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After finding out that her Maid of Honor duties would be shared with Katie, the following conversation transpired.
Girl: Oh, so…like, we’re both your Maid of Honor?
Caroline: Yeah, I just couldn’t decide because I just love you both so much and I wanted you to both be right there with me on my special day.
Girl: Oh, yeah, I totally get it.
Caroline: You seem… I don’t know. You don’t seem that thrilled.
Girl: No! No. I’m totally thrilled. Like, I can’t wait.
Caroline: Well good!
Girl: It’s just like… will that work? Like, logistically. Idk, I’m just trying to run everything through my head.
Caroline: What do you mean? I feel like it would actually be, I dunno, easier with two people?
Girl: Oh, you’re so right there. Two heads are always better than one. I so get that.
Caroline: I literally could not agree more.
Girl: But, like, sometimes I wonder if there’s actually truth to that, you know? When I’m in charge of something, I like to be in charge of something. I just don’t want us to, like, have confusion surrounding who’s going to do what and who’s going to need to be where at what time and stuff. You know?
Caroline: I guess I’m a little confused?
Girl: Liiiiiike… who’s going to stand where during the ceremony? Are we supposed to do a Maid of Honor speech together or separate? Are your wedding photos going to have both of us in it or are we going to be separate? Stuff like that.
Caroline: …
Girl: I sound like such a bitch right now.
Caroline: Oh my God, stop! No, you don’t! *looks down at her placemat*
Girl: No no, I think it’ll be so great sharing this experience with her. I’m so sure she won’t get as drunk as she did at her sister’s wedding and everything will go fine.
Caroline: …
Girl: Oh, I forgot you weren’t invited to her sister’s wedding. It, like, wasn’t a big deal at all. I mean, if barely being able to stand during your speech isn’t a big deal to you… *fake sips a flute of champagne*
Caroline: Hahaha, oh, I saw the video. Trust me.
Girl: Yeah, like I said, not a big deal at all.
Caroline: …
Girl: Is there, like, anything you want me specifically to take care of? I mean, you’ve seen her apartment’s aesthetic.
Caroline: Her apartment? I’m confused.
Girl: Like… we’re going to have to help you shop for a dress, help with your invites, wedding shower, help with hair and makeup. You know, make sure everything is perf.
Caroline: Her wedding was so well done that I’m, like, not even worried about it.
Girl: So you’re saying that I can’t help plan a wedding because I’ve never gotten married?
Caroline: No! No no no – that’s not what I’m saying at all. It’s just… she *gets* it, you know?
Girl: I guess I don’t know?
Caroline: Ugh, I feel like we’ve totally derailed this lunch with all of this. Like, do you not want to be a Maid of Honor? Or do you not want Katie to be a Maid of Honor? I don’t want this to be a *thing*.
Girl: Ugh, I’m so sorry, I’m coming off as such a bitch. I literally could not be more excited to be your Maid of Honor. Like, I’ve been waiting for you to ask me since I heard you got engaged. Like, so excited.
Caroline: Okay, good.
Girl: Don’t tell her I told you any of this, but we’ve actually already started planning your bachelorette together.
Caroline: Really?!
Girl: Totes, but like I said, don’t tell her I told you this – she wanted to do something local for it and I was like, “Girl, no, we’re obvs doing her dad’s place in Cabo.”
Caroline: Wait, are you, like… serious? She didn’t want to do Cabo?
Girl: *fake zips her mouth shut*
Caroline: That’s soooo dumb. I’ve been pretty vocal about doing that.
Girl: Idk, maybe money’s tight with her and Finn. Just sayin’.
Caroline: Okay, well, whatever you do, just make sure Cabo happens at any cost. I totally trust you with everything.
Girl: Oh, you know it’ll be perfect. .
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
defriewf
will@grandex.co
crushed that tbh
Conversations like this come natural to you, don’t they?
I can’t tell if she’s a sociopath or if I’m a sociopath.
The simple and obvious answer is both. Please seek professional help but keep writing these too.
She’s an extension of your inner basic girl. Deep down inside, you are her and she is you.
It’s Basic Bitch Fight Club
Both
What’s the over/under that she will manage to ruin the wedding, successfully blame Katie, and force Todd to propose to her at the wedding to steal Caroline’s thunder? Trying to get an office pool going on this latest fiasco.
Meanwhile, Todd is texting Claire to grab drinks later.
#TeamClaire
Please let Girl get kidnapped in Cabo
The Girl is a genius of manipulation. The seeds of hatred have been planted and I can’t wait to see them bloom into a full on catfight in Cabo.
I’ve never felt more second-hand embarrassment than I did reading that interaction.
The girl needs to be our lead interrogator at Gitmo. We break the terrorist will to live the same way she’s broken Todd’s.
“I sound like such a bitch right now.”
Nooooooooo…. What makes you say that?
Probably the most honest thing she’s ever said.
I can’t even fathom being this petty. Like what happens in your life that turns you into such a bitch? Someone please explain.
Getting everything you want all the time makes a maladjusted person.
She’s well past being a bitch.
Yeah she’s a total see you next Tuesday, if you know what I’m saying.
I was going to say it, but it’s a harsh word. Totally applies to her though.
Censorship. #PGP
Grow up, Will. Censoring my crap. Clown move, bro.
Thank you. We’re all grownups here, after all.
Like count at 23. This makes me wanna liiiiiike blow my brains out
So, like…. literally… can you just promise us that when you leave Grandex you FUCKING KILL THESE BITCHES rather than leave us hanging, RIP Gil, thanks in advance.
Who said anything about leaving Grandex?
He won’t leave Grandex, he’ll just go on hiatus to full time write the TGDAG: Anthology series.
Get these in a book and Grandex may get their second New York Times best selling author.
To be fair, we last saw Gil quit his job and ride off into the sunset. Yeah his story could’ve continued, but it was still an ending.