50 Things Every Postgrad Should Know

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1. Your co-workers are not your enemies, no matter how much it seems that way.
2. Hope you like Jos. A. Bank emails.
3. Eating lunch alone in your car is as depressing as it sounds.
4. People don’t like cursing as much as they did in college.
5. An early lunch is never a good idea.
6. A long lunch is a privilege not to be abused.
7. Starting to drink coffee is much like when you started drinking beer. You acquire a taste for it over time.
8. Ambien.
9. You’re never going to use that gym membership.
10. Yes, health insurance is bullshit and ridiculously confusing. Yes, you still need it.
11. Never forget your headphones at home.
12. You don’t have to understand what the hell your 401k is all about, just pretend to.
13. Instagramming that picture of the dinner you made for yourself is only going to make people worry about you.
14. You get one Throwback Thursday picture per week. One. That’s it.
15. Buying a dog is cool. Adopting a rescue dog is cooler.
16. Your Spotify activity feed says a lot about you.
17. You’re never too old to sleep on a friend’s couch.
18. It’s always a good idea to have a tab open on your browser with something that makes you look busy.
19. You’re going to have to ‘like’ those baby pics on Facebook, whether you want to or not.
20. You are starting from the bottom, but that doesn’t mean that “Started from the bottom” is your anthem.
21. Being an usher at a wedding isn’t as glamorous as it sounds.
22. The two greatest words in the English language are “expense account.”
23. A good ‘90s playlist can be a life saver.
24. Make sure you dust off those Insanity DVDs before inviting friends over.
25. Always remember to laugh before hanging up on the kid asking for a donation to your alma mater.
26. Think of every weekend as a great time to work on your wedding dance moves.
27. Being single and getting laid on a weeknight is an act of God.
28. Every person you date will be viewed as a potential spouse by your friends and family.
29. Don’t buy life insurance. Not yet, anyway.
30. It’s always a good idea to have friends that are accountants.
31. Your first job probably won’t be your last job.
32. The trip back from a weekend visit to your old college will be the most depressing part of your month.
33. You don’t have to respond to texts from friends still in college.
34. Football season tickets in the alumni section are a great investment.
35. Blacking out on weeknights on purpose is no longer acceptable, but accidents happen.
36. Allot some space in your monthly budget for cab fare.
37. It’s perfectly fine to ask your parents for rent money. Be prepared to hear “no” a lot.
38. LinkedIn stalking is the new Facebook stalking.
39. Personal days and vacation days aren’t the same thing.
40. Your hangovers will become debilitating.
41. Sunday funday is the slipperiest of slopes.
42. You’re going to end up enjoying soft jazz at one point or another. Just let it happen.
43. Most frequent flyer programs are rip offs, unless your company pays for it.
44. Cool it with the political Facebook statuses.
45. Never find a roommate on Craigslist.
46. The company Christmas party is either the best or worst night of the year.
47. It is no longer acceptable to wear jerseys to sporting events, not that it already was in the first place.
48. People are going to be doing grown up shit every day. Buying houses, getting married, having kids. It is going to terrify you.
49. Mattresses are more expensive than you think.
50. You’re still a kid for a few more years and can get away with doing dumb shit (that doesn’t ruin your career).

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TheChampionsTour

TheChampionsTour (@ChampsTourTFM) is a contributing writer for Post Grad Problems, Rowdy Gentleman, and Total Frat Move .

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