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I grew up in the suburbs of Boston, went to school in Philadelphia and have been living in NYC for four years. I’m as New England as they come. Technically, New York isn’t included in New England, but no matter. How dare anyone attack my beloved Northeast, but more specifically, New England. I’m proud of my quaint-as-fuck New England roots, and will dispel, with pleasure, some of the greatest aspects of living in the original colonies.
1. It was the original America.
Do you call yourself American? Stand on the same soil the pilgrims landed on and reflect on how long and hard your own immigrant ancestors have worked their asses off so you could go to college and not remember half of it. Granted, those same pilgrims destroyed an entire culture and civilization, but at least we’ve reconstructed teepees and wigwams for kids to learn about at camp. Okay, so the pilgrims were basically the asshole fraternity that spread STDs throughout the entire campus but some things can’t be helped. Powhatan said it best:
2. Our varied landscape.
The coastline of Rhode Island. The woods of Vermont. The rocky terrain of Massachusetts. The mountains of New Hampshire. The gin buckets of Connecticut. Each area has their own personality and disturbingly picturesque and Instagram-worthy aspects. Also, I dare you to beat Martha’s Vineyard or the Cape in the summer. You step into a Bob Ross painting every time you go outside.
3. The food.
Umm, New England clam chowder? Scallops? Maine Lobster? Sam Adams lager? Anything seafood related (or moonshine related in the off-season) that’s locally sourced is a surefire winner. So layer on that extra flannel this fall and no one will be the wiser that you just inhaled your weight in crustaceans and butter.
4. Maple Fucking Syrup
YOU CAN TAKE YOUR SWEET TEA AND GO TO HELL, IT AIN’T GOT SHIT ON MAPLE SUGAR.
5. The education.
Yes, the Northeast is expensive. Yes, land is coveted and more expensive for smaller amounts. That’s because it’s filled with well-educated people who make enough money to afford it. Boston alone boasts Harvard, MIT, BC, BU and a slew of other excellent schools just to give you an idea of how wicked smart we are.
6. You get all four seasons.
It’s hot in the summer, cold in the winter and appropriately chilly in the spring and fall. It’s as nature intended it, and you get to fully appreciate the entire range of temperatures and all the emotions that come with switching out your seasonal wardrobe..