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I’m sorry this is a little bit late today, everyone. Now I could feed you some BS excuse, but frankly, I had today off and I decided to sleep in. Plus, I saw Manchester By The Sea last night and I needed some time to recover. But now I’m up, watching an SVU marathon, and ready to bring you the five people who had a worse weekend than you. So let’s get to it, shall we?
Martin Shkreli
It’s pretty rare that someone makes back to back appearances in this column, but then again, there are few people as detestable as Martin Shkreli. Last week, everyone’s favorite pharm company owner got banned from Twitter for harassing a journalist; this week, he got hit with crap…literally, in the face.
Shkreli was at UC Davis on Friday night with the equally loveable Milo Yiannopoulos (who is also banned from Twitter) when a group started to protest outside the event. The event was ultimately canceled for safety reasons, but Shkreli decided to wade out into the crowd anyway, and found himself getting pelted in the face by dog feces, while a protester called predictably called him a “piece of shit.”
There’s so much I could say here, but honestly, poop to the face is statement enough. [via SF List]
Antonio Brown
Yes, the Steelers won on Sunday, but their all-star wide receiver Antonio Brown apparently doesn’t know that the locker room is like Vegas – what happens in the locker room stays in the locker room.
Brown decided to broadcast from the team’s locker room on Facebook Live on Sunday evening after their win… meaning that more than one million people were able to see the profanity-laden post-game speech from head coach Mike Tomlin. The post was deleted on Monday morning, but The New York Daily News caught an excrept,
When you get to this point in the journey, not a lot needs to be said. Let’s say very little moving forward. Let’s start our preparations. We spotted those a–holes a day and a half. They played yesterday. Our game got moved to tonight. We’re going to touch down (in Pittsburgh) at 4 o’clock in the f—ing morning. So be it. We’ll be ready for their a—-. But you ain’t gotta tell them we coming. Because some of us might not like the damn (inaudible). The chest pounding…. Keep a low profile. Let’s get ready to ball out…
Wait, did Mike Tomlin just call my beloved Patriots assholes? EXCUSE ME? At least Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger is approaching it with a little bit more class (words I literally never thought I’d say.) He was captured in the same video saying:
“It’s a lion’s den we’re going into this week. It’s a lion’s den. I’ve been there. A lot of us have been there. This isn’t going to be fun. Keep your mouth shut. … Let’s play Steeler football and be a Steeler all week.”
As for Brown, no word on if he will be punished by the team for the locker room live-steam, which is obviously a big no-no. No big deal if he isn’t…the Patriots will punish him enough on Sunday. [via New York Daily News]
Tom Crean
Much like Brown, the Indiana basketball coach also probably have had a good weekend after a win. His team beat the Rutgers’ Scarlet Knights 76-57 on Sunday afternoon, but thanks to the antics of his players, his win was overshadowed by a video of his going absolutely ballistic.
Crean was not happy when freshman point guard Devonte Green lobbed an alley-oop to junior forward Freddie McSwain Jr. at the final buzzer of the game. They weren’t able to convert it to a slam, but Crean was pissed as that he considered the move “disrespectful.” He freaked out at Green and also appeared the apologize to Rutgers coach Steve Pikiell, and of course, someone got the whole thing on tape.
I wouldn’t want to be Green at the Hoosiers’ practice today. [via Bleacher Report]
John Lewis
No, not the legendary Civil Rights activist turned Congressman who was backed up but almost everyone after president-elect Trump trolled him on Twitter over the weekend. Instead, the John Lewis having a bad weekend was another John Lewis, a computer science educator from Blacksburg, Virginia, who is getting hit with all kinds of crap due to the Rep. Lewis/Trump scuffle.
This John Lewis joined Twitter in November 2007 and took the simple handle @johnlewis, while the Congressman has the handle @repjohnlewis. People on Twitter don’t seem to get the difference and are constantly tweeting at “regular” John Lewis with things meant for the Georgia representative. A lot of the time, the tweets are positive, with this Lewis throwing the credit to where it is due:
But after the Trump/Lewis scuffle, it turned decidedly ugly, according to this John Lewis:
Sigh. Don’t you miss the days when Twitter was just full of cat memes? [via Mashable]
This Kansas City Fan
There are lots of sad football fans out there this Monday morning, namely those in Dallas, Houston, Seattle, and Kansas City. But one Tweet is revealing that the saddest fan is probably in that last city:
Sad. So sad.
Respond
Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
@JennaLCrowley
@donttakeitfromus
KC fan here. Kelce’s quote was pretty funny, though. It was a hold on the the 2 pt conversion, but telling a ref he doesn’t deserve to work at Foot Locker is a power move.
How about that fucking jacket he was wearing? Surprised he didn’t moonwalk out of the locker room.
Buddy of mine was buying rounds of drinks at the bar for everyone, wife got the credit card charge notification, called and told him she knows he’s buying girls drinks and she wants a divorce. I think he wins the bad weekend of the week award.
That seems extreme.
Is your buddy’s name “Todd?”
Wut?
Can confirm, large amounts of barbecue was dumped in Gulf of Mexico. Delicious slow-roasted ribs though
Dolphins are the only marine animal that kill for fun. And that’s just one fucked up attribute.
I have my eye on you… stay woke.
Low key almost positive a dolphin would beat a bear in a fight.
Not on land.
Fair enough, however I did escape captivity so as not to develop a taste for homicide like that jagoff orca from Blackfish so I’d ask you for the benefit of the and also to encourage your Japanese fans to stop turning my extended family into sushi.
*benefit of the doubt.
Sorry, typing without opposable thumbs can be a chore sometimes.
Possibly my favorite account in the comment section. Just keep swimming
I like Milo
He’s funny on the Joe Rogan podcast, even though his views are arguably shit.
go steelers
I don’t think you can field goal your way to a W against the Pats…
If the Pats play like they did against Houston, you won’t be seeing them in February.
I don’t disagree.
I hope Tom Brady is in next week’s column for getting flattened the way Matt Moore did by Bud Dupree. #GoSteelers
I don’t know if we can be friends.
He is having nightmares of Jadeveon Clowney still.
Picking a fight with a civil rights hero on MLK weekend? Bad form.
Antonio Brown is a dumbass. Love the talent though.
This can be said about many football players.
Go Falcons