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- Establish a power position by kicking your feet up on the desk and putting your hands behind your head.
- Before the interviewer even speaks, say “Let’s talk salary and benefits.”
- Ask for a tour and inspect the stability of each desk by shaking it vigorously.
- “Sorry I’m late. You guys have one helluva shoe shine in the lobby.”
- Go buy a monogrammed leather padfolio and print your résumé on embossed wood grain.
- “What are your guys’ cubicles, 6×6? I’d prefer 7×7.”
- Show up in a town car.
- Say that your résumé “speaks for itself,” even though the most noteworthy thing on it is your mediocre college GPA.
- Ask the interviewer to call you by your first name before he or she addresses you.
- If the interviewer compliments your suit, tell him or her to go see Mark at JoS. A. Bank and “tell them that I sent you.”
- Refer to the recruiter who got you the interview as your agent.
- Ask the interviewer how quickly business cards are issued. And by business cards, you mean an expense account.
- When the interviewer asks you if you have any questions, let him or her know that you think “we covered all the bases.”
- “Glad I could squeeze you in before lunch.”
- Ask who your interviewer’s hair guy is.
- Be sure the interviewer knows about your tentative plans to attend business school, and ask how big the company’s tuition assistance package is.
- If the company sticks you with an HR rep for your first interview, repeatedly let the company know how displeased you are that you aren’t speaking with a senior VP.
- Hit on the secretary until someone comes to get you.
- When the interviewer asks you about your goals, say “To be sitting where you’re sitting.” Don’t give this person a timeframe.
- Make sure you mention profit sharing and stock options repeatedly.
- “How much do you make after taxes?”
Editor’s note: You will be unemployed forever if you do any of these things.
Respond
Brian McGannon
What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.
@BrianMcGannon
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brianmcgannon
I think my loathing of the listicle has been well documented but goddamit I have a soft spot for the power move ones you’ve done it again Mcgannon
I appreciate that.
I might take a few unnecessary interviews just to try some of these on.
You’ve redeemed yourself.
Shameless jos a bank plug what are they doing this week buy one; start your own suit franchise free?
If it’s over lunch, pick up the tab.