Five People That Had A Worse Weekend Than You

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If you follow me on Twitter, you know it was my birthday weekend (and if you stopped following me because of my obnoxious tweets this weekend, please come back, I miss you). Thirty-six straight hours of drinking my way through New York City was amazing… until it came to a screeching halt on Sunday morning at 6:00 a.m. with a call from my boss about an emergency in the office. In what I consider to be the ultimate #PGP, a mere 12 hours after dancing with a busboy at a Russian vodka bar, I was standing in the office looking at the sprinkler system, trying not to hurl in front of my coworkers. But still, it was a pretty awesome weekend – and at the very least, it was better than some.

Wiz Khalifa

There’s a long list of things you can’t do in an airport. Smoke, carry more than 3 ounces of shampoo and yell “Bomb-ba-bomb-ba-bomb” Meet the Parents style. Well, now we know of one more item you can add to the list, courtesy of Wiz Khalifa: ride a hoverboard.

Khalifa was riding his new toy at LAX on Saturday when Customs and Border Patrol officers asked him to get off the floating skateboard. He refused, and then documented the entire situation on Twitter, obviously:

This isn’t the first time that Khalifa has had issues at an airport as he was arrested May 2014 at the El Paso, Texas airport for marijuana possession. Maybe he needs to start looking at the train schedule? [Via Rolling Stone]

Steve Sarkisian

I got drunk and made an ass out of myself at least eight times this weekend. I definitely made the DJ play “Baby Got Back” at least three times in one hour and I’m pretty sure that at one point I yelled at a bouncer for not noticing it was birthday when he checked my ID. But at least I made these drunken errors in judgement in front of my friends in the place they are expected to happen – a bar.

Not so much for Steve Sarkisian. The University of Southern California’s football coach got plastered on Saturday at the program’s annual Salute to Troy event, which introduces the team to major donors. The boozed up coach declared that the programs at Oregon, Notre Dame, and Arizona State “suck” and also dropped some profanities when introducing the team members.

One attendee posted on USCFootball.com about the shitshow that was Sarkisian’s appearance: “He appeared to be drunk, slurred his speech, dropped an eff bomb. No doubt, he was wasted, enough so that McKay and Haden went backstage and were seen talking to him. He didn’t come back. The program announcer and the assistants finished the program. Embarrassing.”

Both Sarkisian and Athletic Director Pat Haden issued statements on Sunday apologizing for the incident, saying it would not happen again. But I’m still totally going to watch USC games this year and wait for the inevitable meltdown. [Via Bleacher Report]

Two Ninja-Robbers In Pittsburgh

Two dudes walk into a convenience store… dressed as ninjas… stop me if you’ve heard this one before. Well, even if you have, it probably didn’t end like this.

On Friday night, two teenagers in full ninja gear entered the Perry Market intent on robbing the place. They whipped out a machete and demanded the store cashier, Jewad Hayih, empty the register. But they were in for a surprise when Hayih pulled out a BIGGER sword and knocked the machete out of one of the teen’s hands. Realizing the cashier is one crazy motherfucker, the two would-be robbers took off and are still at large. [Via Huffington Post]

Jordy Nelson

It’s been a pretty weird NFL pre-season so far. Jay Cutler has actually looked decent, Odell Beckham Jr. couldn’t catch a ball against the freaking Jaguars, and people are getting injured so often you’d think they were made of that flimsy plastic they make fake Easter eggs out of. And the latest victim of the injury trend is kind of a big deal: The Packers’ Jordy Nelson.

During the opening drive of Sunday’s Packers-Steelers game, Nelson went up to make a catch with no defenders in sight. Despite the lack of contact, the play ended with Nelson limping off the field. While the team is watching for the results of MCI to confirm, reports are circulating that Nelson tore his ACL, meaning Aaron Rodgers’ favorite target is likely out for the season.

I imagine it sucks to get hurt in any game, but as Rodgers’ put it: “It’s difficult to lose a guy like that in a meaningless game.” [Via NFL.com]

One Direction Fans

It’s been a tough year for One Direction fans. First came the departure of Zayn Malik, then came the news that Louis Tomlinson knocked up some chick and is set to become a baby daddy early next year. But this may just be the biggest blow yet: the remaining boys are breaking up.

According to a source, the band will not be touring in support of their upcoming fifth album; instead, they will be taking a break for at least a year to focus on their individual projects. Band member Liam Payne hinted at the break a few weeks ago, saying in a radio interview, “You know, I think everyone needs a little bit of a break now, and a sit down and a stop, to kind of take in all the great things that’ve happened.”

While this may be just a break for now, we all know how that usually turns out. I’ll be looking forward to the slightly pathetic reunion tour in 2031, when they’ve blown through their fortunes on failing restaurants and paternity suits. [Via The Daily Mail] .

Image via Shutterstock

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.

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