30 Signs You Can’t Drink Like You Used To


1. Your hangovers last well into Monday afternoon.

2. There’s a row in your monthly budget spreadsheet for ibuprofen, vitamin B supplements and Pedialyte.

3. Fast food breakfast only makes your hangover worse.

4. You pee the bed.

5. You don’t black out anymore. You just get too tired and go home.

6. The amount you can drink and your productivity are inversely proportional.

7. People seem to be more concerned than impressed by how much you drink.

8. You can actually feel your liver working overtime after a night of drinking.

9. Being sloppy drunk is no longer viewed as acceptable by members of the opposite sex.

10. Everyone at the bar hates your old school jukebox selections.

11. Your friends can’t drink like they used to either.

12. You’re going to be wide awake at 7am no matter what, even if you don’t have to work.

13. You actually own valuable things that will cost a lot of money if you break them when you’re drunk.

14. Doc probably won’t be amused when you tell him how much you drink on a weekly basis at your next appointment.

15. The thought of seeing an older co-worker out on the town when you’re shitfaced terrifies you.

16. The thought of seeing your supervisor out on the town when you’re shitfaced mortifies you.

17. $20 bar tabs at college bars equate to $200 bar tabs at normal bars.

18. You often catch yourself counting the calories in every drink you order, and you’re not a girl.

19. You have to work out tomorrow.

20. Picking up a case of Natty is just white trash now.

21. Your health insurance deductible going up is now on your list of worries in the day after drinking.

22. You made it on The Sunday Struggle.

23. You end up at a bar by yourself.

24. You turn off your phone after dinner on Friday night.

25. You wake up with pain usually not associated with hangovers.

26. Being blackout drunk at a Mexican restaurant during lunch is no longer commonplace. Even on the weekends.

27. You’re the oldest person at the bar, by a long shot.

28. You’ve been caught throwing shots on the ground on multiple occasions.

29. Cab drivers creep you out.

30. You have to work tomorrow.

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TheChampionsTour (@ChampsTourTFM) is a contributing writer for Post Grad Problems, Rowdy Gentleman, and Total Frat Move .

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