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When it comes to attending weddings, this isn’t my first rodeo. Literally, I have attended two rodeo-themed weddings. During one ceremony, there were actual cattle grazing behind the altar. I have been a guest at an absurd number of weddings, from black tie to the beach to a traditional Scottish ceremony, and I have seen it all. In fact, several months ago, a Williams-Sonoma employee recognized me as the “Hey, you always buy the bath towel sets, right?” girl.
Spring wedding season is upon us. For those of us in this young adult limbo, our calendars are packed with wedding celebrations. So dust off your flask and get ready for the wedding drinking game, guaranteed to distract you rubber chicken dinner.
One Sip:
∙Mason jars
∙A handwritten sign that reads, “Pick a seat, not a side”
∙Bridesmaids all wearing different dresses of the same color
∙Acrylic French tip manicures
∙Cupcake cake
∙“No plus ones”
∙Tulle fabric decorations
∙Someone takes out a selfie stick
∙People take iPhone pictures of the ceremony (take another sip if people are also uploading pictures during the ceremony)
∙DJ plays a heavily censored pop song
Two Sips:
∙“Cash bar”
∙Someone says, “you’re next”
∙Someone in the wedding party gets sick
∙You sense sexual tension between a groomsman and a bridesmaid
∙Someone is watching a basketball game on his or her phone
∙Your leg cramps during “Shout”
∙A speech is longer than five minutes
∙Conga line
Finish Your Drink:
∙The groom removes the garter with his teeth
∙It’s on a Thursday or a Sunday
∙The couple lies about how they met
∙Anyone alludes to wedding night sex in a toast
∙The couple updates their Facebook profiles during the wedding reception
∙Any theme
∙Flash mob
∙A grandparent makes his or her disapproval known
Drink responsibly, dad dance — you know the drill..
Respond
I actually just stopped going to Sunday weddings.
No one cares.
You are quite the dad dance advocate.
You are quite the idiot
The persistence is absolutely inspiring.
I can tell by the tone with which you used “persistence” that you have a repulsive body and use google to find images of BBWs in see-through lingerie.
Hey, everyone has their own tastes.