27 Signs You’re Turning Into Your Parents


  1. You end phone conversations with phrases like, “I’ll give you a buzz later,” or “Take care, mhm, buhbye.”
  2. You’ve become the “coaster ninja” to anyone placing a drink on your coffee table.
  3. You offer up “leftovers” for dinner as if they’re an actual dish.
  4. You hold a personal vendetta against the guy who lets his dog shit in your yard and leaves it.
  5. You sprung for the Gold Membership at Costco for the 2% Rewards.
  6. You lose your cell phone at least twice a day, and it’s in your coat pocket.
  7. You have a drawer full of receipts dating back to the Britney Spears days, pre-nervous breakdown.
  8. On Halloween, you turn off all your lights and pretend you’re not home.
  9. Your DVR is loaded with History Channel specials and The Sopranos reruns.
  10. You receive L.L.Bean and Eddie Bauer catalogs in the mail.
  11. When your friends light up a smoke in your car you scream, “I swear I’ll pull this car over, damn it!”
  12. You understand the allure behind Spanx.
  13. You own multiple “As seen on TV” products.
  14. When you get home from work you eat dinner standing in front of the TV.
  15. You special ordered monogrammed luggage with your initials.
  16. You have your own “spot” on the couch.
  17. You take pride in your expensive kitchen appliances.
  18. You’ve told multiple members of the Verizon Wireless customer service team to go fuck themselves.
  19. Your favorite outfit is comprised of a bathrobe and slippers.
  20. When traveling, you take all the free hotel shampoo/conditioner/lotions and hoard them for home use.
  21. Finger prints on glass surfaces “just bug you.”
  22. You carry snacks in your purse.
  23. You buy a weekly lotto ticket then tell everyone how you would spend the cash if you won.
  24. You tell anyone ten years your junior how it was, “Much harder back in my day.”
  25. You use SPF 50+ even when it’s overcast.
  26. Earning gas points on each grocery purchase you make gives you a little high.
  27. You think sitting in your yard in a lawn chair drinking beer is an acceptable way to spend your Saturday—and you realize…you became your parents years ago.

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