The 6/9 Hooters Business Lunch Live Blog

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4:47 – Nevermind, it’s like someone is reading this because Bob Seger’s “Roll Me Away” just came on.

4:45 – Alright, I’m cashing out because I’ve gotta go get fresh to death at Nordstrom before getting my sizzle on.

4:42 – For spending an entire afternoon at Hooters, the fact that I’m only spending $26.40 is remarkable.

4:36 – Just had to get our tabs. Can’t imagine we’re going to get them very quickly but hey, we’ve got time to burn.

4:34 – We’re currently talking about how gross Dan Regester’s protein shake bottle is.

4:31 – Hooters are for guys who are too afraid to overspend at strip clubs.

4:29 – John and I are just sitting here talking about wood-paneled Jeeps. Whitest situation in the world.

4:28 – “I’m all about these scoopenecks.” – John who is currently wearing a shirt with such a big neck that I can almost see his nipples.

4:27 – John kind of looks like the love child of Jon Bon Jovi and Zack Morris.

4:26 – Place is kind of emptying out which makes zero sense. I feel like 4:27 p.m. at Hooters is primetime.

4:26 – “Mike Limas all day everyday.”

Dude gets it.

4:25 – “how did you guys react after megatrons retirement?”

Dude, that came on a Sunday night when I was hungover. How the hell do you think I dealt with it?

4:24 – Eagle Eye Cherry is on now, so yeah, it’s poppin’.

4:21 – BATHROOM BREAK.

4:21 – Vibe just got killed by U2 on the juke.

4:20 – “I think I would hate Dallas.” – John. Dave, confront this on Monday. Let him at least be employed through the weekend.

4:19 – Wish Dave was here. This is my first time being this deep into a live blog without him. Doesn’t feel right.

4:18 – To be clear, John’s Tevas/socks look was fire. I bet Dillon does it within the next six months.

4:17 – Just hit 3,000 words everyone. Averaging half a beer every thousand words.

4:16 – “Is JD wearing his Tevas with socks again today?”

Nope, wearing the same Stan Smith’s I wore when I skated in 9th grade. Great look.

4:15 – “St. John has one course at the Westin. It’s okay. Great answer though, one of the most beautiful spots in the world. My dad and his brothers went in on 2 large condos there when I was 4 so I go yearly.”

St. John is just underrated as hell. Better BBQ than Texas.

*drops mic*

4:14 – Also, to the dude asking about Sweet Caroline, what kind of domies you trying to drain right now?

4:13 – More CCR just came on. I think we might be on lap two of this playlist.

4:13 – Kayla just called me out for the Spurs comment. Didn’t mean anything bad by it. Just kidding. Hate the Spurs.

4:12 – Keep forgetting I’m sizzling with Big T-Shirt Matt, Dave, and New York Times Best Selling Author Ross Bolen tonight.

4:11 – “Living vicariously through you guys while I wait for ice cold domestics at happy hour. Also, when is “Sweet Caroline” gonna play on this juke? I feel like it’s overdue.”

If you live blog, it will come.

4:10 – “Table opinion on grown men wearing jerseys at sporting events?”

Hockey sweaters? Do it up. Anything else? Nah unless you’re a superfan who welcomes haters (which I respect).

4:10 – I wore Baggies here, might just start peeing my pants.

4:07 – Going to the bathroom was an awful decision. Now all I can do is go to the bathroom.

4:06 – Just to be clear, I love The Challenge more than The Bachelorette. I don’t miss an episode. My secret talent in life is meeting characters from The Real World.

4:05 – John just ordered his third 24-oz Mike Lima, your boy is WAY behind but I had to work for this body and I didn’t get it by drinking hella beers.

Just kidding, that’s the exact reason that I apparently look like a thumb.

4:03 – Supposed to go to Nordies after this and try on dress shirts.

4:02 – “Saturday In The Park” just came on. BANGER ALERT.

3:59 – “Who are JBone’s sports teams and does he realize what he’s getting into with college football and tailgating in Texas?”

Michigan State Spartans, all day. Detroit fan, love all the major teams. “I’m hoping to get some Sunday afternoon beers in with you [Will] come Lions season.”

“I can’t imagine tailgating here is any more intense than a B1G tailgate.” Couldn’t agree more.

3:58 – “Are you able to expense your Hooter’s live blog tabs?”

Nope, paying my own way. Tough job but someone’s gotta do it.

3:57 – “Who do you pick to win the Pittsburgh/San Jose game tonight?”

Pens.

3:57 – All I want to do is take my beer as a roadie in one of these Hooters styrofoam cups. That sounds so awesome.

