If you really stop and think about it, it’s a little weird that we have a wildy popular game and points system based on work performance, even though that work performance happens to take place in front of 80,000 people each Sunday. It’s like way, way back in the beginning of “The League” when Ruxin meets Antonio Gates at a hotel spa and screams at him for over-performing against his team, it’s easy to forget that these are real people who are basically just doing a job. You write TPS reports, they catch touchdowns. They crush quarterbacks, you crush an entire burrito in less than five minutes. It’s that simple. So with that in mind, San Francisco 49ers wide receiver Stevie Johnson decided to take a different approach to drafting a fantasy team.
I drafted many of you to my fantasy work team so make sure to grab me some points today at your workplace. Don't let me down.
— HiMom. (@StevieJohnson13) September 24, 2014
Dear God, why didn’t we think of that? That’s pure gold.
He then took peoples’ responses and gave them some fantasy point values.
Yess! Need those points. Be smooth SW “@ShaunWyman: @StevieJohnson13 Booked 3 guests today. Each one work 5 points for you. BOOM.”
— HiMom. (@StevieJohnson13) September 24, 2014
putting u on my bench “@jaffryan: @StevieJohnson13 hey i broke the copier and got my manager's lunch order wrong. -15 points. sorry dude.”
— HiMom. (@StevieJohnson13) September 25, 2014
Fucking Jaff, man. Every time.
gonna need you to come in Sat & Sunday “@AndrewKam: @StevieJohnson13 I just messed up on a TPS report. My bad, man. -3 work points.”
— HiMom. (@StevieJohnson13) September 25, 2014
Who knew that Stevie Johnson was a fan of “Office Space”?
Gonna have to shut u down. On the mend “@Pat_Egan: @StevieJohnson13 went down with a nasty paper cut & my return to the office is doubtful”
— HiMom. (@StevieJohnson13) September 25, 2014
In this case, does IR = Workman’s Comp?
Those @hotpockets are damn good “@dbert: @StevieJohnson13 burnt my tongue eating a hot pocket on break, day to day.”
— HiMom. (@StevieJohnson13) September 25, 2014
Man loves Hot Pockets. Gotta give it up for that.
She's my #1 fantasy player “@ELNegroSupremo: @StevieJohnson13 you married essex's sister who i had a crush on in high school.”
— HiMom. (@StevieJohnson13) September 25, 2014
Stealing a high school crush, then bragging about it on Twitter. Power move.
And, finally, he kept it real:
13 pts/ day each day you don't skip class #HBHF “@JimmyM717: @StevieJohnson13 I didn't skip any classes today, that's gotta be a few points”
— HiMom. (@StevieJohnson13) September 25, 2014
At the end of the day, it’s all about the kids..
[via Deadspin]
This is absolutely brilliant.