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1. The dress
Her: The most beautiful dress she’ll ever wear…as long as it doesn’t make her hips look too wide.
Her: The only acceptable ocassion – ever – to wear waterproof mascara.
Her: I would fucking KILL to have someone say those things to me.
Her: My best friends, except for her fat cousin from Pennsylvania.
Her: 3 of my college one night stands. Great reunion.
Her: Jesus take the wheel, I’ll be a drunk, emtional disaster by the end of the night.
Her: CALL ME MAYBE, STAT.
Her: Oh, good, they didn’t do a buffet. So tacky.
Her: My favorite man alive!
Her: Ugh, his mom seems like such a bitch.
Her: Is he single?
Her: Eh, a little small for MY liking, but it’s bigger than the one I have…which is nonexistent.
Her: Please please please don’t get drunk and embarrass me.
Her: RED VELVET EVERYTHING.
Her: I’m keeping it class, so vodka sodas and the occasional champagne toast/glass of white wine, obv.
Her: Well, my date’s already passed out, and I’m moving in on the groomsmen. At this point, I’m painfully aware of how single I am.
Her: There better not be strippers.
Her: MALE STRIPPERS AND PENIS CROWNS!
Her: So worth it.
Him: Worth it.
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TheChampionsTour
TheChampionsTour (@ChampsTourTFM) is a contributing writer for Post Grad Problems, Rowdy Gentleman, and Total Frat Move .
@TheChampsTour
I do what I want.