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I grew up in the suburbs of Boston, went to school in Philadelphia and have been living in NYC for four years. I’m as New England as they come. Technically, New York isn’t included in New England, but no matter. How dare anyone attack my beloved Northeast, but more specifically, New England. I’m proud of my quaint-as-fuck New England roots, and will dispel, with pleasure, some of the greatest aspects of living in the original colonies.
1. It was the original America.
Do you call yourself American? Stand on the same soil the pilgrims landed on and reflect on how long and hard your own immigrant ancestors have worked their asses off so you could go to college and not remember half of it. Granted, those same pilgrims destroyed an entire culture and civilization, but at least we’ve reconstructed teepees and wigwams for kids to learn about at camp. Okay, so the pilgrims were basically the asshole fraternity that spread STDs throughout the entire campus but some things can’t be helped. Powhatan said it best:
2. Our varied landscape.
The coastline of Rhode Island. The woods of Vermont. The rocky terrain of Massachusetts. The mountains of New Hampshire. The gin buckets of Connecticut. Each area has their own personality and disturbingly picturesque and Instagram-worthy aspects. Also, I dare you to beat Martha’s Vineyard or the Cape in the summer. You step into a Bob Ross painting every time you go outside.
3. The food.
Umm, New England clam chowder? Scallops? Maine Lobster? Sam Adams lager? Anything seafood related (or moonshine related in the off-season) that’s locally sourced is a surefire winner. So layer on that extra flannel this fall and no one will be the wiser that you just inhaled your weight in crustaceans and butter.
4. Maple Fucking Syrup
YOU CAN TAKE YOUR SWEET TEA AND GO TO HELL, IT AIN’T GOT SHIT ON MAPLE SUGAR.
5. The education.
Yes, the Northeast is expensive. Yes, land is coveted and more expensive for smaller amounts. That’s because it’s filled with well-educated people who make enough money to afford it. Boston alone boasts Harvard, MIT, BC, BU and a slew of other excellent schools just to give you an idea of how wicked smart we are.
6. You get all four seasons.
It’s hot in the summer, cold in the winter and appropriately chilly in the spring and fall. It’s as nature intended it, and you get to fully appreciate the entire range of temperatures and all the emotions that come with switching out your seasonal wardrobe..
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sarahsolfails
Writer in NYC. To quote Dr. Seuss, "Being crazy isn't enough."
@urbanJAP
@sarahsolfails
Jamestown in VA and St. Augustine in FL would like to have a word with you about that “original America” comment.
As would North Carolina, South Carolina, and Georgia. 14 major Revolutionary War battles were fought in SC alone. There’s nothing wrong of being proud of where you came from, but you missed the biggest reason people hate the north: snobs like you.
Original Colonies maybe, but America was born in Boston and Phili
so would my native American ancestors.
Came here to say this
Instead of writing “You get all four seasons,” you should just say “You have to wear pants for four or more months.” No one wants that.
This guy gets it.
1. Nobody cares about that anymore.
2. Beach, Appalachian Mountains, Bayou, marshes, etc.. We also have a varied landscape.
3. Other than clam chowder, which I don’t care for that much, we have all those as well. So, those are not unique.
4. You’re American, not Canadian.
5. You didn’t go to any of those schools, so it doesn’t matter.
6. Current Weather in Charlotte: 75 degrees. Current Weather in NY: 70 degrees. Not that much of difference right. You can take your aggressively cold winters, I’ll take a hot summer.
5. You’re right. She probably didn’t go to any of those schools. If she did, she wouldn’t be hopefully have a better job than as a contributing writer. That being said, forget about colleges in New England. Public K-12 schools in New England put public K-12 schools in the South to shame. There’s a reason for those unemployment rates and the fact that the average North Carolina high school graduate reads at a 6th grade level.
Forbes Most Educated Cities:
1) Ann Arbor, Michigan
2) Raleigh, North Carolina
3) Durham, North Carolina
What was that about North Carolinians being uneducated?
You know most of the people that live in the research triangle aren’t from North Carolina, right?
I see nothing wrong with you being proud of where you come from, but your first two points were a little off base.
1. South Carolina (born and raised) was one of the original 13 colonies, so the northeast can’t really claim to be the birthplace of America, at least not all by itself.
2. As far as all types of terrain, I’d like to point out that from Greenville, SC, I’m three hours or less away from beaches like the Dirty Myrtle and Hilton Head, basically a golf Mecca. Also, I can be on the lake, in the middle of beautiful woods, on top of a mountain, in the middle of a corn field or apple orchard, or in two major cities (Charlotte and Atlanta) in two hours. Check and mate. Also we have Charleston, one of the best cities in the world.
I think she meant to say birthplace of the revolution. I thought that as soon as I read it. A true Bostonian will tell u BC, MIT and Harvard are not in Boston but Newton and the people’s republic of Cambridge.
Not to pick a bone — I live in the very flat Midwest so I have no dog in the fight — but you’ve described about half of NE there. Obviously the weather is colder, but she knew that making the point.
Your food argument is razor thin. Yes, you have what you listed, but I would just as rather have fresh seafood from the Gulf- shrimp, crawfish, oysters, grouper, etc. Plus, our fruits and vegetables are fresher because of the climate and we have fried food which is fucking delicious
I’ll be the first guy to order real gumbo, but once you eat a lobster from Maine or quahogs from Rhode Island, nothing else compares.
I would like to disagree. I have eaten seafood across half the world. Nothing will ever beat Moreton Bay Bugs from Queensland, Australia. Add to the fact that it is the only place you can get them. They are just so damn good. Don’t need anything at all on them.
Will definitely give them a shot next time I’m in the neighborhood
“I grew up in the suburbs of Boston, went to school in Philadelphia and have been living in NYC for four years. I’m as New England as they come. Technically, New York isn’t included in New England, but no matter.”
Nothing screams New England like Philly!
Meh.
I’ve seen a couple of these on here now. They always seem to spark discussion. Glad to see there is still a friendly rivalry across the Mason-Dixon.
Enjoy chipping that half foot of ice off your windshield in winter, since you get all four seasons.