What do you call an alligator that solves crimes?
One of these days I’ll get it right. I might just call the whole month of February a wash, though, because I have a birthday this weekend and a week long trip to Phoenix the week after. After that, who knows? .
Respond
Charlie
Using sarcasm as a defense mechanism since 1993. At any given moment I'm either tired, drunk, or stressed out. Get at me at charliepgp@gmail.com or whatever.
@therescharlie
@herescharlie
herescharlie
I swear, Charlie, if you get back together with your ex.
Seriously. You’re better off with Stacy.
Sup?
Sup to you too 😉
Not gonna happen, trust me.
famous last words before hookin’ up with your ex
You better not we don’t want to have this discussion with you again.
That situation could get a bit un-wool-y
I spent three hours yesterday planning out what I would do if I ever won the lottery; like how I would hide my identity and what I would invest the cash in. I’ve never even played the lottery one.
This is my argument on why buying a lottery ticket (I’ve done it twice in my life) is worth it. You get to think about all the stuff you could do with it which is probably more enjoyment than I would get from a beer at the bar I would otherwise spend that fiver on.
It was a lot of fun, I look at really expensive apartments for a while which was cool
That’s a weekly thought process.
I’ve played this idea out in my head several times:
1) Per 538, “James Smith” is the “most likely name” an American male would have so therefore I would change my name to James Smith (https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/whats-the-most-common-name-in-america/)
2) I would hire a prominent lawyer that represents high-net worth individuals and he would be my mouthpiece to the media. Lucky for me, the main lawyer for the Tiger Woods/Elin Nordegren divorce works in my hometown.
3) I would pick up the check dressed up in a full mascot costume. My lawyer would answer all my questions for me. If a reporter attempts to ask me a questions, I would go full Marshawn Lynch on them.
4) Vegas trip with the boys. Give enough to my parents for them to retire. Donate to my favorite charity (I had a friend pass away when I was 18, her parents set up a scholarship fund for her), travel the world…I would then move somewhere warm, buy a condo and nice but nondescript car. I would invest the majority of the money in vanguard mutual funds and live on 200-250k/year.
….yeah I have too much free time on my hands.
You lost me with Vegas trip with the boys if I will 10+ million I’m running and never seeing anyone I know for the 2-3 years(other than my parents). While I firmly believe my friends would never ask me for money, since they are stubborn assholes, I just can’t run the risk of having to turn them down when they want a hand out.
Also setting up a trust with 20% of the winnings to pay for school/student loan debt, part of a first home, part of a wedding for everyone of my grandparents descendents. So that no one in the family can bitch at me for not helping out.
I get that. At the same you want to have at least a weekend of going balls deep just to get it out your system…and who the fuck want to go to Vegas by herself?
*yourslef
*yourself
That’s my biggest issue with winning millions of dollars is I would have to go into hiding and get all new friends. I decided yesterday that I think I would be much happier winning 10 to 15k that way all I could really do with it is pay off all my debt and with thousands or so left just throw it in savings. Noone expects charity from a guy who won so little.
Granted this is all under the assumption that I can’t get the money anonymously. If I can then I will just treat my friends to small things like concert tickets or sweet ass hotel rooms and claim I got them for free for some reason.
Ideally you would want to be able to accept the money through an LLC and have your lawyer accept the money on your behalf. Unfortunately (as far as I’ve heard), I live in Virginia and the lottery laws prohibit anonymous claims so I would have to change my name/accept the money in costume.
Even if you change your name, of you all of a sudden take your friends out on a entourage style Vegas trip they are going to k ow what’s up. Better to wait a year and then suddenly from some “random family member” get balling awesome tickets to the NCAA championship game.
Oh that’s where we differ- I would definitely tell my closest friends that I won. I think I would be a difficult thing for me to keep to myself. Also my three closest friends are prop traders so they could potentially make me more money than they would request …I would actually allocate a small amount of my portfolio to them. I would use the SP500 as a benchmark and would give them 30% of alpha minus the return in the SP500.
Yeah this is were we differ, you see the good in people and I just see everyone, even my closest friends, as shit zippers. Well just have to see after we both win the lottery who is right.
I work in Wealth Management so I already know I’m calling a lawyer before I call my mom. Pay the appropriate taxes and start putting everything into trusts.
Half of what makes a dad joke is repeating it as many times as possible.
There’s no band better than Brand New for an angsty morning.
Came here to say this. Listened to all of Your Favorite Weapon, Deja Entendu, and The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me the other day at work
An underappreciated band for sure
I played XBox until midnight, now I’m too tired at work. I’m like a high schooler.
I thought “don’t” want pretty sound advice about your ex. I just don’t want to see you get hurt
I’ve lost a lot of good friends at the hands of their ex. DON’T DO IT CHARLIE!!!
I imagine old age finished off the rest of them.