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Every morning, we gather here to contemplate, plan, soak up inspiration, harvest motivation, and get jacked up on coffee and confidence for a day of kicking ass.
TIME TO MAKE TODAY BEG FOR MERCY. IT’S MONDAY, JANUARY 23, AND THERE’S NOTHING BUT POSSIBILITY ON THE HORIZON. CAN YOU FEEL IT? I CAN, DEEP DOWN IN MY LOINS, RISING LIKE A PHOENIX. THAT CAME OFF AS SEXUAL, BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU, IT IS NOT. IF ANYTHING, IT’S VIOLENT. VIOLENT AMBITION. SO POUR A CUP OF ENERGY AND PREPARE TO STACK PAPER.
“What the hell is going on right now?” you might be asking yourself. “Has Bolen lost his mind?” Maybe I have. But only those who are crazy enough to dream ever get rich and die happy. Pretty sure Michael Jordan or Michael Dell said that. Maybe Steve Jobs or Gandhi. Anyway, I’m going to tell you a little bit about what I’ve got going on today, and then it’ll be your time to shine.
I’ve got a couple meetings lined up before lunch. Going to crush those, no doubt. The key to meeting domination is making sure you talk more than anyone else. This lets people know not only that you are paying attention, but that you possess the means to communicate by making sounds with your vocal chords, which is key in business — unless you know sign language, then that shit is cool, too. Shout out to my mute brothers and sisters out there doing business hard. Also, if someone asks you a question and you don’t know the answer, just respond with as much positivity as you can possibly muster. People fucking love positivity. That’s another key to meeting domination.
“Oh absolutely, absolutely. One hundred percent correct. Yes is the answer.”
Nailed it. How could anyone that positive be wrong? It’s not possible. I’ll give you one more key to meeting domination for good measure. Bring a large notepad and regular-sized pen. It’s important that your notepad isn’t small. Only humans with small brains carry small notepads. You want everyone wondering how you could possibly have so many ideas that you need a notepad that huge. It doesn’t matter if there’s anything for you to take notes on, or if you’re even supposed to be in that particular meeting. On occasion, if I walk past the conference room and there’s a meeting about to get started, I’ll just walk in and sit down. Nobody will remember whether or not you were on the meeting invite. Next thing you know, you’re CEO.
What do you have going on this morning? What are you going to conquer today? Let us know in the comments section below. Positivity only. Build the energy. Come correct or don’t come at all..
“The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.” -Walt Disney
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Ross Bolen
Ross Bolen is a New York Times Bestselling author, co-host of the Oysters, Clams & Cockles: Game of Thrones podcast, co-host of the Back Door Cover sports podcast, 2017 Masters attendee, bigger and more loyal Rockets, Astros and Texans fan than you, cheese enchilada aficionado, and nap god.
@WRBolen
@WRBolen
WRBolen
GODDAMNIT THAT INTRO GOT ME HARD.
To bring it back down a notch, my day will be spent briefing my boss on information they already know in order to show that I actually give a shit about my guys and their equipment. I will then proceed to waste the rest of the day studying, because nothing beats spending four years cramming for tests so that you can don a uniform and promptly realize you don’t know shit.
Around the fourth coffee (that’s 9 am), I’ll probably get pulled aside and told that one of my guys did something dumb as fuck over the weekend. I’ll mull it over whilst relieving myself of the first three coffees (to be honest I just need them for digestive reasons, not the caffeine), at which point I’ll pull said person aside and insert boot into ass. Then it’s time for cup o’ joe number cinco.
Somewhere around 2 pm I’ll mentally clock out and drift around “supervising.” One more cup of steamy motivation will pull me back into the grind until it’s time to go home and punish my body with weights and my liver with alcohol.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
You are an inspiration to us all. Probably going to die in your early-50s, but an inspiration nonetheless.
CaffeineAndRageLog, time coffee cup 4: boss has pulled me aside. One fuckstick took it upon himself to present his Uber driver with Friday night’s dinner. Out the less pleasant orifice.
I hope my caffeine and nicotine intake kills me long before my occupation does.
I made the switch to cocaine and although it’s not as cost effective and could potentially kill me a lot sooner, I can rest knowing that I am creating a job for some guy or girl in the rainforest of South America in order to facilitate demand. I am also creating jobs in the private…I mean, cartel sector and also in the law enforcement sector here on the homeland. I usually dump 2 tablespoons of the stuff into my nitro brew coffee that’s made by some kid who’s mom and dad paid for a social studies degree from a prestigious university and then I just laugh internally to myself because nothing makes sense anymore and I’m just here to have a good time and stuff.
When you hit rock bottom and join NA and need a sponsor, holler.
Monday’s boutta catch some hands, and Bolen’s boutta catch a body
Caffeine is a hell of a drug
Guns and coffee don’t mix.
You must be doing it wrong
I’m upping my 401k by 2% and gonna run projections and fantasize on what I can buy when I’m old and retired.
A Monday well spent. Blessings to you and yours.
I’m liking this new caffeine fueled Ross. Look out Wickham, sounds like someone has plans for a coup.
It’s hard to take your boss’s job when your boss doesn’t have a boss, but I’m trying.
Watch your back Bill. I don’t take threats like this lightly.
Coups don’t often involve a trade in positions, Billy. You gotta take the big man out of the picture to sit on the throne.
Got another day of teaching the young adolescents of this great country so I’m pretty stoked for that
Teacher, huh? Drop a Vicodin in your coffee.
Lunch today has been cancelled due to lack of hustle, deal with it.
Back in the office lacking motivation to study for an exam my job depends on (yes that’s motivation enough but it doesn’t make it any less grueling.) I’ve been studying for exams since mid-October and I’m really just ready to have them over with and move on with my life and move out of my mother’s house into job training in St. Louis for 6 months.
Shitty thing is I work in a small 3 person office so whenever I go to use the Keurig I get mean mugged like I’m drinking an entire box of k-cups so I can’t really have more than 2 cups a day without looking like a savage.
Next time this happens, brew up that single serving, and stare your coworker down. DO NOT BREAK EYE CONTACT. As you are staring them down, proceed to chug that #HotSauce, regardless of the excruciating pain. Then simply turn around, make another cup, and walk back to your desk.
About to transition into another role at my company, and it’s a badass job. But I decided this morning that if they don’t get their shit together with this restructure, I’m straight up quitting on February 11 (Feb 10 has some financial significance). It’s the single scariest and most freeing thought I’ve had in quite some time.
FREE YOURSELF
It may be a Monday but it’s my birthday! That combined with this article will motivate me to own this day.
Margaritas in a Tumbler. ALL. DAY. LONG. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday I hope you’re not too hungover tomorrow.