30 Things I’m Too Old For

30 Things I'm Too Old For

  1. Eating fast food two times in a week, let alone two times in a day.
  2. Living with more than two other people.
  3. Responding “Shit, what are you going to do?” when friends say they’re pregnant.
  4. Even thinking about walking into an under 21 bar.
  5. Buying new underwear instead of doing laundry.
  6. Sleeping in your bathroom.
  7. Peeing in your bed(room).
  8. Under butt.
  9. Having a kitchen that isn’t at least stocked with eggs and unexpired milk.
  10. Shopping exclusively at Forever 21, because despite their clever marketing campaign and the fact that you lie about your age, you are no longer 21.
  11. Staying up all night and laughing as the sun rises because “Real people are actually starting their days right now.” Welcome to real personhood.
  12. College parties.
  13. Admitting how little you know about current events.
  14. Hanging out in someone’s bedroom.
  15. Joining (and keeping up with) every new social medium that emerges.
  16. Making out in a bar with a person whose name you may or may not know.
  17. Leaving an empty pizza box next to your couch for three days, because…well, for no reason at all.
  18. Meticulously dividing up the bill at dinner instead of just splitting it evenly.
  19. Overusing abbreviations.
  20. Spending more time at the pregame than you do at the event.
  21. Having big, organized pregames at all.
  22. Drinking three or more days in a row, which has become downright painful to do anyway.
  23. Overdrafting your account. It’s so weird, because money doesn’t just reappear in your account anymore if you call your dad and tell him. If you run out of money, you’re out of money.
  24. Puking in a public place.
  25. Driving around in the now piece-of-shit car you got for your 16th birthday.
  26. Spending more money on alcohol than the majority of your other finances combined.
  27. Making a huge ordeal out of your birthday.
  28. Themed parties (but that doesn’t mean you have to get rid of your costume box).
  29. Drinking wine out of a Solo cup.
  30. Sex in a twin-sized bed.

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Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is a writer, editor and content manager for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays.

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