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So it’s not the Ryder Cup? It’s still match play. If this country can pretend to be into soccer every few years so we can justify going to bars and getting belligerent while wearing patriotic gear, then I think we can put forth some effort and support the President’s Cup. Team USA has only lost this thing once, and the squad is stacked this year. I know there’s no Tiger due to the fact that he is currently a very average pro golfer, but we’ve got some solid dudes we’re sending to Korea.

Jordan Spieth

He’s the guy that won 2 majors this year. His game isn’t about power and neither is yours. He’s 22 and more mature than you’ll ever be. I’ve gone on record as saying that Spieth will win 35 majors in his career. Come at me, bro. Even when he doesn’t win, he’s so well liked on Tour that he’s allowed to pound champagne out of the Claret Jug.

Bubba Watson

I only root for Bubba when it’s patriotic. Full disclosure: I was a Bubba fan a few years back. Loved the flow, and loved the Travis Mathew polo buttoned all the way up. Then shit got weird. He switched to Oakley, and people started noticing that his attitude was less than pleasant.

I’ll root for Bubba during the Cup, but I’ll be praying for his caddy the rest of the year. #PrayForTedScott

Jimmy Walker

The former Baylor great is just a classic good dude. He’s won multiple tournaments on Tour, and he likes stars and shit.

Zach Johnson

Ol’ ZJ. Probably one of the nicest dudes on Tour, and a two time major winner. Zach has questionable sunglasses game, but on the course, he’s a certified killer.

Jim Furyk

He swings weird as fuck and has one win this year. He’s underrated in commercials. Also, he’s completely bald under that hat which is endearing. Welcome aboard, Jim.

Rickie Fowler

I recently did a complete 180 on Rickie Fowler. Gone are the days that I root against this guy just because he helped Puma make flat-bills mainstream. Fresh off staring down Stenson at the DBC, Fowler is very likely to be the next young gun to win a major. He also dates babes.

Dustin Johnson

Heartbreak City, Population: DJ. We all know about the three putt at the U.S. Open, but there are many intangibles at play here. Was DJ ripping lines, and if so, were other Tour pros’ wives involved? We just don’t know for sure. All we know is that he married, and impregnated, a Gretzky.

Patrick Reed

If you don’t like Patrick Reed, I get it. He’s been called a cheater, and he wears a choker. But questionable neck gear aside, Reed is the ultimate match play heel that you love rooting for.

Matt Kuchar

Good dude. Completely bald under that hat. Flat swing. Saw some total smoke shows wearing “We Love The Kuch” shirts at the Byron Nelson a few years back. That was cool. Hopefully, he can win a major before it’s over. For now, he’s the ultimate nice guy on the squad.

Chris Kirk

Kirk came up and paid his dues on the Nationwide Tour. Have to respect the grind. He’s got 4 wins on Tour, and has a strong emoji game. Give ’em hell, CK.

Captain’s Picks

Phil Mickelson

You know all about this madman. He’s a controversial pick, but I truly believe this moment at the 2014 Ryder Cup heavily influenced Captain Jay Haas’ decision.

Bill Haas

Coach’s son. 11th in the point standings. Awkward spot for his old man, but we’ll all be better off for having a guy named Haas out there. If you’re not condescendingly calling your coworkers “Haas” then you’re not doing it right.

I can’t wait. So many #Sports on the horizon, guys. .

Image via L.E.MORMILE / Shutterstock.com

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Dave

Lawyer. Writer. Dude doing business. I'm the meatloaf guy from tv.

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