If any of you either 1) identify as a female or 2) identify as a person, you have probably heard that all of the seasons of “Gilmore Girls” have been uploaded to Netflix. As a newbie to this series, I decided to start watching it. After getting through the first season, here is why I don’t think you, or anyone else for that matter, should watch this show, ever:
1. Your relationship with your mother will suffer.
Rory and Lorelai’s relationship is so wonderful. They’re best friends! They get coffee together all the time at the local cafe. They finish each other’s thoughts and are constantly batting witty comments back and forth like a perfectly timed tennis match. You watch a few episodes, decide you can totally form that bond with your mother, and then after calling her or hanging out with her, you realize television has once again lied to you. Your mom doesn’t want to exchange witty dialogue–she wants to know why you still haven’t paid her for the cell phone bill last month and if you have found a boyfriend yet.
2. You want to move to a small town, but then you get let down when you visit a small town.
As someone who grew up in a small country town for 18 years, I was immune to the quaint charm of Stars Hallow, where “Gilmore Girls” is set. However, I could see how it could put some starry-eyed city folk into a tizzy as they think about living somewhere where everyone knows your name and where a cute ex-Broadway star teaches little girls ballet. Trust me though, it’s not that way. Sure, everyone knows your name, but that also means they know your business. ALL your business. I swear. I had to put on makeup to go to the grocery store because I knew I would see my two best friends, my Girl Scout leader, a teacher, and at least two guys I had a crush on. Also, those small towns are not that cute or clean. Some are, but let’s be real–it costs a fortune to live in those small towns. The others are full of sad buildings once owned by someone who watched this show and decided to try his or her hand at opening an inn somewhere.
3. Your relationship expectations are shot down.
Dean? Max? Luke? Holy peas. Can we just discuss how rare it is to find a man who will either wait for you at the bus stop, give you 1,000 daisies, or give you the best coffee on Earth all the time? This show makes you look at your partner in disgust because he doesn’t do these things for you. All you want is a handmade medallion, or, you know, those 1,000 daisies. Get it together, gentlemen.
4. It will remind you that you’re not rich.
Rory’s grandparents are filthy rich. She talks about going to Harvard so casually, since she never has to worry about taking out $60,000 in loans per year to pay for it. You love her, but you kind of hate her a little bit for her private school “Harry Potter” life and her future of not crying into her cereal because another loan payment is due.
5. You will not be able to stop watching it.
You may have homework. You may have a job. You may have a life. Yet, if you start watching this show, you can kiss all of those things goodbye. All you will want to do is sit down, grab a blanket, and watch as these two ladies tackle small-town life in big ways. You will dye your hair brunette and decide to name your future daughter Rory. Heed my warnings..