Five People That Had A Worse Memorial Day Weekend Than You

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Well, it’s the Sunday night of Memorial Day Weekend, and I’m sitting here writing this column, so I guess that tells you how exciting my weekend was. But on the upside, I have tomorrow off, so I’ve got it better than the people that don’t…or these people.

Kanye West

The extended members of the Kardashian Klan aren’t having a good few weeks in regards to getting their things stolen. Last week, Scott Disick was the victim of an alleged inside job that saw several grand in watches and jewelry go missing. Now it’s Kanye West’s turn.

Cops were called to Kanye’s “creative studio” in Calabasas, CA on Tuesday morning and told that a door had been forced open sometime during the night. The thieves made off with laptops and desktops totaling around $20K. The items have already been replaced and due to “some heavy-duty tech security, none of Yeezus’ info was compromised.”

There are no suspects as of yet, but much like in Disick’s case, “Kanye’s team believes it was someone with direct knowledge of what was in the space.” With friends like these, who needs enemies? [via TMZ]

Alice Through the Looking Glass

It’s been a shitty week of Johnny Depp, but I’m not going to get into all that. Instead, let’s focus on the shitty performance of his new film, Alice Through the Looking Glass, which had as bad of a weekend as its star.

Unlike its predecessor, which earned $116 million its opening weekend and $1.025 billion total, it’s being reported that the big budget sequel will have trouble breaking $35 million over the Memorial Day Weekend.

Of course, some people are blaming the dismal performance on Depp’s personal troubles, but personally, I just find Helena Bonham Carter as the Red Queen scary AF. [via The Hollywood Report]

Renters

Did you just graduate college and are thinking that instead of being a pathetic loser that moves home with their parents after graduation, you’ll just go out and rent a place? Well, I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but a new report says that renting is now more expensive than ever before.

While there’s a bunch of reasons why – including millennials flooding the market and low inventory – the end game is that workers now need to earn more to afford a two-bedroom apartment comfortably; an average of $20.30 an hour in 2016 compared with $19.35 last year. The even worse news: the average hourly wage for Americans is actually $15.42. And to those of you going, “Fine, I’ll just get a one bedroom,” the news there isn’t that much better.

Well, look at it this way: at least while you live at home while you’re saving up, maybe your mom will do your laundry. [via Business Insider]

Beach Goers

Have you spent the last few months getting your body beach ready? Well, that’s great…except that beaches are apparently going to be shark-infested this year.

Experts are predicting that shark attacks in the United States could top 100 incidents this year. Shark populations that have been rising since 1990 coupled with more people swimming in oceans that are becoming warmer due to global warming is the cause, according to George Burgess, director of the International Shark Attack File at the University of Florida.

And while the experts say that shark attacks are still quite rare – you actually stand more of chance of being killed by collapsing sand – I think I’ll be spending my summer poolside, where the only sharks are of the blow-up, pool toy variety. [via Daily Mail]

Harambe

Twitter blew up on Sunday, when news broke that Harambe, a 17-year-old male western lowland gorilla, was killed by staffers at the Cincinnati Zoo after a four-year-old boy somehow slipped through a barrier and entered the animal’s enclosure on Saturday afternoon. The boy was alternately “dragged around like a toy by the hulking silverback gorilla” and held in a protective posture for about 10 minutes until staffers shot the animal. The boy was injured, but the injuries are not considered life-threatening.

Now, of course, people are flipping out over Harambe being killed, wondering how the hell this kid got into the enclosure in the first place as well as why the gorilla couldn’t be tranquilized instead of killed. No word on the first, but as for the second: “a tranquilizer would have taken several minutes to neutralize the animal, prolonging the risk” according to The New York Times.

So let’s take a minute to mourn Harambe, who definitely had a worse weekend than all of us. Have fun in gorilla heaven, big guy. [via New York Times] .

Image via Twitter

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.

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