3:55 – Last time we were here, we were almost killed by the villain from Lord Of The Flies so we can’t put Hooters #1. Scariest moment I’ve had in Austin.

3:54 – Power Ranking The Live Blogs, a work in progress.

3:53 – Solo dude next to us got a chicken sandwich and is sipping what appears to be an iced tea.

3:52 – Just feel like there’s a ton of Spurs fans here.

3:50 – “What is your view on farting in the office. A friend very close to me has a weak stomach and frequently lets steamers rip in his office. Should he stop this or continue to rule with absolute authority”

I don’t mess with any farts of any kind from anyone except myself, and even I keep it private. Hate ’em.

3:50 – “Already Gone” just came on and really couldn’t be happier about it.

3:48 – “F/M/K: Savanna, Chelsea Lynn, Amy Schumer”

Letting John handle this one (please note that he’s never seen Savanna): Kill Savanna, F’ing Amy Schumer to see what the hype is about, and marrying the waitress because I’m pretty sure she’s 20 years old / the hottest girl I’ve seen in Austin this far.

Gotta respect John’s candor here.

3:46 – “Thoughts on Uber taking their ball and leaving Austin? It’s the lone grey cloud hovering over our pseudo-bachelor party there next weekend.”

So many other apps popping up and taking it’s place. Uber might as well come back here and take their territory back before they get priced out. #PoliticsWithWill

3:45 – “I’ll follow: is it possible to close 6 fig deals without wearing bit loafers ? I’ve heard fables of this magic but I’ve yet to see it happen”

Not sure, have never tried without a pair of bits on. No socks, by the way.

3:44 – “Can you ask Dorn to give me a rating for my TFM sports writer submission? Asking for a friend…”

He’ll probably tell you it sucks.

3:43 – On my way back from the bathroom, there was a dude wearing black pants, a black button down, and a black tie getting a picture with all of the waitresses. And somehow he was still cooler than Evan on The Bachelorette.

3:40 – BATHROOM BREAK.

3:39 – Reasons John is a bad hire: favorite golfer is Brandt Snedeker. Talk about someone being a fucking thumb.

3:38 – Just asked where the bathroom was and John knew like the back of his damn hand. What a hire.

3:38 – “Dave, you get my question from snapchat??”

Dave isn’t here, remember? He had to leave and feed our office chicken wings.

3:37 – Just did a mid-yawn order of my second beer. Terrible omen.

3:36 – “Summer of 69” is on the stereo and it’s 6/9 and this must what it be like listening to “All Summer Long” when you’re cruising on a pontoon boat in Northern Michigan.

No, wait, it’s not even close to that.

3:34 – By the way, we don’t have the rapport with our waitress that we should have. Asking her about her dream job would not be a good look right now. John can’t just be a wildman here considering he comes here 3/4 of the nights of the week.

3:33 – “Will, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to take JBone to Diner24 and put the Chicken & Waffles in front of him for brunch. If he finishes the full plate he can stay in TX (Side bar: get the sweet potato hash for yourself and throw Chili on it. You’re welcome)”

24 Diner slays. Everyone knows that. The fact that I haven’t gone late night yet is insanity.

3:30 – “Will & Johnny D, which do you prefer? The American Coney Island or National Coney Island when in Detroit?”

“American Coney Island. I’m going chili cheese on my fries as well.” – John

Going American as well. Legit might go next week.

3:29 – “Texans in the office talking more or less shit now that two M’ganders are around? Also, Johnny needs to write an article in a few months about the transition to Texas – weather, food, traffic etc. As a fellow non-native, I want his hot takes.”

They hate when John and I discuss Michigan. Eye rolls, grunts, everything. It’s like everyone’s body gets taken over by Kayla when Michigan is brought up.

3:29 – “we definately need more info on this solo dude up to no good.”

I honestly don’t even want to discuss it. He’s giving me anxiety.

3:26 – Savanna, if you’re reading this, come on the podcast with us. We still have questions for you.

3:25 – It’s honestly way more full in here than it should be at 3:25 on a casual Thursday. I know there’s a Rangers day game on but there are more full tables than empty. Respect the hustle.

3:24 – “Chill, serious question. Blue Cheese or Ranch?”

Just depends. Ranch with BBQ, Bleu Cheese with Buffalo Sauce, but I could change at any given moment. I’m not tied to any of them.

3:23 – “Ideal retirement spot outside the US?”

I’d say St. John but not sure about the golf scene there. I don’t really see anything wrong with staying in the US and splitting time between Northern Michigan and La Jolla.

3:21 – If anyone is watching ESPN right now, Lil B The Based God has an unreal hat on that I need for my sister’s wedding in Montana. He looks like Dumb & Dumber in Aspen right now.

