Not Being Up-Front Just Makes You The Worst

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I’ll preface this by saying I’m not exactly the ladies’ man. Nope, no Tim Meadows over here. The majority of my relationships have been admittedly a mess and I’ve been out of the game for awhile. All that backdrop aside, there’s a trend I’ve caught onto. It’s something I think can be acknowledged by anyone currently playing the field.

Recently, I was discussing a relationship issue one of my good female friends was having. I’m assuming she went through her contacts and thought, “Who’s the worst person I can talk to about this?” and settled on me. But long story short, she’d been seeing a guy for about six to seven months. Via her scouting report, they had good chemistry, but he had spent most of the time they dated saying that he doesn’t want to be tied down or committed. Fair enough. That’s definitely his prerogative.

Like a lot of girls in their mid-to-late 20s, she was about ready to find out if he was someone she could see a future with, or if he was just keeping her around for the hell of it. Also fair. When she brought up their future, the guy took it to heart and for all intents and purposes swore his commitment to seeing things out with her. Noble. This was, of course, until three weeks later when he informed her that he was going on a date with someone else the day before Valentine’s, but it was, “nothing serious.” A little shitty, to say the least.

I’m not gonna harp on a guy for not wanting to get tied down in his 20s. From where I’m sitting, I’d rather have OJ Simpson find out I was sleeping with his wife than get tied down at this moment in my life. Not wanting the same thing as someone else is perfectly fine. But Christ, we’re adults now ladies and gents. Being a savage with other people’s feelings doesn’t make you Vince Vaughan in Swingers — it just makes you an asshole.

The college days of, “Oh yeah, I totally wanna be with you” just to make sure you had someone to consistently fall into the sack with aren’t really acceptable anymore. Yeah, I was guilty of that back in the day. But by now, any adult should know what they want and shouldn’t be afraid to be blunt about it. If you can’t? Then, frankly, you’re kind of a pussy. And that’s coming from a guy who has a tendency to be kind of a pussy.

If you’ve been following the running trials and tribulations of my boy Johnny D in “I’m Engaging in the Chase” series, then you’ve been witnessing a guy doing things the right way. You may not see eye to eye with Johnny’s strategy or juggling skills, but he’s playing the field while making zero long-term promises.

The maturity needs to be there to come to an honest understanding with someone about where things are going. If you fancy yourself a modern-day Casanova, but know that the person you’re seeing is looking for that classic nuclear family life faster than you can say, “Two kids and a mortgage,” better just bite the bullet and clear out. You’re only going to cause a massive trainwreck when your true intentions hit the fan like a massive heap of bird shit.

The shoe can be on the other foot, though. If you’ve gotten hit with the, “I’m not looking for anything serious,” and come to an agreement on that, don’t suddenly two weeks later bring up moving in together or meeting your parents.

Please ignore the fact that this sounds like the most pro-segregation statement of the past 50 years, but we would all be better served being up-front and staying with our own people. The crowd playing it loose and free, keep to yourselves. If you don’t want to be tied to another person, fantastic, more power to ya. It’ll only cause problems if you dip your pen into ink it’s not best suited for; ink that wants to stay in your pen for the next 50 years.

That goes for the marriage seekers as well. Looking to meet your one true Nicholas Sparks movie soulmate? Great! Just don’t expect that person who’s playing the field to buy a ring after two months. If everyone’s keeping things on the up and up we can all make the hazardous dating world just a tad bit simpler. .

Image via Shutterstock

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Kyle Bandujo

The artist formerly known as Crash Davis. My kid doesn't think I'm funny.

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