21 Power Moves You Can Pull In The Second Job Interview

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  1. Give your interviewer a dap in lieu of a handshake.
  2. “Now, which office is gonna be mine?”
  3. Call yourself a “champion” of something. Integrity, industry, patience, time management. Doesn’t matter. You’re just a well dressed, American winning machine and they need to know it.
  4. Open things up by asking for a signing bonus equal to one year’s salary.
  5. “What’s this desk? Walnut?”
  6. “Just so you know, this isn’t my only suit.”
  7. Tell them that you’ve finally narrowed down your corporate car wishlist to five.
  8. Ask to meet the CEO because he knows your dad.
  9. Refer to the current interview as “just a formality.”
  10. “Let’s go introduce me to the team, shall we?”
  11. Assume that you will be in charge of the interns.
  12. Ask your interviewer if they can help you get a junior membership at their country club.
  13. Balk and question their loyalty when they bring up the mandatory 90-day probationary period. Demand to speak to HR.
  14. Call yourself an equal opportunity lover.
  15. Bring a binder full of Herman Miller desk chairs that you’ve already picked out.
  16. Request vacation time for a celebratory getaway upon your hiring.
  17. “Are the interns off limits, sexually?”
  18. Ask them if there’s a bigger office somewhere else or if this is just it.
  19. Act disappointed when they show you the office gym. “No. This is no good. The ‘bells only go up to 45s?”
  20. Suggest you and your potential boss look into getting a timeshare together.
  21. “I’m assuming I get to pick my own secretary, yes?”

NOTE: Some, if not all of these will get you blackballed from every company in America not named Goldman Sachs.

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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