3:20 – Solo dude just sat at this four-top next to us. This dude up to somethin’.

3:18 – “This is helping to kill the rest of the day in the office and avoiding making edits to some maps, but also making me wish I had a beer. Who else is at this Hooters at 3pm on a Thursday?”

It’s pretty much just twosomes of dudes side-eying every waitress. But “Brown Eyed Girl” came on so everyone just got out of their seats.

3:17 – Big ups to TFM’s own Harrison for recovering the lost entries in this live blog. Huge team effort today. Everyone came to play.

3:14 – Not sure how I’m going to sizzle tonight but champions persist and sizzle under even the toughest of circumstances. I’d rather die on my feet than live on my knees.

3:13 – I’m so full on half of this Miller Lite. Is this what getting old is like? I can’t even day drink anymore unless I’m asking to fall asleep at 8 o’clock.

3:12 – “Will how much did you giggle to yourself when you decided to put 6/9 in the title of the live blog?”

It was a driving factor in actually making this happen today.

3:09 – We lost a ton of content at the bottom of this thing. No idea where it went but that just means we have to create more. Oh well.

3:07 – “Johnny – you used to take the same el stops as me home from work and I kind of wish I said hi…sad you left chi!”

Hey John, someone’s tryna catch it.

3:05 – We’re about to lose Dave and Kayla which essentially going to create a “no parents” situation.

3:04 – “Why don’t you make the intern drive to Hooters and get TSM wings and then drive back to be your DD?”

We texted him to tweet this out and didn’t even hear a response. No idea what he’s getting into right now.

3:03 – “For the whole table (and your waitress): realistic and unrealistic dream jobs if you weren’t writers. Discuss.”

Pro surfer / pro golfer combo. It’s perfect.

3:01 – John just described his hangovers as a “giggle factory.”

2:59 – Hey TSM, Dave is paying right now so your wings will be there in like 20-25 minutes. You’re welcome.

2:57 – “When can we expect the ride the wave tees to hit the open market?”

Not until end of July at the soonest. Too busy to get samples and fulfill orders. Wedding season, fam.

2:56 – Dave doesn’t feel all in on this live blog and it sucks. I’m not going to blame him because it’s not his fault, he essentially has to be a Postmates driver for TSM’s chicken wings right now.

2:55 – My girlfriend might kill John’s sister for saying I look like a sock. No one wants to date a dude that looks like a sock so I support it.

2:54 – “How did mom and pops D take the move to Austin? Happy you’re following a dream, or pissed you moved away and left what would seem to be a more steady career path. (No offense, guys.)”

Not letting John answer this, content is king and everyone knows that.

2:51 – John’s sister just Venmo’d us $20 and apologized for saying I look like the human thumb from Spy Kids and that he needs to buy me a Michelob Ultra. Can’t not drink the beer of leisure activity enthusiasts.

2:50 – “Do you look like a sock”

No, I look like Jason Sudeikis after putting on 15 pounds.

2:48 – The TSM girls are begging us to bring them food right now. Like, why do you hate content so much? Can’t you see we’re making magic happen over here at Hooters?

2:48 – “WHERE IS THE DENIS INTERVIEW?”

Don’t rule him out on the podcast sooner than later.

2:47 – Trying to bring up photos of John’s sister to see what she looks like but then I realized haters make me famous and I don’t care anymore.

2:46 – “Will, can we get a live blog/podcast combo at some time?”

Absolutely. It’s really the only way we should do these moving forward.

2:45 – “Whats the protocol if a Hooters patron, who is not associated with Grandex, arrives in a Miata?”

They officially become a salaried employee as the SVP of Deals.

2:43 – “Top 10 wedding playlist.”

Just classic oldies played by a band. Doesn’t matter the song as long as the floor is full and the drinks are flowing.

2:42 – “Did she say I look like Putin?” – Dave, who looks EXACTLY like Putin.

2:40 – John’s sister reverted from saying I look like a sock to that I look like a thumb. Hate this girl. No offense, John.

2:39 – “Johnny D – If you saw Will and Dave out at a bar would you consider them to be ‘old’?”

“No.” – John
“You can say yes.” – Will
“I feel like I’m not giving clever enough answers, so yes.” – John

2:39 – Your boy’s tall Miller Lite just arrived. ‘Bout two sandwiches in this thing.

2:38 – Currently having a debate about boneless vs. bone-in and ranch vs. bleu cheese.

2:37 – People do realize John is actually from Michigan and not Chicago, right? Everyone knows that you just move to Chicago from Michigan when you’re in your early 20s. That’s what happens.

