20 Reasons You’re Not Getting Laid Anymore

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You still live with your parents.
You can afford the cab back to their place, but can’t afford the cab back to your place in the morning.
You have high standards. Way too high.
Hot, single people either don’t exist anymore, or you’ve just become way too cynical about romance.
You’re too tired.
You’re too married.
You’ve been dating the same person for too long.
All the people your age leave the bar around midnight.
You have developed an overwhelming fear of STDs since graduating.
Your roommate sucks. Yeah, that’s a good excuse.
You’re worried your back might flare up.
You’re suffering from serious guilt and regret over breaking up with your college fling.
Your bedroom is embarrassing. You don’t even own a bed frame.
The thought of passing out at a one-night stand’s place is terrifying.
You can’t afford a girlfriend right now.
Your dog sleeps in your bed, anyway.
That giant mountain of dirty dishes in the sink, and giant laundry pile in the corner, doesn’t help heat things up once you get your potential partner back to your place.
You haven’t shaved down there since Memorial Day weekend.
You haven’t lost any weight since you left college.
You’re going to have to wash your sheets.

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