32 Ways To Properly Deal With Sick Coworkers

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  1. Send an office-wide email reminding everyone that it’s cold and flu season.
  2. Recommend sick coworkers work from home, even though your company doesn’t allow that.
  3. Roll your eyes every time you’re forced to say “bless you.”
  4. Take issue with the diagnosis they received from their doctor.
  5. Recommend they get a second opinion.
  6. Tell them, “that’s close enough,” when they walk into your office.
  7. Keep your door shut all damn day.
  8. Give unsolicited advice on how to treat symptoms.
  9. Tell them how you read something about the flu shot being ineffective against this year’s strain.
  10. Ask them if they’re feeling better every time you pass their office.
  11. Lecture them on the importance of washing their hands.
  12. Tell them that they should go home and get some sleep.
  13. Ask them if there’s anything you can do, but secretly hope they don’t take you up on that.
  14. Get a rundown of their symptoms if they claim they’re sick because of allergies.
  15. Carry around hand sanitizer and offer it to fellow coworkers.
  16. Tell them how you need to close the quarter strong and you can’t afford to get sick.
  17. Pull your shirt over your nose and mouth when they walk by.
  18. Ask them how many sick days they have left.
  19. Let everyone know you have some Airborne just in case.
  20. Advise them to avoid smoky bars.
  21. Ask them if they’ve been getting at least two servings of fruits and vegetables per day.
  22. Leave a note for the cleaning crew detailing specific instructions for sanitizing the office.
  23. Wipe down the copy machine with a Clorox wipe.
  24. Run a symptom check on WebMD and send your coworkers the link.
  25. Tell them what bugs have been going around lately.
  26. Say something about probiotics even though you don’t know what that means.
  27. Tell them it’s probably viral even though you have no medical background whatsoever.
  28. Send them a link to an article on the dangers of antibiotics.
  29. Ask them if they’ve considered trying eastern medicine.
  30. Compare your own immune system to the ’90s Dallas Cowboys.
  31. Score some codeine.
  32. Mention that you don’t feel well, either, even though you’re just really hungover.

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Lawyer. Writer. Dude doing business. I'm the meatloaf guy from tv.

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