2:36 – Your boy just got ID’d and Dave made her guess my age. She said 21 and all of the sudden she’s my new best friend. So much better than someone guessing 34 like always.

2:35 – Whoever asked if we were sizzling at Hooters is getting absolutely roasted at this table right now. “Who would sizzle at fucking Hooters?”

2:34 – “Shania Twain or Carrie Underwood?”

Carrie, those legs.

2:33 – Just to be clear, even if Duda had said Styx, I was typing Kid Rock.

2:32 – This waitress is much more absent than Savanna ever was. I don’t mind that there’s room for improvement, but come on, Daddy’s trying to feed.

2:31 – “Styx or Kid Rock and why?”

Kid Rock but only because I don’t know any Styx songs. Dave then explained some songs to him and John reiterated, “It’s absolutely Kid Rock.”

2:30 – “I know they have Bud Lights here.” – John, who apparently really doesn’t branch out much.

2:28 – Shania on the stereo and on the border of ordering hella beers.

2:27 – “Better style, Barrett or John?”

Me.

2:25 – “Johnny: What about Texas are you looking forward to most (besides your job), and what are you going to miss most about Chicago?”

Most looking forward to: “Girls? I should be more clever than that, but.”

Miss most about Chicago: “Saturday morning brunch because I feel like that’s not a thing here. Oh, and The El. And Uber.”

“It’s a very brunch-friendly town?” – Dave

2:23 – The playlist today is bangers only. Amazing mix of country and hair rock. Absolutely love it.

2:22 – “What will be higher: number of sizzle snaps sent out or number of times Kayla rolls her eyes when they arrive?”

All Kayla does is roll her eyes and say “ugh” so that.

2:21 – “Will, will we ever find out what happened when you went to the wrong church for a wedding. Also don’t think I don’t eye emoji every time you mention scaries LS on Twitter. Hottest item not on the streets. Honestly more exclusive item than yeezys?”
It was a two-part series that I finished, fam. All went fine after the ceremony. But yeah, Ride The Wave shirts are harder to find than Yeezys and that’s saying A LOT.

2:21 – “Y’all accepting Venmo’s for shots? It’s only 2:30, but if you’re sizzling later you might as well go all in right now…”

TBD. Stay tuned.

2:21 – “If you are going from Hooter’s directly to the Sizzle, you have to be all-in on an afternoon Hooter’s crudite plate right?”

Hooters to Nordstrom to home to Matt’s Famous El Rancho.

2:18 – Just switched seats to the other side of the table and internet is INFINITELY better.

2:17 – Our internet is shit right now so I apologize for the lack of updates. Currently doing this from my phone.

2:11 – John’s little sister just texted him and told him that I “look like a sock,” whatever the fuck that means. Don’t really care though because she’s now officially dead to me.

2:10 – “When is Duda’s inaugural trip to Abel’s on the Lake? Guy knows nothing about Texas Tea”

Gotta get him there sooner than later, huge fan of draining beers on that patio.

2:09 – “How much of a bad influence is Boosh going to be on Johnny D? Also, is Boosh #1 pick in the office death pool?”

Boosh is easily #1, and those two aren’t allowed to hang out.

2:09 – Intern Evan, if you’re reading this, please tweet this from the PGP account. I’m on John’s computer and can’t do it.

2:05 – “This is exactly what I needed on the day that my entire department is out of the office, but I still have to be here.

Is Johnny still rocking the bathing suit look?”

Dude is currently rocking a blue long sleeve and khakis rolled up, love the look. Aggressive in 90-degree heat? Yeah, probably. But fashion doesn’t care about the weather.

2:04 – “Do you get sound for the game”

Why would you want game audio when you can listen “Nothin’ But A Good Time” by Poison instead?

2:03 – “Will, what’s your top (or top three) favorite summer drinks?”

Piña Colada, Miami Vice, Margarita, Vodka-Soda. Not in that order, just depends on my vibes.

2:03 – “Stop trying to make sizzle happen, its not gonna happen”

It’s already happening, dude. It’s here to stay.

2:02 – Having technical difficulties, everyone. Internet at Hooters is surprisingly shitty right now..

1:48 – Sizzling tonight so we’re in for a marathon today, boys and girls.

1:47 – Today I’m joined by Dave, Johnny D, and Kayla. This is the first live blog experience for both Kayla and John, so hopefully they get right into it.

1:45 – Decent lunch crowd here right now. CCR blasting on the juke, Rangers game on the television, spirits are at about a 7/10 right now

1:41 – Our waitress’s name is Chelsea Lynn, in case you were wondering. We believe that Savanna has been fired and/or has left her job here.

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Will

Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.

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