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In the last ten years, technology has developed the capacity to do amazing things. SpaceX has privatized space travel and re-launched a shuttle, while we can now 3D print everything from replacement machine parts to new organs for transplant patients, but that’s not what I’m talking about here. The best technological advancements are the ones that have personally impacted our lives to make them even more glorious – and lazier – than ever. Not only are we working on self-driving cars, but we can order food, Amazon packages, and personal drivers without ever even needing to put on pants. With a smartphone and GPS capabilities, I can do everything I need without leaving my bed, and while my muscles are probably degenerating as we speak, my brain is filled with a flood of endorphins from only having to move the absolute most minimal amount.
However, our laziness has now ascended to new heights. Until now, we’ve been using these technologies to promote our laziness by avoiding chores. Now, we’re avoiding doing things that are actually fun. That’s right, we now literally can’t even bring ourselves to go out to eat. In lieu of actually spending time in a restaurant, savoring our cuisine and catching up with our friends, we’re getting Taco Bell delivered and drinking straight out of the wine bottle. A new study showed that of the half of all adults who’d ordered takeout in the last three months, 60 percent of them chose mobile ordering over a traditional restaurant experience to avoid going outside. 41 percent said they wanted to catch up on television, and 25 percent of people just didn’t want to be bothered by anyone. Seriously, when Red Lobster starts showing Grey’s Anatomy on Thursday, I’ll consider moving, but until then, I think I’ll stay here, sweatpants and all.
Guys, this is getting really sad. I mean, I get the convenience of not having to leave bed to eat food that isn’t ramen out of a styrofoam cup, but come on. These statistics are just plain sad. 60% of you order food online so you don’t even have to leave your apartment? No wonder we’re all so freaking miserable all the time. A little bit of sunshine never hurt anyone, and besides, the delivery fee for your order is going to be at least as much as your minimum tip in a restaurant. Grab the friend or coworker you hate the least and treat yourself to some fresh queso that won’t have to be reheated in the microwave. I know this seems strange, but you may actually enjoy it. And then when you get home, you can put on your sweatpants and tune into ABC Thursdays for a nice visit to Shondaland – that is, after you’ve fulfilled your social obligations for the week. .
[via Washington Post]
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Steph W.
Steph W. is a new Master's degree graduate with an intern's salary and six-figure taste. She realizes her expectations far exceed reality, so she spends her days pinning away Loubs she pretends are in her physical closet instead of her virtual one. Her hobbies include attempting to trapping her boyfriend into marriage before he finds out how insane she is and pretending that Black Box wine tastes as good as the kind she could afford when she was gainfully employed. Send her tips for getting out of student debt at recruitchairtsm@gmail.com
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Sooo…. Did anyone watch the game last night?
Schwarber is a beast
Worried about Indians, going into 3 games in Chicago with the series at 1-1 is pretty dicey.
They’ll make it back home but very likely be down 3-2.
Arrieta didn’t look great, but holding the Indians to no hits through 5 gives me serious hope for the Cubs ending it in Chicago.
So is today’s theme, shit on lazy millenials day?
What we all want to really know is what the top cities for shitting on millennials is though.
Obviously it’ll coincide with the top cities for drinking under bridges.
Ordering in allows me to avoid the shrieking urchins known as “children.” Laziness has nothing to do with it.
Taylor just told me in the last column to stop going out to eat and to grow up. I’m torn.
Oh no, no, no, big dawg. We can still go out to eat. We have to find happiness somewhere. Some of mine is found at Torchy’s Tacos.
phew.
I was always a big Taco Momma fan
Why would I go out for dinner and a movie if for half the cost I can order delivery via the actual restaurant or one of the billion delivery services and watch Netflix on my 55″ TV?
Oh yeah and not wear pants.
I feel ya homes, but I generally goto the store once a week and just make food at home. I can’t decide whether that’s more or less lazy than ordering out — especially when it only takes 5 minutes to dump some chips, cheese, and chile on a tray and then throw it in the oven.
I get that, but I’m a shit chef. There’s only so many nights I can take of my bland chicken and rice in a row. Ordering in a few nights a week is a good change of pace.
Yeah but that’s heated up cheese and chili on chips…not a real meal.
Asked my roommates if they wanted to go out to eat somewhere and they said why? we can get pizza delivered to us. Smh.
When did SpaceX re-fly a “shuttle”?