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Flying the friendly skies has never looked this good.
1. Business Select or GTFO.
2. “You know, ‘A-List Preferred’ used to mean something in this country!”
3. Ask the gate agent if you can board the plane from stairs instead of the traditional jetway, Air Force One style.
4. “I’d fly Southwest a lot more if they upped their biz class game.”
5. Tip airport bartender at least 25%. It is 9 a.m. after all.
6. Boisterously wave your Starbucks Gold Card and offer to pay for the person behind you, claiming you’re “all about that points life.”
7. “College volleyball team. 10 o’clock.”
8. Demand to speak to a manager if you’re in Boarding Group C.
9. “No, no. I only fly through Love when I connect in Dallas.”
10. Enthusiastically shake the pilot’s hand and let them know you’ve got the cabin under control if shit gets hairy.
11. Wink at the co-pilot and tell him to “go get ‘em, kid.”
12. “Would I fly Allegiant? No chance. Do I approve of their shady business practices and laissez faire attitude towards aircraft maintenance to maximize profit? That’s hard to say.”
13. Dress for the American Airlines AAdvantage card you want, not the Southwest Rapid Rewards account you have.
14. New luggage set from Brookstone? Don’t mind if I do.
15. “What equipment we got today? 737-800? 900?”
16. Refer to CLT, MCO, ATL and TPA as the “Chilis Belt.”
17. Chalk that crying baby up to shitty parenting.
18. “This free wi-fi is dogshit.”
19. Dap up the captain when deplaning. “Helluva landing, skip.”
20. Offer a person sitting in the exit row $100 to switch seats.
21. “I’m fully instrument rated on Flight Simulator 2002. I could land anything with less than three engines. No sweat.” .
Respond
Brian McGannon
What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.
@BrianMcGannon
@brianmcgannon
brianmcgannon
22. Refuse to give up your seat for airline employees, when they overbook the plane, and the airport police tells you they’ll make you get off the plane.
Brb thinking of all the power moves I can pull with my David Dao money
Holy shit, Power Moves are back!
Demand the whole can for your in-flight beverage, not just what’s poured in the cup.
Tell the flight attendant next rounds on me.
You don’t actually have to demand anything, if you aren’t flying a shitty airline we’ll just give it to you if you ask.
Glad to see these are back
I NEEDED power moves today. Now I’m jacked up and ready to crush these last remaining couple hours
TSA Pre-check, no greater power move than skipping lines, plebeians taking their shoes off and laptops out
Flew out of IAH a few weeks ago and the pre-check line was way longer than the plebeian line. If everyone has pre-check, no one has pre-check.
Global Entry is the move, comes with Pre-Check and lets you sail past the unwashed masses at customs
Work for a commercial airline, get known crew member. Lol, what’s a security line?
22. Ask an old white guy in a suit if he flies often.
Love field is a gem.
Park right next to terminal, on your flight in less than 30 minutes. It really is great
I can do that at IAH. It just costs me $20 a day.
My flights from Pittsburgh to Laguardia deplane and board from the tarmac in LGA and it’s as great as it seems.
If it’s Delta, those are my flights! Boarding and deplaning on the tarmac either delights or infuriates people…
Will be pulling all of these on my flight from DC to Florida tomorrow. Just kidding, I will be pulling exactly none of them, because my flight leaves at 6:30am.
In about 3 hours I’ll be in the delta lounge throwing back those free drinks #PMO
Doing the opposite flight tomorrow! Welcome to the Sunshine State
Did D.C.-MCO last month and I think it’s the new airport combo most likely to make me want to blow my brains out