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I turned 26 years old a few short days ago. Having been 25 for so long, I got acquainted with the expectations and norms associated with that particular age. This newfound age comes with new territory that I’m still navigating, but here’s what I’ve discovered so far.
I need a chiropractor.
Recent aches and pains in my lower back have finally led to me visiting a chiropractor for the first time in my life. I never knew things could have been as out of whack as they were until this 110-pound woman crushed, jerked, slammed, and otherwise forcefully manipulated my spine and neck for the better part of an hour.
“Yeah.”
“I bet you feel like you’re 18 or 19 again.”
*clever smirk and laugh*
This was an actual conversation that was not paraphrased for the sake of brevity.
A Health Savings Account is now justified.
In reference to the discovery listed above, I have now reached the conclusion that an HSA might be justified. In recent years, I have neglected setting one up because I have in large, neglected my health and foregone any and all doctors and dentist appointments. Lately, I’ve been trying to get back on track with this preventative healthcare shit. Between myself and my wife, coupled with an extremely high deductible for my health care plan, I am going to finally be setting up a Health Savings Account. In previous years, any money in this account would have gone untouched and I just didn’t want to go through the hassle of setting one up. In previous years, I was also an idiot.
People are no longer surprised if you’re married.
“Oh you’re married?! But you’re so young!”
“Yup.”
Age 26:
“Have you and your wife thought about kids?”
“Ha.”
Again, actual conversations – not paraphrased.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. So let me get this straight. For the first two years of my marriage, it was surprising to think of me as a married man. But now I’m one year older and it’s standard protocol to expect kids? I must have missed the memo on that one.
Once a week is enough.
I know, I know, “Congrats on the sex.” But coming from someone who has been in a relationship of one form or another for the better part of a decade, I’ve gotten rather accustomed to frequent extracurricular activities. At age 26, it’s no longer reasonable such a high volume of action. We are no longer a couple of bunnies going extra innings in a 7-game series anymore. Instead, it’s more of a weekly routine type deal. I get mine, she gets hers. Both parties are satisfied.
5:30 a.m. really isn’t that early.
If you think about it, it’s really only one hour earlier than 6:30 a.m. (#math) which is when most normal adults wake up. I’ve been routinely waking up at 5:30 for the past 5 months on account of work requiring a 6:30-6:30 schedule. This past weekend, even with the daylight savings change, I could not sleep in. I woke up at 4:30 a.m. like an absolute psycho. And I didn’t even go out hunting, which is a crime in and of itself.
I’m full blown addicted to coffee.
I’ve always taken pride in the fact that I limit myself to one cup of coffee a day – black, no sugar. Lately, that count has grown to a standard two cups a day. And I’ve noticed the onset of headaches when I don’t get my fix. What a terrible realization. How long till I’m one of those perpetually-filled cup animals in the office that should probably just have an IV full of java with them at all times?
I’m done with shots.
At my birthday dinner, I turned down a shot of tequila from one of my buddies. That’s right, I turned down free alcohol. Getting aggressive is saved for very special occasions nowadays. And I’ve always said this – beyond 21 years old, your birthday is not special. No one owes you anything, especially not alcohol. I’m trying to hold down this Mexican food and old Jose has never been the best advocate for retaining stomach contents. So yeah, I turned down a shot because frankly…
Birthdays are overrated.
You know what I did after my birthday dinner of a huge plate of enchiladas? Nothing. I had two margaritas and went to bed. The next day my wife and I drove up to my parent’s camp with very minimal cell service and no other company. Instead of late nights at the bars and crippling hangovers, I finished a book and was in bed before 10 o’clock both nights. And I wouldn’t have changed a thing.
My student loans should be half-paid off by now
Shit.
Respond
@207Cush
Student loans are supposed to be halfway paid off at 26 my ass
I turn 30 next month and I still owe the equivalent of a new Honda Civic with options. Half done at 26 would have been glorious for me.
I turn 30 next month and still owe more than a brand new BMW 3series. #PGP
I was holding out for the ol’ forgiveness act. Things aren’t looking up for me
Flex account to cover dental crown was probably the best financial decision I’ve made since switching to handles of gin over 750mL bottles.
Turned 26 last month. Spent it on a beach in Mexico drinking champagne. You’re just doing it wrong.
Was gonna say the exact same thing.
This got too real. I’m looking at 25 and I’m not even looking forward to that, let alone 26.
Also, congrats on the consistent sex.
It goes downhill at 33
That’s an oddly specific age.
HSA is clutch especially if you don’t go to the doctor that much to begin with. And once you reach the max, the extra starts getting invested. Health and wealth.
Why is tequila such a standard for birthday shots? I hate it. Two people got me (forced me to take) tequila shots with them on my 26th. Didn’t make it much longer after that.
I turn 26 on the 23rd of this month…these are too real.
I definitely agree about the coffee addiction and birthdays being overrated. Although this year for my birthday, the girlfriend is taking me to the Warriors/Spurs game so that should be fun. Add in being in bed by midnight and the aforementioned “once a week” and it’ll probably be the best way to turn 26 that I could’ve imagined.
Warriors/Lakers. No idea how I got to Warriors/Spurs.
27 next week, and I feel like I can no longer call myself mid twenties anymore, which is more depressing then I realized.
28 and 29 are way worse than 30. Sorry, but it’s true.
True story. I have less than 5 months til I’m 30. It’s scary.
I don’t want to hear you complain. At least you’re not sitting in a Social Justice class with a bunch of 18 year olds at a liberal arts school at 26.
Student loans probably suck though.
name checks out
I turn 26 tomorrow. Come ON, did you really have to do this?
Happy birthday though
Thank you!
I turn 26 on Thursday – this hits me pretty hard. Happy birthday!
I remember all of these realizations. When you turn 23 you realize you’re not special like everyone led you on to believe and 26 you realize you’re getting old, still don’t have your life together and will die someday. Yeah… happy birthday man!
On the bright side things do get better in your late 20s
What things might these be? Asking for a friend..
You have a better understanding of who you are and where you belong, what you need to be happy, what you look for in friends and significant others, etc. you become more confident and honest with yourself
Looks like weve got a real Sigmon Froyd over here
Rick, the worst is when you get to your late twenties and you find out that you don’t know any of those things. Scary stuff